두 차례 실린 칼럼을 읽고, 너무 이상적인 그림으로 비췄을 것 같은 두려움 때문에, 급히 세 번째 칼럼을 써야하는 도덕적 부담감이 생겼습니다. 제 글을 읽은 몇 분들의 반응입니다. “와~~~ 너무 멋지네요^^ 귀한 가족들을 축복합니다 믿음의 명문가정이 되시길~~~” “(손녀들이) 너무 귀엽네요~~ 총장님 가시는 곳은 어디나 천국 같습니다 ^^” “샬롬이십니다. 3대에 걸친 총장님댁 역사가.. 특히 글로벌 파더훗^^…꼭 눈에 보이는 것 같이 그려집니다. 세상적인 삶보다 아빠로서의 삶에 무게를 두는, 믿는 가정의 아드님들 모습 참 귀해 보입니다. 왜 여기 와서 사느냐는 손녀 따님, 역시 할아버지와 소통이 좋은가봐요… . (이사님) 말씀대로 총장님 댁 풍경은 천국입니다.”
도착하는 토요일 밤 11시가 가까운 시간까지, 손녀 셋은 잠자지 않고 우리를 기다리고 있었습니다. 집안으로 들어가지도 전에, 어느 새 할머니의 어깨에 머리를 폭 파묻고 안긴 셋째를 보는 순간 마음이 짠 했습니다. 그리고 뒷날 주일날까진 좋았습니다. 그러나 다음날 월요일까지 무사하게 넘길 수는 없었습니다. 아침 이른 시간에 며느리는 방학 동안 틈틈이 일을 하는 직장으로 갔고, 아빠가 나머지 아이들을 능숙하게 챙겨서 가까운 바닷가로 달렸습니다. 그 30분 동안 승합차에서 첫 째와 둘 째가 사소한 일로 감정충돌이 있었고 그 역시 능숙한 아빠의 수습으로 해결되었다 싶었습니다.
살랑거리는 바람이 불기도 하고 구름이 살짝 드리운 날이지만, 아이들은 바로 물로 들어가서 재미있게 놀았습니다. 할아버지는 가끔씩 그 모습을 사진에 담고, 할머니의 눈은 손주들에게 계속 가있었지만, 모처럼 만난 아들과 모래밭에 앉아서 담소를 나누고, 갈매기는 일렬로 구조물 위에 앉아서 파도를 즐기고, 모든 것이 낙원처럼 보였습니다. 문제는 한 시간 후에 승합차로 돌아와서 젖은 수영복을 갈아입는 도중에 서로의 몸이 부딪쳤는지, 아까 올 때의 감정이 다시 점화가 되어서 보다 심각해졌습니다. 튀김닭을 사서 음식점에서 점심을 먹을 때에도, 앉는 자리문제까지, 서로 티격태격하게 되었습니다. 하지만 배가 고프니 일단 점심을 먹었지만, 집으로 돌아오는 길에도 상황수습은 되질 않았습니다. 결국 할아버지가 일갈합니다. “조용히 해, 할아버지도 화낼 줄 안다!”고 엄포를 놓습니다. 그 순간 운전을 하는 아들이 손을 내밀어 부드럽게 내 손을 잡습니다.
두 언니가 티격태격하는 분위기를, 마치 듣지도 보지도 않는 것처럼, 조금도 말려들지 않는, 셋째는 처세의 달인 같습니다. 아빠로 하여금 캐나다 이주를 결심하게 할만큼 예민하고 착하지만 고지식한 성격의 첫째는, 싹싹하고 애교 넘치지만 주도적인 둘 째와는 자주 부딪치는 사이입니다. 이 집의 프로젝트는 크지만, 여전히 공사 중입니다. 공사장의 무질서와 먼지와 소음이 사라질 틈이 없습니다. 9살, 6살, 3살의 아이를 키우는 현장에는 <우아 육아>는 없습니다. 우아한 육아는 없다는 사실입니다. 다만 그 현장에서 화를 내고 소리치고 심하면 때리는 혼란속으로 들어가는 대신에, 기도하는 마음으로 희망을 가지고 낮은 목소리로 가르치는 좋은 아빠가 되기로 순간순간 결단하는 것입니다. 공사현장을 살핀 할아버지 할머니의 임무는 그 섬세한 성격들이 잘 다듬어져서 그 나라를 위해서, 우리 왕을 위해서 앞으로 귀하게 사용되길 기도하는 일입니다.
