오늘은 “Have a nice day!”가 아니라 “Have an ice day!”입니다. 12년 전 두산리 큰마을로 이사를 들어올 때도 그해 겨울의 가장 추운 날이었는데 오늘도 매서운 추위입니다. 그래도 한 낮에 이삿짐을 꺼내어 실릴 것이니 설마 이삿짐이 얼어 붙기야 하겠습니까? 다섯 시간 후면 이삿짐 센터에서 5톤 트럭이 도착해서 이사를 시작하겠지요? 하지만 지금도 글 쓰다 말고 승용차로 가지고 갈 짐을 실리고 동에 번쩍 서에 번쩍 하다보니 옛날 생각이 납니다. 남아공 8년 유학생활을 끝내고 돌아올 때도 짐을 꾸릴 시간이 없었습니다. 짐을 싸기를 시작하면 누군가가 전화를 하고, 아니면 딩동~하고 찾아오고 마지막 밤에는 그동안 갖던 성경공부팀들이 함께 모여서 저녁을 먹고 고별미팅을 가졌습니다. 그런데 밤 12시가 가까워지는데도 모임이 끝날 기미가 보이지 않아서 우리의 형편을 실토하고 자정부터 새벽 4시까지 짐을 싸서, 공항으로. 바로 달렸던 기억이 있습니다.
그 때는 유학생 삶,8년을 정리하는 것인데 비해서, 울산은 담임목사로 목회를 했고, 기간도 그 세 배가 넘는 25년의 삶을 살았으니 상황이 어떠했을지 여러분의 상상에 맡깁니다. 찾아오는 분들 때문에, 아내가 짐 싸는 일에 진도가 나지 않는다고 행복한 고민을 하길래, 만나서 차를 마시든지 식사를 함께 하든지 그것도 이사준비의 하나라고 하면서 옛날 남아공의 일을 떠올렸습니다. 이사를 앞둔 열흘 전부터는 더 이상 식사초대를 집에서 하지 않기로 원칙을 세웠습니다. 그 원칙에 따라 한 번의 예외말고는 가까운 음식점에서 식사를 하고 집에서는 커피만 마셨지만 그래도 모두 시간은 들어가는 일입니다. 다만 일거리가 줄어드니 시간뿐 아니라 체력도 절약하는 셈입니다. 이사를 앞두고 한 사람이라도 퍼지면 그것도 난감합니다. 지난 열흘일정을 살펴보니 하루도 손님이 없는 날은 없었고 여차하면 몇 건씩, 이사 전날은 겹치기 출연팀들이 하루 종일 있었습니다. 오셔서 한 시간만에 자리에서 일어서는 팀은 매우 드문일이고, 식사를 함께 하면, 음식준비를 하지 않아도 되지만, 서너시간은 기본입니다.
이사준비란 25년의 삶을 간추리는 일이기에 만만치를 않았습니다. 사람관계뿐 아니라 이사짐을 꾸리는 일도 우리의 상황 때문에 쉽지 않았습니다. 일단 35평의 주택에 12년을 살다가 23,4평의 아파트에 들어갈 짐으로 간추려야 하니까 수월치를 않습니다. 게다가 우리 살림은 어머님의 묵은 장롱부터, 아들의 남아공 초등학교 저학년 때 그린 그림까지, 아들이 그렇게 버리지 못하는 DNA가, 어디 하늘에서 떨어지거나, 땅에서 솟아난 것은 아닙니다. 10대 후반의 일기장까지 저도 보관하고 있는 것을 보면 압니다. 그래서 아내는 1)서울로 가져갈 짐 2)울산에 남겨둘 짐 3)이번 기회에 버릴 짐으로 분류하는 고된 일을 해야만 했습니다. 게다가 우린 4년 후에는 다시 울산으로 이사를 해야 합니다. 물론 내일 일은 아무도 모르는 일입니다. 오직 주인께서 그 선하신 뜻대로 하실 것입니다.
힘든 이사준비를 하다보니 장차올 마지막 이사를 사모하게 됩니다. 죽음의 형태에 따라서 그날은 그동안 관계를 갖고 살던 분들과 미리 만나서 고별을 하는 일은 있을 수도, 혹은 없을 수도 있습니다. 하여간 분명한 것은 그 때는 짐을 싸는 일은 없을 것입니다. 처음 이 땅에 온 것처럼 빈손으로 돌아갈 것입니다. 아무도 손에 가득 쥐고 그 길을 가는 사람은 없습니다. 그러므로 이제부터 관심을 쏟을 일은 하나님이 제게 주신 모든 것을, 필요한 사람들과 넉넉히 나누는 일을 배우기를 원합니다. 이번 이사를 앞두고 참으로 많은 분들이 아주 자상하게 우리의 필요를 채워주시려고 도움의 손길을 내밀었습니다. 때로는 받는 것은 죄악이란 생각이 들 정도로 어려운 분들도 그 가운데는 있었습니다. 하지만 거절하면 자신만이 알고 있는 ‘봉투에 담긴 액수가 적어서’라는 상처를 줄까 거절도 못하고 받으면서, 하늘 아버지께서 좋은 것으로 풍성하게 갚아주시길 바랄뿐입니다.
