언젠가 성도님들에게 말씀을 전할 기회가 있었습니다.부족한 사람이 그 중요한 일을 감당하기가 참 조심스러웠지만 순종하는 마음으로, 주님께서 시키시는 일이니 감사하는 마음으로 준비했었습니다. 사실은 준비하는 과정에서 제가 은혜를 받았습니다. 나를 나보다 훨씬 많이 사랑하시고 극구 거부하는 강퍅한 심령을 찾아와 내 마음의 문을 친히 열며 “이제는 더 이상 힘들게 살지 말고 그 수고하고 무거운 짐들을 다 내려놓아라, 그리고 내게 와서 쉬어라. 내가 너를 사랑한단다.”라고 말씀해 주셨던 그 때 그 감격이 다시금 새롭게 다가왔던 것이지요. 나를 찾아오셔서 먼저 사랑하신 주님을 생각하면 떠오르는 얘기가 있습니다.
작년엔가 제가 만난 자매님인데 영어를 우리말로 통역을 하시는 분이셨지요. 참 통역을 잘 하셨더랬습니다. 물론 남편이 미국인이기도 했지만요. 어린 두 딸이 있는데 특별히 둘째 딸이 그렇게 엄마를 좋아한답니다. 대체로 둘째들이 그러긴 하더라고요. 우리 둘째도 엄마를 좋아해서 다 큰 아들 녀석이 집에 오면 나를 졸졸 따라다니며 얘기를 하는가 하면 언제나 내 편을 들어주기도 하지요.
우리 둘째 손녀도 그러더라고요. 조금이라도 멋있다고 생각되는 피사체만 보면 셔터를 누르는 할아버지가 어떤 여인의 그림이 그려진 현수막을 찍었더니 큰 손녀가 물었습니다. “할아버지 그건 왜 찍으세요?” “응, 멋있어서.” 곁에 있던 둘째 가은이가 거들었습니다. “우리 엄마가 더 멋있는데…” 집으로 돌아와 저녁을 먹으면서 무슨 말 끝에 자기 아빠가 “응, 내가 예쁜 여자를 좋아하지.”라고 했는데 말이 떨어지기가 무섭게 “그게 바로 우리 엄마야”라며 그 까랑까 랑한 가은이의 목소리가 다시 등장하는 것입니다.
어쨌거나 그 자매님의 다섯 살 난 둘째 딸이 걸핏하면 “엄마 난 엄마를 사랑해요.”라고 해서 하루는 엄마가 물어보았지요. “왜 엄마를 사랑하는데?”라고 했더니 생각할 틈도 없이 하는 말이 “엄마가 날 사랑하니까요.”(Becauseyouloveme.) 정말 그 아이의 대답이 얼마나 깜찍한지 말입니다. 그 후로는 우리도 이 말을 아주 재미있어 하면서 자주 사용하지요.
그런데 이 말씀이 성경말씀에 있더라고요. 요한일서 4:19 “우리가 사랑함은 그가 먼저 우리를 사랑하셨음이라.” 찬송가 가사에도 있습니다. 315장 찬송가 2절인데요. ‘주 날 사랑하사 구하시려고’라고 번역되어 있는 첫 소절입니다. 16 세 때 회심을 경험했던 윌리엄 피터스톤이 작사한 영어 가사는 이렇게 되어 있습니다. ‘IloveTheebecauseThouhastfirstlovedme.’(주님께서 먼저 나를 사랑하셨음으로 나는 주님을 사랑합니다.)라고 말입니다.
아직도 주님을 사랑하는 데 미숙하고 충성스럽지 못하지만 그래도 저는 주님을 사랑합니다. 왜냐하면 그 분이 먼저 나를 사랑하셨기 때문입니다. 그렇지 않았다면 저는 사랑이 무엇인지 아예 몰랐을 것입니다. 그 분이 나를 찾아오신 날눈물을 비오듯이 쏟았습니다. 세상에 태어나서 이십년이 넘도록 살았지만 누구에게 사랑받고 있다는 느낌을 갖지 못했고 그래서 그런지 나 역시 누구를 사랑해 본 적이 없었는데 말입니다.
