해외 나가 있는 중 8월말에 시차 적응도 쉽지 않고 새벽 3시에 잠이 깨었는데 남편 폰에 부재중 전화가 있었습니다.요양원에서 온 전화였습니다. 가슴이 철렁했지요. 그동안 95세이신 어머님을 집에 모시고 있다가 해외로 나가는 바람에 요양원에 모셨거든요. 그러잖아도 요양원 가기 싫어하시는 어머님을 떼놓고 가려니 아기 젖 떼는 것처럼 영 마음이 내키지 않았는데 말입니다.
한국시간을 보니 아직은 오후시간이라 국제전화를 했습니다. 원장 사모님 말씀이 생명에 지장이 있는 건 아니고 몸이 좀 편찮으셔서 병원으로 모셨는데 어머님 혈관상태가 워낙 좋지 않아서 정맥을 따는 수밖에 없기에 보호자 허락이 필요하다는 것입니다. 어쨌거나 함께 계신 분들께 기도부탁을 드리고 9월 11 일 금요일 밤에야 집으로 돌아올 수 있었습니다. 토요일 아침에 병원에 가서 어머님을 뵈었습니다. 폐렴으로 입원하셨다는 것을 그때야 알았습니다. 지난 초겨울 폐렴 예방주사를 맞으셨는데도 결국 폐렴에 걸리셨네요. 오후에도 다시 가서 뵙고는 “어머니, 내일 주일 쉬고 월요일 또 올게요.”라고 말씀드리고 돌아왔습니다.
그런데 월요일 새벽에 전화가 왔습니다. 위독하시다는 것입니다. 놀라서 빨래하던 것도 팽개치고 병원으로 달려갔습니다. 코에 마스크를 하고 고용량의 산소를 흡입하고 계셨습니다. 그래도 어머님은 정신이 맑으셔서 말씀드리면 다 알아들으시고 고개를 끄덕이곤 하셨습니다. 평소에 어머님이 좋아하시던 찬송, 예전에 아버님이 좋 아하시던 찬송가를 함께 부르고 아들이 기도드리니 힘든 중에도 크게 ‘아멘’을 하셨습니다.
“어머니 그동안 하나님이 시키시는 일들에 순종하셨고 복음을 위해 헌신하시며 멋진 인생을 사셨습니다. 우리 자녀들에게 믿음의 유산을 물려주시고 잘 키워주시고 기도해 주셔서 너무 감사합니다.”라고 어머님 귀에 대고 말씀드렸더니 고개를 끄덕이셨습니다. “따님들에게 연락을 할까요?” 여쭈었더니 그러라고 하셔서 따님들과 손주들에게 연락했습니다. 그래도 금방 가실 거라 생각 못하고 남편이 아침에 급히 나오느라 못 가져온 것을 저더러 몇가지 챙겨오라고 해서 집에 온 사이,어머님께서는 아드님 곁에서 조용히 편안한 가운데 하나님 품에 안기셨습니다. 괜히 집에 온 것이 얼마나 후회가 되었는지요.
결국 지인들에게 연락드리고 울산영락원에 빈소를 차렸습니다. 평소 좋아하시던 꽃으로 둘러진 곳에 어머님의 영정사진을 올려놓았습니다. 늘 그러셨듯이 인자하고 평안한 모습의 사진이었습니다. 많은 분들이 위로해 주셨습니다. 어머님께서 참으로 사랑하시던 분들이 장례절차를 집례하셨고 참으로 많은분들이 애도의 눈물을 흘리시는 것을 보며 어머님은 참 복된 인생을 사셨다 싶었습니다. 육신적으로는 고달픈 인생이었지만 말입니다.
40대 초반에 남편을 여의고 자녀들 뒷바라지하며 고생 많으셨지만 복음을 위해 어떤 고생도 마다하지 않으셨습니다. 한 영혼 구원하는 일이라면 모든 수고를 아끼지 않으셨고 어려운 시골 개척교회들을 섬기는 것을 기쁨으로 아셨습니다. 주님 주신 물질도 당신을 위해서는 최소한으로 쓰시고 헌금은 늘 넉넉히 하셨습니다. 어려움을 겪는 성도가 있으면 함께 데리고 사시면서 회복될 때까지 돌보아주시며 사랑을 베푸셨습니다.
