이번 1월에 저희가 결혼 41주년이 되었는데감사하게도 때맞추어 신년 교례 회니 뭐니 하며 이런 저런 모임들이 있어서 축하를 많이 받게 되었습니다. 게다가 필(feel)이 꽂히면 한 글 하시는 남편이 감사의 글을 써서 지인들에게 보냈지요.그래서 또 여러분들이 축하를 해주셨습니다. 정작 저희 두 사람은 서로를 위해 축하할 겨를도 없이 말입니다.
그런데 제 막내 동생에게서도 축하 메일이 들어 왔습니다. “결혼기념일, 늦었지만 축하드립니다. 주님 안에서 두 분 모습은 언제나 보기 좋습니다. ᄒᄒ기도하는 기쁨, 하나님이 주신 가장 큰 복이 아닐까 합니다. 거의 많은 부분 내 뜻대로 되지 않는 세상살이에서 저한테는 기도가 마지막 위안이고 위로이며 안식이 됩니다. 마지막 벼랑 끝이 아니라 또 다른 방, 또 다른ROOM, 시작이고 희망이라면, 결국 그 벼랑으로부터 자유로워지는 복을 누리는 셈이 아닌가요. 크리스천의 낙천성이 어디에서 오는지 조금씩 배워가는 귀한 시간들입니다. 추운 날씨에 건강하십시오.”
동생의 메일을 받고 참 감사하고 기뻤습니다. 이제 막 세례를 받은 동생의 글에서 하나님을 인격적으로 알고 기도의 의미를 누리는 모습이 보였기 때문입니다. 한 이태가 되었을까요? 어느 날 갑자기 오십이 넘은 동생이 교회를 나가기 시작했습니다. 그것도 저희가 목회했던 그리고 저희 둘째 아들이 아직도 출석하는 나눔교회에 말입니다. 기왕이면 아는 사람이 있는 교회가 좋다면서요. 뜬금없는 남편의 행동에 성당에 다니는 아내가 물었답니다. “아니 나가려면 나를 따라서 성당엘 가야지 웬 교회를 간다고 그래요?” 할 말이 없었는지 대답이 “큰누나가 나를 업어 키웠으니 큰누나가 다니는 교회로 가는 거네.”라고 했다 지요.
동생은 나와는 열네 살이나 차이가 나는 오남매 중 막내입니다. 저는 맏이였지요. 어릴 적에는 ‘큰누나’라는 말이 어려워서 나를 ‘끈나야’라고 불렀습니다. 좀 자라서는 말은 어렵지 않은데 한 번 습관된 말을 고치기가 어려워서인지 아예 호칭을 부르지 않았던 것 같습니다. 그 후 다 커서는 ‘누님’이라고 부르더라고요. 제가 고등학교 시절에 어떤 행사에서 찍은 사진에도 엄마 옆에 붙어서 있는 어린 막내의 모습이 보입니다. 저희 어머니는 늘 많이 편찮으시다 보니 제가 자주 데리고 다녔습니다. 어머니가 편찮으시든지 아니면 어디 가실 일이 있으면 말입니다. 대학 다닐 때도 시험 기간이었는데 또 막내를 데리고 학교를 가야 했습니다. 하는 수 없이 교수님께 양해를 구하고 가는 길에 만화방에 들러서 만화책을 한 보따리 빌려 비어있는 책상에 앉혀놓고 저는 시험을 쳤던 적이 있습니다. 학교 체육 행사에도 데리고 다니곤 했었지요.
교회 출석하기 시작하면서부터 매주 열심히 성경공부며 예배에 잘 참석을 했고 드디어 세례까지 받게 되었습니다. 우리 아들이 외삼촌 세례 받고 간증하는 동영상을 저희에게 보내주었습니다. “···세상의 중심에서 정말 치열하게 달려왔습니다. 그런데··· 고민하던 끝에 저는 2013년 모든 것을 내려놓고 새로운 출발을 합니다···. 제가 한 50년 동안 깨춤을 추고 까불었는데도 주님 눈에는 여전히 제가 그저 불쌍한 어린양이었나 봅니다. 주님의 인도와 들어 쓰심에 굳게 닫았던 마음의 문을 열고, 엎드려 순종하는 은혜가 저에게 찾아옵니다. 분노와 증오는 평강과 사랑으로, 반목과 배신은 관심과 배려로, 전쟁과 보복은 평화와 용서로 찾아왔습니다 ···. 저는 마음 한번 바꾸고 자수하여 광명을 찾았습니다···. 지인들이 ‘갑자기 왜 교회에 다니냐’고 물으면 저는 ‘그냥 좋아서···’라고 대답합니다. 그 아귀 같은 악순환의 고리를 끊고 나왔는데 안 좋을 이유가 뭐가 있겠습니까?”
정말 하나님의 은혜는 놀랍습니다. 제가 뭐 잘해준 것도 별로 없고 기도도 조금 밖에 못 했는데 우리의 기도에 놀랍게 응답하시는 하나님이시니 말입니다. 아니 한 영혼을 불쌍히 여기시는 우리 하나님의 자비하심이었습니다. 제게 그러하셨던 것처럼 우리 오남매 중 아직 주님을 모르는 두 형제에게도 은혜를 베풀어 주시기를 간구합니다. 이 땅을 사는 날 동안 육신적인 부모로 형제로 가족이 되어 함께 살게 하시고 가족관계를 통해서 복음을 전파하게 하시는 하나님의 선하시고 인자하신 뜻을 다시 감사드립니다.