가족이나 동생들뿐만 아니라 나 자신도 사랑하지 않았는데 하나님께서 나를 사랑하셔서 찾아오셨기 때문이었습니다. 물론 그 이전부터 나를 사랑하셨고 여러 가지 방법으로 나를 부르셨지만 내가 마음의 문을 꼭꼭 닫고 하나님께 응답하지 않았으며 그 분의 음성에 귀를 막고 내 마음대로 살았지요. 다른 사람들을 보면서 그래도 나는 선하지 않냐고 애써 잘난 척을 했었으니까요. 그런데 하나님께서 친히 나를 만나주셨을 때 비로소 내가 얼마나 보잘 것 없는 존재인지, 죄 가운데 있는 자인지를 알 수 있었습니다. 그리고 비로소 그 분이 나를 사랑하신다는 사실을 알게 되었고 나도 사랑받는 존재이며 나도 누군가를 사랑할 수 있다는 것을 배우게 되었습니다.
하나님께서 우리를 사랑의 대상으로 지으셨다는 사실이 얼마나 감사한 일인지요. 그 하나님께서는 우리가 얼마나 가졌는지, 얼마나 능력이 있는지, 또 얼마나 멋있게 생겼는지에 상관없이 우리를 당신의 자녀로, 사랑받는 자녀로 삼아주셨으니 말입니다.
I once had the opportunity to share the Word with our congregation. Though I felt deeply cautious about undertaking such an important task in my inadequacy, I prepared with an obedient heart, grateful that the Lord had entrusted this work to me. In truth, it was during the preparation that I received grace afresh. The deep emotion of that day returned to me: how the Lord loved me far more than I could ever love myself, how He sought out my stubborn, resisting heart, personally opening the door of my soul and gently saying, “Do not struggle so painfully any longer. Lay down all your heavy and weary burdens, and come to Me to rest. I love you.” Whenever I ponder the Lord who sought me out and loved me first, a certain story comes to mind.
Sometime last year, I met a Christian sister who works as an English-Korean interpreter. She was exceptionally skilled at interpreting—though, of course, having an American husband certainly helped. She has two young daughters, and the second daughter is particularly devoted to her mother. Second children often tend to be that way. Our own second child is the same way with his mother; even though he is a grown man now, whenever he comes home, he follows me around talking endlessly and always takes my side.
Our second granddaughter is just the same. My husband, who loves to press the shutter whenever he sees anything remotely picturesque, once took a photo of a banner depicting a woman's portrait. Our older granddaughter asked, “Grandpa, why are you taking a picture of that?” “Well, because she looks wonderful.” Little Gaeun, the second one, piped right up beside him: “Our mommy is far more wonderful…” When we returned home and were having dinner, her father happened to remark in conversation, “Well, I do love pretty women.” No sooner had the words left his mouth than Gaeun's clear, ringing voice chimed in: “And that's our mommy!”
At any rate, this sister's five-year-old second daughter was always saying, “Mommy, I love you.” One day, her mother asked her, “Why do you love Mommy so much?” Without missing a beat, the little girl replied, “Because you love me.” How delightfully sweet her answer was! Ever since then, we have found that phrase so charming that we use it often ourselves.
Yet that very truth is found in Scripture. First John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” It is also in the words of a well-known hymn—the second stanza of Hymn 315. In William Featherston’s original hymn, written when he experienced his conversion at the age of sixteen, the lyrics proclaim: “I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me.”
I am still clumsy and far from faithful in loving the Lord, yet I love Him nonetheless. I love Him because He first loved me. Had He not, I would never have known what love is at all. On the day He visited my heart, my tears poured down like rain. Though I had lived for more than twenty years in this world, I had never truly felt cherished by anyone, and perhaps because of that, I had never truly loved anyone either.
I didn't love my family, my younger siblings, or even myself; yet God, out of His great love, sought me out. Of course, He had loved me long before and called me in countless ways, but I had kept the door of my heart firmly locked, refusing to answer Him, stopping my ears to His voice and living entirely as I pleased. Looking at others, I would pride myself on thinking, At least I am a decent person. But when God met me in person, I finally realized how utterly broken and sinful I was. Only then did I come to know that He loved me, that I too was a beloved soul, and that I too was capable of loving someone else.
What a boundless grace it is that God created us to be the objects of His love! Regardless of how much we possess, how capable we are, or how attractive we appear, He has embraced us as His own cherished children.
Ek het eendag die geleentheid gehad om die Woord met ons gemeentelede te deel. Alhoewel ek baie huiwerig en versigtig gevoel het om so 'n gewigtige taak in my eie ontoereikendheid te behartig, het ek my voorberei met 'n gehoorsame hart, dankbaar dat die Here hierdie werk aan my opgedra het. Om die waarheid te sê, dit was juis tydens die voorbereidingsproses dat ek self opnuut genade ontvang het. Daardie oorweldigende ontroering van weleer het my weer getref: hoe die Here my soveel meer liefgehad het as wat ek myself kon liefhê, hoe Hy my hardkoppige en teëstrewige hart kom opsoek het, self die deur van my binneste oopgemaak het en teer gesê het: “Moenie meer so swaar lewe nie. Lê al jou moeitevolle en swaar laste neer, en kom na My toe om te rus. Ek het jou lief.” Wanneer ek dink aan die Here wat my eerste kom opsoek en liefgehad het, kom daar 'n kosbare herinnering by my op.