Today is not a "Have a nice day!" but a "Have an ice day!" When we moved into the big village of Dusan-ri twelve years ago, it happened to be the coldest day of that winter, and today the cold is just as biting. Still, since the movers will be loading the furniture in the middle of the day, surely our belongings won't freeze, will they? In five hours, a 5-ton moving truck will arrive to begin the move. Yet even now, pausing my writing to load what we need into our passenger car, running here and there, memories of the past come flooding back. When returning to Korea after eight years of study in South Africa, there was similarly no time to pack. Whenever we started packing, the phone would ring, or the doorbell would chime with visitors. On our final evening, the Bible study groups gathered together for dinner and a farewell gathering. Around midnight, however, with no sign of the gathering wrapping up, we finally had to confess our predicament, packed frantically from midnight until 4:00 a.m., and rushed straight to the airport.
Back then, it was about packing up eight years of life as an international student; in Ulsan, however, I served as senior pastor for twenty-five years—more than three times that duration. I will leave it to your imagination to picture what our situation has been like. When my wife voiced her happy dilemma that packing was making no progress because of all the visitors, I reminded her of our days in South Africa, telling her that sharing tea or a meal with them is also part of preparing to move. About ten days before the moving date, we established a rule not to host any more meals at home. Following that rule, with only a single exception, we dined at nearby restaurants and simply had coffee at home; nevertheless, it still took considerable time. Still, reducing the kitchen chores saved not only time but also physical stamina. If even one of us collapses before the move, it would be quite troublesome. Looking back over the past ten days, not a single day went by without visitors—often several groups in one day—and on the day before the move, groups overlapped throughout the entire day. It was very rare for a group to leave after just an hour, and while having a meal together saved us from preparing food, three or four hours was the standard.
Preparing to move was no simple task, as it meant condensing twenty-five years of life. Packing up our household goods was just as challenging as managing relationships, given our particular circumstances. Having lived for twelve years in a house of about 35 pyeong (approx. 115 m²), downsizing our belongings to fit into an apartment of 23 to 24 pyeong (approx. 76 m²) was far from easy. Furthermore, our household goods range from my late mother’s vintage wardrobe to drawings my son made in his early elementary school years in South Africa. My son’s inability to throw things away didn't simply drop from the sky or spring from the earth; seeing that I still keep my own diaries from my late teens, it is clear where the DNA came from. My wife therefore faced the grueling task of sorting everything into three categories: 1) belongings to take to Seoul, 2) belongings to leave behind in Ulsan, and 3) things to discard on this occasion. On top of that, we will have to move back to Ulsan four years from now. Of course, no one knows what tomorrow holds. Only the Master will fulfill His good will.
As I go through this arduous preparation to move, I find myself longing for that final move that lies ahead. Depending on the manner of one's departure, we may or may not have the chance to meet and say farewell beforehand to those with whom we shared relationships. One thing, however, is certain: there will be no packing of belongings on that day. Just as when we first arrived on this earth, we will return empty-handed. No one walks that path with hands full. Therefore, what I wish to devote my attention to from now on is learning to generously share everything God has given me with those in need. Ahead of this move, so many people have reached out with caring hands to meet our needs. Among them were some whose own circumstances were so humble that accepting their gifts almost felt wrongful. Yet, unable to refuse lest they feel hurt thinking that their envelope was declined because the amount was small, I received them gratefully, praying only that our Heavenly Father may reward them richly with His good things.
Vandag is dit nie "Have a nice day!" nie, maar "Have an ice day!" Toe ons twaalf jaar gelede na die groot dorpie Dusan-ri getrek het, was dit die koudste dag van daardie winter, en vandag is dit weer 'n snerpende koue. Tog sal die trekkerige meubels helder oordag uitgedra en opgelaai word, so dit sal darem sekerlik nie vries nie, of hoe? Oor vyf uur sal die verhuisingsmaatskappy se 5-ton-vragmotor opdaag om die trek te begin. Maar selfs nou, terwyl ek my skryfwerk onderbreek om die goed wat met ons eie motor moet saamgaan in te laai, en van hoek tot kant skarrel, dink ek terug aan vroeër jare. Toe ons destyds ná agt jaar van studie in Suid-Afrika moes terugkeer huis toe, was daar eweneens geen tyd om te pak nie. Sodra ons begin pak het, lui die telefoon, of die deurklokkie sing "ding-dong" met besoekers. Op ons laaste aand het al die Bybelstudiegroepe saamgekom vir aandete en 'n afskeidsbyeenkoms. Toe dit egter teen middernag nog gelyk het of die kuier geen einde sou kry nie, moes ons ons penarie bieg, en toe het ons van middernag tot 4:00 die oggend vinnig gepak en reguit lughawe toe gejaag.