장로님들께서는 장례식장을 계속 지켜주셨고 권사님들께서는 순번을 돌아가며 봉사해 주셨습니다. 목사님들도 접수며 안내를 맡아주셨지요. 모두들 자기 일같이 보살펴 주셨습니다. 교단 총회기간이었지만 많은 분들이 오셨습니다. 집안에서도 가장 어른이셨으니 거의 모든 분들이 오셔서 함께 밤을 지새우셨습니다. 손자, 손녀들, 증손주들까지 말입니다.
천국환송예배를 드리고 장지에 가는 날은 비가 온다는 예보가 있었지만 “이때까지 정확하게 배려하신 하나님께서 어련히 알아서 하실까”라는 어떤 분의 말씀처럼 날이 얼마나 좋았는지요. 권사님 한분은 “천국 가신 날짜도 어쩌면 그렇게 자로 잰 듯이 정확하게 가장 좋은 때에 가셨는지···”라고 말씀하셨지요. 우리가 돌아와서 며칠 말미를 주시고 월요일 아침에 가셨으니 목회자인 아드님과 성도님들 일정에 차질이 없도록, 춥지도 덥지도 않은 초가을날, 그렇게도 사랑하시던 남해 앞바다가 내려다 보이는 동산에 어머님은 묻히셨습니다.
“저를 사랑해주신 어머니, 저도 사랑합니다. 이제는 고생과 수고가 다 끝나고 사랑하시는 주님 곁에서 편히 쉬십시오. 저희도 어머님을 본받아 복음을 위해 남은 삶을 살겠습니다.” 위로해 주신 많은 분들의 사랑을 잊을 수가 없을 것입니다. 자격 없는 자임에도 하나님의 은혜 가운데 이런 사랑을 입을 수 있음을 감사드립니다. 여러분 고맙습니다.
While abroad at the end of August, struggling with jet lag, I woke up around 3 a.m. to discover a missed call on my husband's phone. It was from the nursing home. My heart sank. We had been caring for our ninety-five-year-old mother at home, but because of our journey abroad, we had arranged for her to stay at the nursing home. Even beforehand, leaving her behind when she was so reluctant to go felt as wrenching as weaning an infant from its mother's breast.
Checking Korean time, I saw that it was still afternoon there, so I placed an international call. The director's wife explained that it wasn't life-threatening, but because Mother was unwell, she had been taken to the hospital. However, her veins were in such poor condition that they had no choice but to perform a cutdown procedure to access a vein, which required the guardian's permission. In any case, we asked those with us to pray and were finally able to return home late on Friday night, September 11. On Saturday morning, I visited Mother at the hospital. Only then did I learn she had been admitted with pneumonia. Even though she had received a pneumonia vaccine early last winter, she had contracted it after all. I visited her again in the afternoon and said, "Mother, I will rest tomorrow on the Lord's Day and visit you again on Monday," before returning home.
Yet, early Monday morning, a call came. She was in critical condition. Shocked, I dropped the laundry I was doing and rushed to the hospital. She had an oxygen mask over her face, receiving high-flow oxygen. Even so, her mind remained clear; whenever we spoke, she understood everything and would nod her head. Together we sang the hymns she had always loved, along with the ones Father used to cherish, and when her son offered a prayer, she answered with a resounding "Amen" despite her failing strength.
Leaning close to her ear, I whispered, "Mother, throughout your life you obeyed whatever God commanded, devoted yourself to the gospel, and lived a truly wonderful life. Thank you so much for leaving our children such a legacy of faith, for raising them so well, and for always praying for us." She nodded gently. I asked, "Shall I call your daughters?" and when she indicated yes, I contacted her daughters and grandchildren. Still, never imagining she would pass away so soon, I stepped away to run home and pick up a few things my husband had left behind when rushing out that morning. During that brief interval, with her son right by her side, Mother quietly and peacefully entered the embrace of God. How deeply I regretted making that trip home.
