또 하나의 칼럼
당신도 칼럼을 쓴다.
나는 원래 글 쓰는 데는 숙맥이었습니다.남편이 공부하러 남아공화국에 갔을 때 나는 아이들과 함께 한동안 한국에 있었지요. 그러다보니 자연히 편지를 자주 쓰게 되었는데 물론 그 때는e-mail도 없었고요. 남편에게서 오는 편지는 봉함엽서 앞·뒷면 빈틈없이 깨알같은 글씨로 빼곡하게 사연이 적혀있는 반면 이쪽에서 내가 보내는 편지는 양면괘지 편지지에 그것도 두 줄에 한 줄씩 큼직한 글씨로 써서 보냈습니다. 받아보면 이게 보고서인지 일기 요약인지 구분이 잘 안 되었다고 하더라고요. 그런 제가 웬 칼럼을 다 쓰네요.
우리 남편 말씀‘당신도 칼럼을 쓴다. 이것도 다 남편 덕분’이라네요. 그 말도 맞는 말이지요. 귀국 후 개척교회를 시작해서 일꾼이 없으니까 매주 주보도 집에서 만들 수밖에 없었지요. 글 쓸 사람도 별로 없으니 공란을 메우려면 어쭙잖지만 뭔가를 써야 했지요. 사실 나는 글을 쓰는 것보다는 말을 좀 더 잘하는 편이었는데, 구역에서 들은 이야기며 동네에서 일어난 일들을 남편에게 이야기하면 듣다 말고 ‘지금 빨리 말한 그대로 글을 쓰라’고 하는 겁니다. 그래저래 훈련(?)이 되어서 정말 칼럼을 다 쓰네요.
남편과 아내 두 사람이 만나 서로를 치유하며 자존감을 회복하고 서로에게 힘을 실어주기 위해 하나님께서는 가정을 허락하시지 않았을까요? 서로에게 상처 주고, 윽박지르고, 비난하기 위해 우리가 결혼한 것은 아니라는 생각이 듭니다.
어느날 저희 집에서 교역자회의를 마치고 점심식사를 하는데 그 날 반찬이 맛있었나 봅니다. 한 분이 맛있는 음식을 만들 수 있는 비결이 무엇이냐고 묻자 남편 대답이 ‘내가 이십 년 동안 참아주고 기다려주고 칭찬해준 결과다.’라고 했지요. 그 전도사님 반짝해서 하시는 말.“목사님, 우리에게도 그렇게 해 주시면 안 될까요?”
서로 부족한 부분은 채워주고 잘못을 용서해주며 오래 참으며 믿어주는 관계, 서로의 안에 있는 최선의 것을 이끌어내어 성장하게 하는 것이 부부관계일 것 같습니다. 어찌 부부관계만 일까요? 자녀들 역시 믿어주는 만큼 자란다는 말이 있지요. 밤늦게까지 여러 가지 일로 바쁜 남편에게 고마운 마음을 전합니다.
Yet Another Column
“Even you are writing a column now.”
I was never good with words on paper. When my husband went to South Africa for his studies, the children and I stayed behind in Korea for quite some time. Naturally, we wrote letters often—after all, there was no email back then. The letters arriving from my husband were always written on aerogrammes, every single corner of both sides packed tightly with tiny, delicate handwriting. Meanwhile, the letters I sent back were written on lined stationery, skipping every other line and filled with large, clumsy letters. He used to tell me that when he received them, he could hardly tell whether it was a formal status report or a summary of a diary. And yet, here I am, somehow writing a column of my own.
My husband often teases, “Even you are writing a column now. You owe it all to your husband!” And truly, he is right. After returning to Korea and planting a church, we lacked helping hands, so every week we had no choice but to print the church bulletins at home. Since there was hardly anyone to contribute writings, I had to scribble something down—however clumsy it might be—just to fill the empty spaces. Truth be told, I was always far better at speaking than writing. Whenever I shared stories I had heard from our parish fellowship or little happenings around the neighborhood, my husband would stop me mid-sentence and insist, “Go write down exactly what you just said, right now!” Through all that “training,” look at me now—actually writing a column.