Destyds was dit 'n bestekopname van agt jaar as buitelandse studente; in Ulsan was ek egter die hoofleraar en het ons meer as drie keer so lank gewoon—vyf-en-twintig jaar lank. Ek laat dit dus aan u verbeelding oor hoe ons omstandighede gelyk het. Toe my vrou met 'n gelukkige sug kla dat die pakwerk glad nie vorder weens al die kuiergaste nie, het ek haar aan ons dae in Suid-Afrika herinner en gesê dat om saam tee te drink of 'n maaltyd te deel, ook maar deel van die trekvoorbereiding is. Tien dae voor die trek het ons die reël gemaak om nie meer maaltye by die huis aan te bied nie. Volgens daardie reël het ons, op een enkele uitsondering na, by nabygeleë restaurante gaan eet en tuis net koffie gedrink, maar selfs dit neem baie tyd in beslag. Dit het egter die huishoudelike take verminder en sodoende nie net tyd nie, maar ook liggaamlike krag gespaar. As een van ons voor die trek sou ingee, sou dit immers rampspoedig wees. As ek terugkyk na die afgelope tien dae, was daar nie 'n enkele dag sonder besoekers nie—dikwels verskeie groepe op 'n dag—en die dag voor die trek was daar deurlopend oorvleuelende groepe gaste. Dit was 'n baie seldsame verskynsel dat 'n groep na 'n enkele uur sou vertrek; en as ons saam geëet het, al hoef ons nie self te kook nie, was drie tot vier uur die norm.
Om vir die trek voor te berei was geen geringe taak nie, aangesien dit beteken het om vyf-en-twintig jaar se lewe saam te vat. Nie net die verhoudings nie, maar ook die inpak van ons besittings was weens ons situasie geensins maklik nie. Om na twaalf jaar in 'n huis van ongeveer 35 pyeong (ongeveer 115 m²) alles te moet verklein om in 'n woonstel van 23 tot 24 pyeong (ongeveer 76 m²) te pas, was 'n groot uitdaging. Bowendien wissel ons besittings van my oorlede moeder se antieke klerekas tot my seun se vroeë laerskooltekeninge uit Suid-Afrika. Daardie DNA van my seun om niks te kan weggooi nie, het tog nie uit die hemel geval of uit die grond opgeskiet nie; as ek kyk na my eie tienerdagboeke wat ek steeds bewaar, weet ek maar te goed waar dit vandaan kom. My vrou moes dus die moeisame taak aanpak om alles in drie kategorieë te sorteer: 1) goed wat saamgaan Seoel toe, 2) goed wat in Ulsan agterbly, en 3) goed wat ons by hierdie geleentheid moet weggooi. Daarby moet ons oor vier jaar weer terugtrek Ulsan toe. Natuurlik weet niemand wat môre inhou nie. Slegs die Here sal volgens Sy goeie wil handel.
Terwyl ek besig is met hierdie vermoeiende trekvoorbereidings, begin ek verlang na daardie heel laaste trek wat op ons wag. Na gelang van hoe die dood aanbreek, sal daar dalk 'n geleentheid wees om vooraf van geliefdes afskeid te neem, of dalk ook nie. Een ding is egter seker: daardie dag sal daar geen pakwerk wees nie. Net soos toe ons die eerste keer op hierdie aarde aangekom het, sal ons met leë hande terugkeer. Niemand stap daardie pad met hande vol besittings nie. Daarom wil ek my aandag voortaan toespits daarop om te leer om alles wat God my gegee het, mildelik te deel met diegene wat dit nodig het. Met die oog op hierdie trek het so baie mense met innige sorg uitgereik om in ons behoeftes te voorsien. Onder hulle was daar selfs persone vir wie dit finansieel so swaar gaan dat dit byna soos 'n sonde gevoel het om iets van hulle te ontvang. Tog kon ons dit nie weier nie, uit vrees dat hulle seergemaak sou voel en dink dat hul koevert van die hand gewys is omdat die bedrag te klein was. So het ons dit in dankbaarheid aanvaar, met die stille bede dat ons hemelse Vader hulle ryklik met Sy goeie gawes sal vergoed.