In the end, we notified our acquaintances and set up the memorial altar at the Ulsan Youngnak Memorial Hall. Mother's portrait was placed surrounded by the flowers she had always loved. In the photograph, she appeared gentle and serene, just as she had always been in life. So many people came to comfort us. Seeing those whom Mother had deeply loved presiding over the funeral rites, and witnessing so many people shedding tears of sorrow, I felt that Mother had truly lived a blessed life—even though it had been physically arduous.
Losing her husband in her early forties, she endured immense hardships providing for her children, yet she never hesitated to bear any suffering for the sake of the gospel. When it came to saving a single soul, she spared no effort, and she found boundless joy in serving small, struggling rural pioneer churches. Even with the material provisions the Lord gave her, she spent minimally on herself while always giving generously to God. Whenever a believer was going through trials, she would take them into her home, caring for them with boundless love until they were fully restored.
The elders stood vigil over the funeral hall continuously, while the deaconesses took turns serving. The pastors helped receive guests and guided visitors. Everyone cared for things as if it were their own family affair. Although it was the time of the denominational General Assembly, so many people came. As the eldest matriarch of our extended family, almost all the relatives arrived and kept vigil through the night, including grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Rain had been forecast for the day of the farewell service and burial, but just as someone remarked, "Would not God, who has cared so perfectly for her until now, oversee the weather as well?", the day turned out to be exquisitely clear. One deaconess noted, "The day she was called home was timed with such precise perfection, at the very best moment..." Giving us a few days after our return and passing on a Monday morning so as not to disrupt the ministry of her pastor son or the church family's schedule, on a mild early autumn day neither too cold nor too warm, Mother was laid to rest on a hillside overlooking her beloved South Sea.
"Mother, who loved me so dearly, I love you too. Now that all the toil and hardship have ended, rest peacefully in the presence of your beloved Lord. We, following in your footsteps, will live the rest of our days for the gospel." I will never be able to forget the love shown by the many who offered their comfort. Even though I am unworthy, I give thanks that I could receive such tender love within God's grace. Thank you, everyone.
Terwyl ons aan die einde van Augustus in die buiteland was en met die tydsverskil geworstel het, het ek om drieuur die oggend wakker geword en 'n gemiste oproep op my man se selfoon gevind. Dit was van die versorgingsoord af. My hart het in my skoene gesink. Tot op daardie stadium het ons ons vyf-en-negentigjarige moeder tuis versorg, maar weens ons oorsese reis moes ons haar tydelik na die ouetehuis neem. Ek was van die begin af baie teensinnig om haar daar te los—sy wou immers self nie gaan nie—en om haar agter te laat het gevoel soos 'n baba wat van die bors gespeen word.
Toe ek die Koreaanse tyd nagaan, het ek gesien dit was nog middag daar, en ek het dadelik 'n internasionale oproep gemaak. Die hoof se vrou het verduidelik dat dit nie lewensgevaarlik was nie, maar omdat Moeder nie wel was nie, is sy hospitaal toe geneem. Haar are was egter in so 'n swak toestand dat hulle 'n aar moes ooplê om 'n lyn in te sit, en hulle het die voog se toestemming daarvoor benodig. Hoe dit ook al sy, ons het die vriende saam met ons om gebed gevra en kon eers die Vrydagaand van 11 September by die huis aankom. Saterdagoggend is ek na die hospitaal om Moeder te besoek. Eers toe het ek verneem dat sy weens longontsteking opgeneem is. Al het sy vroeg die vorige winter haar longontstekingsinenting gekry, het sy dit tog opgedoen. Ek het die middag weer gaan kuier en gesê: "Moeder, môre rus ek op die Sondag en Maandag kom ek weer," waarna ek huis toe is.
Maar vroeg Maandagoggend het daar 'n oproep gekom. Sy was kritiek siek. Geskok het ek die wasgoed net so laat staan en na die hospitaal gehaas. Sy het 'n suurstofmasker oor haar gesig gehad en 'n hoë dosis suurstof ontvang. Tog was Moeder se gees nog helder; wanneer ons met haar gepraat het, het sy alles verstaan en haar kop geknik. Saam het ons die gesange gesing waarvan Moeder altyd so baie gehou het, asook die wat Vader vroeër liefgehad het. Toe haar seun bid, het sy ten spyte van haar swakheid met 'n duidelike 'Amen' geantwoord.
