작년 7월말, 좋은 아빠가 되고싶은 아름다운 꿈을 이루려고 조국을 떠나 캐나다로 이주한 둘째네 집에 도착했습니다. 지난 한 해동안 아들, 며느리 둘 다 이곳 대학에 등록해서, 현지 교사자격증으로 바꾸기 위해, 딸 아이 셋을 키우며, 공부한다고 참 고생이 많았을 것입니다. 로마는 하루만에 이뤄지지 않은 것처럼 큰 계획은 하루만에 성취되지 않습니다! 하루만에 이루려고 설치면 “백일몽”이라는 빈정거림을 듣겠지요~~ 정작 좋은 아빠 되기 프로젝트를 선언하고, 캐나다로 이주한 것은 둘째 아들이지만, 살펴보니 정씨 집안의 흐름과 아주 무관하지는 않습니다.
아들의 할아버지이자 저의 아버지는, 물론 저희 두 아들로서는 본 적도 없습니다! 아니 제 아내도 마찬가지입니다. 제가 16실 때 하나님의 부르심을 받고, 세상을 떠났기 때문입니다. 그러나 제가 알고 들은 그분은 참 자상한 분이셨습니다. 1949년 3월 3일 제가 태어났을 때 첫 목욕도 그분이 시켰고, 매일밤 잠자리를 챙기고 돌본 이도 그분이셨다고 어머니가 증언했기 때문입니다. 칠 공주네 아들이라고 특별히 우대한 것은 아닙니다. 바로 위의 누님도 엄청 큰사랑을 받았습니다. 누나가 아직 초등학교에 입학도 하기 전에, 진주공항에서 비행기에 태워서 서울나들이를 시키기도 했다니까 알만합니다! 아들인 저는 20대 후반에 유학을 가면서 비행기를 처음 탔는데 말입니다. 그 누나가 나이 들어 첫 생리를 할 때, 어머니는 “가시나가 되라지게 어린나이에 ㅉㅉㅉ” 하고 야단을 치셨지만, 아버지는 딸에게 자상하게 이제 성숙한 여자됨을 일러 주시고, 생리대를 접는 법까지 가르쳐 주셨다니, 그 60년 대에 흔치 않은 아빠임에 틀림없습니다.
이제 두 아들의 아빠인 제 이야기도 말해야 이 프로젝트의 깊이를 가늠할 수 있을 것입니다. 아들들이 자라서 대학생이 되었을 때, 주변의 많은 친구들이 아버지들로 인한 상처들을 밤새워 들으면서, 모든 가정이 우리 가정과 같지 않다는 것을 알고, 좋은 환경에서 자란 것을 깨닫게 되었답니다. 뒤에 첫째 아들은 결혼을 해서 어느날 무슨 일이 있었던 모양입니다. “좋은 부모 밑에 자란 당신이 어떻게 내 마음을 알아”라고 아내가 소리치니, 아들 왈 “그러면 좋은 부모 둔 것도 죄냐”고 얼버무렸다는 전설같은 일화도 있습니다. 아들들이 우리를 좋은 부모라고 말해줘서 한 편 고맙고 한 편 부끄럽습니다. 일찍 결혼해서 딸을 키우는 큰아들을 보면서 제가 아내에게 “저렇게 좋은 아빠는 처음본다”라고 말한 적이 있습니다.
그런데 형보다 10년이나 늦게 결혼한 오늘의 주인공 둘째 아들이 딸을 낳아 키우는 것을 보면서 그냥 숨 넘어갈 뻔 했습니다! 서너살 된 딸이 얼마나 까칠한지 말릴 수가 없습니다. (그 딸이 까칠한 것은 아빠 닮았고, 아빠 까칠한 것은 제 엄마 닮았다는 말도 있습니다^^) 하여간 어릴 때 한 번 미국에 갔을 때에, 그 동네 교통법규 상 베이비시트에 앉히고 안전벨트를 해야 하는데 막무가내입니다. 그 상황을 말로 설명해서 수습하려는 딸아이의 아빠를 보는 순간, 자기 형도, 아빠인 나도 손들었습니다. 강제로 밸트를 매든, 말을 듣지 않으면 매라도 들고 싶은데, 일단은 양육의 권한은 자기 아빠 몫이니 바라볼 수 밖에 없었습니다. ㅠㅠ 그 아들이 좋은 아빠가 되겠다고 10년이나 다니던 직장에 사표를 내고, 태평양을 건너 이주를 했으니 누가 말릴 수 있겠습니까? 하늘의 크고 선한 손이 도우셔서 <좋은 아빠 프로젝트>가 이뤄지길 빌뿐입니다^^ 캐나다의 복이 되며, 나아가 열방의 복이 되는 아브라함의 믿음의 후손되길 기도할뿐입니다^^
At the end of July last year, I arrived at the home of my second son, who had left his homeland and emigrated to Canada to fulfill the beautiful dream of becoming a good father. Over the past year, both my son and daughter-in-law enrolled in a local university here to convert their teaching certifications to the local ones, all while raising three daughters. They must have endured so much hardship studying and parenting at the same time. Just as Rome was not built in a day, great plans are not accomplished overnight! If one rushes to achieve everything in a single day, they will rightly face cynical remarks about "daydreaming."~~ Although it was my second son who declared this project of becoming a good father and moved to Canada, upon closer reflection, it is not entirely unrelated to the generational stream of our Jung family.