Didn’t God grant us the gift of family so that a husband and wife could come together, heal one another, restore each other’s sense of worth, and give each other strength? Surely we did not enter into marriage to wound, bully, or tear one another down.
One day, after holding a pastoral staff meeting at our house, we were all having lunch together, and the side dishes must have been particularly tasty that afternoon. When one of the ministers asked what the secret was to making such delicious food, my husband replied with a chuckle, “It is the fruit of my enduring patiently, waiting, and praising her for twenty whole years.” At that, an evangelist’s eyes lit up as she chimed in, “Pastor, couldn’t you please do the same for us?”
Filling in each other’s shortcomings, forgiving mistakes, bearing patiently, and holding unyielding trust—drawing out the very best within each other so both can grow: perhaps that is what a marriage is truly meant to be. And could it apply only to marriage? There is a saying that children, too, grow in direct proportion to the trust placed in them. To my husband, who is still busy working late into the night on so many things, I send my heartfelt gratitude.
Nog ’n Kolom
“Kyk net, selfs jý skryf nou ’n rubriek.”
Ek was van nature maar altyd lomp met die pen. Toe my man na Suid-Afrika vertrek het om te gaan studeer, het ek en die kinders ’n hele ruk lank in Korea agtergebly. Vandaar het ons natuurlik gereeld briewe geskryf—in daardie dae was daar immers nog geen e-posse nie. Die briewe wat van my man af gekom het, was lugbriewe waarvan elke hoekie voor en agter diggepak was met sy fyn, netjiese handskrif. Daarenteen was die briewe wat ek gestuur het, op gelinieerde briefpapier geskryf, waar ek elke tweede reël oorgeslaan het met groot, breë letters. Hy het altyd gesê dat wanneer hy dit kry, hy skaars kon onderskei of dit ’n amptelike verslag of ’n opsomming van ’n dagboek was. En tog, kyk nou net—hier sit ek en skryf wraggies ’n rubriek.
My man sê altyd grappenderwys: “Kyk net, selfs jý skryf nou ’n rubriek. Dis alles aan jou man te danke!” En hy het gelyk ook. Nadat ons na Korea teruggekeer en ’n nuwe gemeente geplant het, was daar bitter min helpers, en daarom moes ons elke week die gemeentebulletin tuis aanmekaarsit. Aangesien daar byna niemand was om stukkies te skryf nie, moes ek maar iets neerpen—hoe eenvoudig en onbeholpe ook al—net om die oop spasies te vul. Om die waarheid te sê, was ek nog altyd baie beter daarmee om te praat as om te skryf. Maar telkens wanneer ek vir my man stories vertel het wat ek by die wyksbyeenkomste gehoor het of dinge wat in die buurt gebeur het, het hy my in die rede geval en aangedring: “Gaan skryf nou dadelik neer presies wat jy sopas gesê het!” Deur al daardie “opleiding” het ekowaarlik sover gekom om ’n volwaardige rubriek te skryf.
Het die Here nie die huwelik en die gesin gegee sodat man en vrou bymekaar kan kom om mekaar te genees, mekaar se eiewaarde te herstel en mekaar te onderskraag nie? Ons het tog sekerlik nie getrou om mekaar seer te maak, op mekaar af te dwing of mekaar te veroordeel nie.
Op ’n dag, ná ’n ampsdraersvergadering by ons huis, het almal saam aangesit vir middagete, en die bykosse was daardie dag blykbaar besonder smaaklik. Toe een van die medewerkers vra wat die geheim agter sulke heerlike kos is, het my man geantwoord: “Dit is die vrug van twintig jaar se geduld, wag en aanhoudende lofprysing van my kant af.” Met blink oë het ’n evangelis dadelik gevat: “Ds., kan u dit nie asseblief ook met ons doen nie?”
Om mekaar se tekortkominge aan te vul, mekaar se foute te vergewe, lankmoedig te wees en mekaar te vertrou—om die heel beste in mekaar na vore te bring sodat albei kan groei: dit is sekerlik wat ’n huweliksverhouding behoort te wees. En geld dit net vir die huwelik? Daar is ’n wyse spreuk wat sê dat kinders ook groei namate ’n mens in hulle glo. Aan my man, wat tot laat in die nag besig is met soveel verskillende take, stuur ek my innige en dankbare waardering.