Ek het naby haar oor gefluister: "Moeder, al die jare het u gehoorsaam gedoen wat God beveel het, u aan die evangelie gewy en 'n pragtige lewe gelei. Baie dankie dat u vir ons kinders so 'n kosbare geloofserfenis nagelaat het, hulle so goed grootgemaak het en altyd vir ons gebid het." Sy het haar kop instemmend geknik. Toe ek vra: "Moet ek u dogters laat weet?", het sy aangedui dat ek moet, en ek het haar dogters en kleinkinders gekontak. Omdat ek glad nie gedink het sy sou so gou heengaan nie, en aangesien my man die oggend so haastig vertrek het dat hy sekere dinge vergeet het, het hy my gevra om vinnig 'n paar goed by die huis te gaan haal. Terwyl ek weg was, het Moeder, rustig en vreedsaam met haar seun aan haar sy, in die arms van God ontslaap. Hoe diep het ek dit tog berou dat ek huis toe gegaan het!
Uiteindelik het ons vriende en familie in kennis gestel en die roukamer by die Ulsan Youngnak-gedenksentrum ingerig. Moeder se portret is te midde van die blomme waarvan sy so baie gehou het, opgestel. Soos altyd was dit 'n foto van 'n vriendelike, vredevolle gesig. Baie mense het ons kom troos. Toe ek sien hoe diegene vir wie Moeder innig lief was die begrafnisdiens lei en hoeveel mense trane van rou stort, het ek besef dat Moeder werklik 'n geseënde lewe gelei het—al was dit liggaamlik 'n veeleisende en moeilike pad.
Nadat sy haar man in haar vroeë veertigs aan die dood afgestaan het, het sy bitter swaar gekry om haar kinders groot te maak en te versorg, maar vir die evangelie het sy geen opoffering ontsien nie. As dit gegaan het om die redding van 'n enkele siel, was geen moeite te veel nie, en sy het dit as 'n vreugde beskou om klein, sukkelende plattelandse pioniersgemeentes te dien. Selfs met die materiële seëninge wat die Here haar geskenk het, het sy die allerminstes aan haarself bestee en altyd mildelik geoffer. As daar 'n gelowige was wat swaargekry het, het sy hulle in haar huis ingeneem en met groot liefde versorg totdat hulle weer op hul voete was.
Die ouderlinge het die hele tyd by die roukamer gewaak, en die diensmeisies/diakonesse het beurte gemaak om te bedien. Die leraars het weer die ontvangs en gastebegeleiding behartig. Elkeen het omgesien na alles asof dit hul eie familieaangeleentheid was. Al was dit die tyd van die kerklike sinode/algemene vergadering, het baie mense opgedaag. Aangesien sy die oudste van die familie was, het byna almal gekom en die hele nag saam gewaak—tot die kleinkinders en agterkleinkinders toe.
Daar was reën voorspel vir die dag van die hemelse afskeidsdiens en die terbedestelling, maar soos iemand opgemerk het: "Sou God, wat haar tot nou toe so getrou versorg het, nie ook hieroor beskik nie?"—en die weer was wonderlik mooi. Een diakones het gesê: "Hoe het sy nie op presies die regte, mees volmaakte oomblik hemel toe gegaan nie, net soos met 'n maatstok uitgemeet..." Sy het vir ons 'n paar dae gegun ná ons terugkoms en op 'n Maandagoggend heengegaan sodat haar predikant-seun en die gemeentelede se skedules nie ontwrig sou word nie. Op 'n vroeë herfsdag wat nóg koud nóg warm was, is Moeder ter ruste gelê op 'n heuwel wat uitkyk oor haar geliefde Suidelike See.
"Moeder, wat my so liefgehad het, ek is ook lief vir u. Noudat alle stryd en moeisame arbeid verby is, rus sag aan die sy van u geliefde Here. Ons sal ook u voorbeeld volg en die res van ons lewens vir die evangelie leef." Ons sal die liefde van die baie mense wat ons getroos het, nooit kan vergeet nie. Al is ek dit nie werd nie, dank ek die Here dat ek sulke liefde deur Sy genade kon ontvang. Baie dankie aan u almal.