After reading my previous two columns, I felt a moral burden to quickly write a third, fearing that I had painted far too idealistic a picture. Here are a few responses from readers who read my reflections: “Wow~~~ That's wonderful! ^^ Blessing your precious family, and praying that you become a renowned family of faith~~~” “(The granddaughters) are so adorable~~ Wherever President Jung goes, it seems just like heaven ^^” “Shalom! The history of your family spanning three generations... especially that global fatherhood^^... is painted so vividly, as if unfolding right before our eyes. Seeing the sons of a faithful household prioritize their life as fathers over worldly success looks truly precious. Your granddaughter asking why you came here to live—she must really communicate well with her grandfather... Just as the director said, the scene of your home is truly heaven.”
On Saturday night, nearly 11:00 PM when we arrived, our three granddaughters were still awake waiting for us. Even before stepping inside, the moment I saw the third child nestling her head deeply into her grandmother's shoulder as she was held, my heart grew tender. And things went well through the following Lord's Day. However, Monday could not pass by without incident. Early in the morning, my daughter-in-law left for work—a job she takes on part-time during vacation—and their father skillfully got the remaining children ready and drove them to the nearby beach. During that thirty-minute drive in the van, the eldest and the second child had an emotional clash over some trivial matter, but it seemed to be resolved under their father's adept mediation.
Although a gentle breeze blew and light clouds drifted across the sky, the children jumped right into the water and played joyfully. Grandfather occasionally captured those moments with a camera, while Grandmother kept her watchful eyes on the grandchildren. Meanwhile, sitting on the sand, we shared warm conversation with the son we hadn't seen in a long time; seagulls perched in a neat row on the seawall structures, enjoying the waves; everything seemed like paradise. The trouble began an hour later when we returned to the van. While changing out of wet swimsuits, perhaps because they bumped against each other, the lingering irritation from earlier reignited with even greater intensity. Even when we bought fried chicken and sat down at a restaurant for lunch, they squabbled over where to sit. Because they were hungry, they ate lunch for the moment, but on the drive back home, peace was nowhere to be found. In the end, Grandfather barked out a stern warning: “Be quiet! Grandfather knows how to get angry, too!” At that very moment, my son behind the wheel reached out his hand and gently held mine.
Acting as if she neither hears nor sees the squabbling atmosphere between her two older sisters, completely staying out of the fray, the youngest seems to be a master of social grace. The eldest—sensitive and sweet, yet rigid enough to have prompted her father’s decision to emigrate to Canada—frequently clashes with the second child, who is lively and full of affectionate charm yet strong-willed and assertive. The project underway in this home is immense, but it is still very much under construction. The disorder, dust, and noise of this construction site know no respite. In the reality of raising children aged nine, six, and three, there is no such thing as “elegant parenting.” Elegant parenting simply does not exist. The only reality is choosing, moment by moment—rather than surrendering to the chaos of getting angry, shouting, or lashing out—to be a good father who teaches in a calm, lowered voice with a prayerful heart and steadfast hope. Having observed this construction site, the mission of Grandfather and Grandmother is to pray that these delicate personalities are refined and shaped, so that one day they may be used honorably for His kingdom and for our King.
Nadat ek my vorige twee rubrieke gelees het, het 'n morele verpligting op my gerus om haastig 'n derde rubriek te skryf, uit vrees dat ek 'n veels te idealistiese prentjie geskilder het. Hier is 'n paar reaksies van lesers op my skrywe: “Sjoe~~~ Dit is so wonderlik! ^^ Mag die Here hierdie kosbare gesin ryklik seën, en mag julle 'n gerekende huis van geloof bly~~~” “(Die kleindogters) is tog te oulik~~ Waar Rektor Jung ook al gaan, voel dit net soos die hemel ^^” “Sjalom! Die geskiedenis van Rektor Jung se gesin oor drie geslagte heen... veral daardie wêreldwye vaderskap^^... word so lewendig uitgebeeld, asof 'n mens dit met eie oë aanskou. Dit is werklik kosbaar om te sien hoe die seuns van 'n gelowige huis meer gewig plaas op hulle lewe as vaders as op wêreldse sukses. En die kleindogter wat vra hoekom julle hier kom woon het—sy kommunikeer sekerlik besonder goed met haar oupa... Net soos die raadslid gesê het, is die toneel in Rektor Jung se huis waarlik die hemel op aarde.”