My son's grandfather—my father—was someone my two sons, of course, never had the chance to meet! Nor did my wife. He was called by God and departed this world when I was only sixteen years old. Yet, from what I knew and heard of him, he was an exceptionally tender and attentive man. According to my mother's testimony, when I was born on March 3, 1949, it was he who gave me my very first bath, and it was he who looked after me and tucked me into bed every night. It was not merely special treatment because I was the only boy among seven sisters. The sister just above me also received immense love. Long before she even entered elementary school, my father took her on an airplane from Jinju Airport for an outing to Seoul—which speaks volumes about his affection! By contrast, I, his son, did not board an airplane for the first time until my late twenties when leaving to study abroad. When that older sister reached puberty and had her first period, my mother scolded her, saying, "A mere girl acting grown-up at such a tender age, tsk tsk tsk." But my father gently explained to his daughter that she was now becoming a mature woman, and even taught her how to fold sanitary pads. He was truly an extraordinary father for the 1960s.
Now, I suppose I must also share my own story as the father of two sons to fathom the true depth of this project. When my sons grew up and became university students, they listened through the night to many friends pouring out their wounds caused by their fathers. Through that, they realized that not every family was like ours, and they came to appreciate that they had been raised in a nurturing home. Later on, after my eldest son got married, something must have happened at home one day. His wife cried out in frustration, "How could you, who grew up under such good parents, ever understand my heart?" To which my son reportedly stammered in reply, "Is having good parents a sin then?"—an anecdote that has now become legendary in our family. When my sons call us good parents, I feel grateful on the one hand, and humbled and ashamed on the other. Watching my eldest son, who married early, raise his daughter, I once remarked to my wife, "I have never seen such a good father in my life."
Yet, watching the hero of today's story—my second son, who married ten years later than his older brother—raising his daughters, I almost caught my breath in exasperation! When his daughter was three or four years old, she was so feisty and stubborn that no one could rein her in. (Some say her feistiness came from her dad, and her dad's feistiness came from his mother^^). At any rate, when they once visited the United States when she was little, local traffic regulations required her to sit in a car seat with the seatbelt fastened, but she threw an uncontrollable fit. Watching her father patiently trying to resolve the situation purely through gentle reasoning, both his older brother and I threw up our hands in surrender. Whether by buckling her in by force or using a rod of discipline when she would not listen, we felt like intervening; yet parenting authority belonged to her father, so all we could do was watch on helplessly. ㅠㅠ That son resigned from a career he had pursued for ten years and crossed the Pacific Ocean just to become a good father—who could possibly stop him? I can only pray that the great and gracious hand of Heaven will assist him so that this may bear fruitful completion.^^ I pray earnestly that they will become descendants of Abraham's faith, serving as a blessing to Canada and ultimately a blessing to all the nations.^^
Aan die einde van Julie verlede jaar het ek aangekom by die huis van my tweede seun, wat sy vaderland verlaat en na Kanada verhuis het om die pragtige droom te verwesenlik om 'n goeie pa te wees. Oor die afgelope jaar het beide my seun en my skoondogter hier by die universiteit ingeskryf om hul onderwyskwalifikasies na die plaaslike stelsel om te skakel, en hulle moes baie ontberings verduur terwyl hulle terselfdertyd drie dogtertjies grootgemaak en gestudeer het. Net soos Rome nie in een dag gebou is nie, word groot planne nie oornag verwesenlik nie! As 'n mens alles in 'n enkele dag probeer afdwing, sal jy sekerlik die spottende opmerking kry dat dit bloot "dagdromery" is~~ Hoewel dit my tweede seun is wat hierdie projek om 'n goeie pa te wees verklaar en na Kanada verhuis het, is dit by nadere ondersoek nie heeltemal vreemd aan die geslagtelike stroom van ons Jung-familie nie.