Verlede jaar het ek 'n suster ontmoet wat as tolk tussen Engels en Koreaans werk. Sy was werklik uitsonderlik vaardig—natuurlik ook omdat haar man 'n Amerikaner is. Sy het twee dogtertjies, en veral die tweede dogtertjie is versot op haar mamma. Tweede kinders is maar dikwels so. Ons eie tweede seun is net so lief vir sy ma; selfs noudat hy 'n volwasse man is, loop hy agter my aan en gesels aanhoudend sodra hy by die huis kom, en hy kies altyd my kant.
Ons tweede kleindogter is presies dieselfde. My man, wat die sluiter druk sodra hy enigiets sien wat selfs net effens mooi lyk, het eenkeer 'n foto geneem van 'n banier waarop 'n vrou se portret geskilder was. Ons oudste kleindogter vra toe: “Oupa, hoekom neem Oupa 'n foto daarvan?” “Nou ja, want sy is mooi.” Die tweede enetjie, Gaeun, wat langsaan gestaan het, val dadelik in: “Ons mamma is baie mooier…” Toe ons by die huis kom en aandete geniet, merk haar pa terloops in die gesprek op: “Wel, ek hou darem maar van mooi vroue.” Skaars was die woorde uit sy mond, of Gaeun se helder stemmetjie weerklink dadelik weer: “En dit is mos ons mamma!”
Hoe dit ook al sy, hierdie suster se vyfjarige tweede dogtertjie het gedurig gesê: “Mamma, ek is lief vir Mamma.” Eendag vra haar ma toe vir haar: “Hoekom is jy so lief vir Mamma?” Sonder om 'n oomblik te aarsel, antwoord die kleinding: “Omdat Mamma my liefhet.” (Because you love me.) Dit was tog te oulik! Sedertdien vind ons daardie woorde so bekoorlik dat ons dit self gereeld gebruik.
En tog staan presies hierdie waarheid in die Skrif geskrywe. 1 Johannes 4:19 sê: “Ons het lief, omdat Hy ons eerste liefgehad het.” Dit kom ook voor in die woorde van 'n bekende lofsang—die tweede vers van Gesang 315. In die Engelse lirieke van William Featherston, wat hy geskryf het toe hy op sestienjarige ouderdom tot bekering gekom het, staan daar: “I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me” (Ek het U lief omdat U my eerste liefgehad het).
Ek is nog altyd lomp en gebrekkig in my liefde vir die Here, en nie altyd getrou nie, maar tog het ek die Here innig lief. Want Hy het my eerste liefgehad. As dit nie so was nie, sou ek nooit eers geweet het wat liefde werklik is nie. Die dag toe Hy my kom opsoek het, het my trane soos reën gestroom. Al het ek al meer as twintig jaar lank in hierdie wêreld gelewe, het ek nog nooit werklik gevoel dat iemand my liefhet nie, en miskien juis daarom het ek ook self nog nooit iemand waarlik liefgehad nie.
Ek was nie lief vir my familie of my jonger broers en susters nie, en selfs nie vir myself nie; tog het God my in Sy liefde kom opsoek. Natuurlik het Hy my lank voor daardie tyd reeds liefgehad en my op menigerlei maniere geroep, maar ek het die deur van my hart dig gesluit gehou, nie op Hom gereageer nie, my ore vir Sy stem toegestop en net volgens my eie wil gelewe. As ek na ander gekyk het, het ek myself probeer vlei met die gedagte dat ek darem 'n goeie mens is. Maar toe God my persoonlik kom ontmoet, het ek eers besef hoe nietig ek werklik is, en hoe diep vasgevang in sonde. En eers toe het ek ontdek dat Hy my liefhet, dat ek self 'n geliefde skepsel is, en het ek geleer dat ek ook iemand anders kan liefhê.
Wat 'n onbeskryflike voorreg en dankbaarheid is dit tog dat God ons geskep het om die voorwerpe van Sy liefde te wees! Ongeag hoeveel ons besit, hoe bekwaam ons is, of hoe aantreklik ons lyk—Hy het ons tot Sy eie kinders gemaak, Sy innig beminde kinders.