Teen Saterdagaand byna 23:00 toe ons opdaag, was die drie kleindogters nog wawyd wakker en het vir ons gewag. Nog voordat ons die huis kon binnegaan, het die oomblik toe ek sien hoe die derde kleinkind haar kop diep in haar ouma se skouer wegbêre terwyl sy vasgehou word, my hart diep geraak. En dinge het goed verloop tot die Sondag daarna. Maar Maandag kon nie sonder haakplekke verbygaan nie. Vroeg die oggend is my skoondogter werk toe—'n betrekking wat sy gedurende die vakansie deeltyds behartig—en Pappa het die oorblywende kinders vaardig gereedgemaak en strand toe gejaag. Gedurende daardie rit van dertig minute in die minibussie was daar 'n ligte emosionele botsing tussen die oudste en die tweede oor 'n nietigheid, maar dit het gelyk asof dit onder Pappa se vaardige leiding opgelos is.
Alhoewel daar 'n sagte briesie gewaai het en ligte wolke oorgetrek het, het die kinders dadelik in die water gespring en heerlik baljaar. Oupa het nou en dan daardie oomblikke met die kamera vasgevang, terwyl Ouma se oë stip op die kleinkinders gerig gebly het. Intussen het ons op die sand gesit en gesellig gesels met die seun wat ons lanklaas gesien het; seemeeue het in 'n netjiese ry op die seeweringstrukture gesit en die branders geniet; alles het soos 'n paradys gelyk. Die moeilikheid het egter 'n uur later begin toe ons na die bussie terugkeer. Terwyl hulle hul nat swemklere uitgetrek het, het hulle mekaar moontlik per ongeluk gestamp, en die vroeëre griewe het weer opgevlam—hierdie keer baie hewiger. Selfs toe ons gebraaide hoender gaan koop en in die restaurant gaan sit om middagete te eet, het hulle begin baklei oor waar elkeen moes sit. Honger soos hulle was, het hulle darem eers geëet, maar op pad terug huis toe kon die vrede glad nie herstel word nie. Uiteindelik spreek Oupa hulle streng aan met 'n waarskuwing: “Bly stil! Oupa kan ook kwaad word!” Op daardie oomblik steek my seun agter die stuurwiel sy hand uit en vat saggies aan my hand.
Die jongste kleindogter, wat maak asof sy die bakleiery tussen haar twee ouer susters nóg hoor nóg sien en haar glad nie daarin laat meesleep nie, lyk soos 'n meester in menseverhoudinge. Die oudste—sensitief en saggeaard, maar tog so beginselvas en steiks dat dit haar pa genoop het om na Kanada te emigreer—bots dikwels met die tweede kind, wat vriendelik en vol liefkosing is, maar terselfdertyd baie selfgeldend en dominant optree. Die projek in hierdie huis is groot, maar dit is nog steeds 'n bouterrein. Die wanorde, stof en geraas van die bouterrein kry nooit 'n blaaskans nie. Op die front waar kinders van nege, ses en drie jaar grootgemaak word, bestaan daar nie iets soos “elegante ouerskap” nie. Die werklikheid is dat elegante kinderopvoeding eenvoudig 'n mite is. Die enigste pad is om van oomblik tot oomblik te besluit om—in plaas daarvan om meegevoer te word in die chaos van woede, skreeuery en strawwe tugtiging—'n goeie vader te wees wat met 'n biddende hart, vol hoop en met 'n kalm, gedempte stem onderrig. Nadat Oupa en Ouma hierdie bouterrein betrag het, is ons taak om te bid dat hierdie fyngevormde persoonlikhede geskool en geskaaf sal word, sodat hulle eendag met groot eer gebruik mag word vir die Koninkryk en tot eer van ons Koning.