My seun se oupa—my vader—is iemand wat my twee seuns natuurlik nooit ontmoet het nie! My vrou net so min. Hy is immers deur God opgeroep en het hierdie lewe verlaat toe ek maar sestien jaar oud was. Tog was hy, volgens alles wat ek van hom geweet en gehoor het, 'n besonder liefdevolle en bedagsame man. My moeder het immers getuig dat toe ek op 3 Maart 1949 gebore is, dit hy was wat my my heel eerste bad gegee het, en hy was die een wat elke aand my slaapplek reggemaak en vir my gesorg het. Dit was nie bloot omdat ek die enigste seun tussen sewe dogters was nie. Die suster net bo my het eweneens geweldig baie liefde ontvang. Lank voordat sy selfs skool toe is, het my pa haar vanaf Jinju-lughawe op 'n vliegtuig gesit vir 'n uitstappie na Seoel—wat boekdele spreek! Daarteenoor het ek, sy seun, eers in my laat twintigerjare vir die eerste keer op 'n vliegtuig geklim toe ek oorsee gaan studeer het. Toe daardie ouer suster later haar eerste menstruasie gehad het, het my ma haar berispe met: "So 'n jong meisiekind wat al grootmens wil speel, tsk-tsk-tsk." Maar my pa het sy dogter met deernis verduidelik dat sy nou 'n volwasse vrou word, en haar selfs geleer hoe om die sanitêre doekies te vou—waarlik 'n buitengewone pa vir die sestigerjare.
Nou moet ek ook my eie verhaal as die pa van twee seuns vertel sodat 'n mens die ware diepte van hierdie projek kan peil. Toe my seuns grootgeword en universiteitstudente geword het, het hulle nagte omgeluister na baie vriende wat hul wonde oor hul vaders uitgestort het. Daardeur het hulle besef dat nie elke gesin soos ons s'n was nie, en het hulle met dankbaarheid besef dat hulle in 'n goeie omgewing grootgeword het. Later, nadat my oudste seun getrou het, het daar blykbaar eendag iets by hul huis gebeur. Sy vrou het uitgeroep: "Hoe kan jý, wat onder sulke goeie ouers grootgeword het, ooit my hart verstaan?" Waarop my seun glo verbouereerd geantwoord het: "Is dit dan 'n sonde om goeie ouers te hê?"—'n staaltjie wat al soos 'n legende in ons familie geword het. Wanneer my seuns sê dat ons goeie ouers was, voel ek aan die een kant dankbaar en aan die ander kant beskaamd. Terwyl ek aanskou hoe my oudste seun, wat vroeg getroud is, sy dogter grootmaak, het ek eenkeer vir my vrou gesê: "Ek het nog nooit so 'n goeie pa gesien nie."
Maar toe ek die hoofkarakter van vandag se storie—my tweede seun, wat tien jaar later as sy broer getrou het—sy dogtertjies sien grootmaak, het ek omtrent my asem verloor! Toe sy dogtertjie so drie of vier jaar oud was, was sy so vol fiemies en eiewys dat niemand haar kon keer nie. (Sommige sê haar koppigheid kom van haar pa af, en haar pa s'n weer van sy ma af^^). Hoe dit ook al sy, toe hulle eenkeer op 'n jong ouderdom in Amerika was, het die plaaslike verkeersreëls vereis dat sy in 'n babastoeltjie moes sit en die veiligheidsgordel moes aanhê, maar sy het eenvoudig geweier. Toe ons sien hoe haar pa die situasie met eindelose geduld en woorde probeer beredder, het beide sy ouer broer en ek ons hande in die lug gegooi. 'n Mens wou haar amper met geweld vasmaak of selfs die roede inspan as sy nie wou luister nie; maar die gesag oor die opvoeding behoort immers aan haar pa, so ons kon maar net magteloos toekyk. ㅠㅠ Daardie seun het bedank uit 'n werk waar hy tien jaar lank gedien het, en oor die Stille Oseaan getrek net om 'n goeie pa te wees—wie sou hom nou kon keer? Ek kan maar net bid dat die goeie en magtige hand van die Hemel hom sal bystaan sodat hierdie vervul mag word.^^ Ek bid innig dat hulle afstammelinge van Abraham se geloof sal wees—'n seën vir Kanada, en vorentoe 'n seën vir al die nasies.^^