This January marked our 41st wedding anniversary. Thankfully, coinciding with New Year gatherings and various get-togethers, we received an abundance of warm congratulations. Moreover, whenever inspiration strikes, my husband has a real gift with words, and he sent out a message of gratitude to our acquaintances. In return, many more people sent their warm congratulations—so much so that the two of us hardly had a quiet moment to celebrate together between ourselves.
Then, an email of congratulations arrived from my youngest brother. “Belated happy wedding anniversary! Seeing the two of you together in the Lord is always such a joy and inspiration. Haha. The joy of prayer—isn’t it truly the greatest blessing God has granted us? In this worldly life where so much rarely goes according to our own will, prayer has become my ultimate solace, comfort, and peaceful rest. If it is not the edge of a final cliff, but another chamber, another ROOM, a fresh beginning and hope, then aren’t we ultimately enjoying the blessed freedom from that precipice? These are precious times as I gradually learn where a Christian’s enduring optimism truly comes from. Please stay healthy in this cold weather.”
Reading my brother’s email filled my heart with deep gratitude and joy. Through the words written by my brother, who had only recently been baptized, I could clearly perceive that he had come to know God intimately and was resting in the profound meaning of prayer. It must have been about two years ago when, completely out of the blue, my brother in his fifties began attending church. What is more, he went to Nanum Church, where we had previously ministered and where our second son still attends. He reasoned that it was simply better to go where he already knew family. Taken aback by her husband’s sudden move, his wife, who attends a Catholic church, asked him, “If you’re going to attend somewhere, shouldn’t you come to mass with me? Why on earth are you going to a Protestant church?” Having little else to say, he reportedly replied, “My eldest sister carried me on her back and raised me, so naturally I should go to the church she belongs to.”
My brother is the youngest of our five siblings, born fourteen years after me. I was the eldest. When he was little, struggling to pronounce the Korean words for 'eldest sister' (Keun-nuna), he used to call me Kkeun-naya. As he grew a little older, although the words were no longer hard to speak, it seemed difficult to break an old habit, so for a while, he avoided calling me by any title at all. Later, once fully grown, he began calling me respectfully as Nunim. In a photograph taken during an event when I was in high school, I can still see my little brother clinging tightly to our mother’s side. Because our mother was constantly frail and unwell, I was the one who frequently looked after him and took him along whenever she was sick or had urgent errands to run. Even during my college exams, there were days I had to bring my little brother with me to school. Having no other choice, I asked the professor for permission, stopped by a comic book shop on the way to rent a whole bundle of comics, sat him down at an empty desk in the classroom, and took my exam. I used to bring him along to university sports days as well.
From the moment he began attending church, he faithfully participated in weekly Bible studies and worship services, and eventually, he was baptized. Our son sent us a video clip of his uncle receiving baptism and sharing his personal testimony: “...I used to run with all my might, furiously competing at the very center of worldly pursuits. But after much soul-searching, in 2013, I laid everything down to make a brand-new start... Even though I had spent nearly fifty years stumbling, dancing wildly, and acting recklessly, in the Lord’s eyes, I must have still seemed like nothing more than a poor, pitiful little lamb. By the Lord’s gentle guidance and sovereign hand, the door of my tightly shut heart swung open, and the grace to kneel and obey came flooding into my life. Anger and hatred were replaced by peace and love; enmity and betrayal gave way to care and thoughtful compassion; strife and revenge transformed into reconciliation and forgiveness... By turning my heart around and turning myself in to God, I have found the radiant light... When acquaintances ask me, ‘Why did you suddenly start going to church?’, I simply reply, ‘Because I just love it so much...’ Having broken free from that voracious, vicious cycle of life, how could I not be joyful?”
Truly, God’s grace is astonishing. I had done so little for him and prayed only so feebly, yet our God responds to our prayers in such marvelous ways. Indeed, it was entirely the tender mercy of our God, who looks with compassion upon a single soul. Just as He has been so gracious to me, I earnestly plead that He will pour out His grace upon my two other brothers among our five siblings who do not yet know the Lord. I give heartfelt thanks once again for God’s good and loving purpose—giving us earthly parents, brothers, and sisters to live alongside one another as a family, using those very family bonds to spread the precious Gospel of grace.
Hierdie Januarie het ons ons 41ste huweliksherdenking gevier. Dankbaar genoeg, saamvallend met Nuwejaarsbyeenkomste en allerhande gesellighede, het ons oorvloedige gelukwensings ontvang. Boonop het my man, wat werklik 'n besondere slag met die pen het wanneer inspirasie hom tref, 'n dankbetuiging aan vriende en kennisse gestuur. Gevolglik het nog meer mense ons gelukgewens—sóveel so dat ons twee skaars 'n stil oomblik gehad het om mekaar self te herdenk en geluk te wens.
Toe ontvang ek egter ook 'n gelukwensing per e-pos van my jongste boetie: “Laat maar baie geluk met julle huweliksherdenking! Om julle twee saam in die Here te sien, is altyd so 'n vreugdevolle inspirasie. Haha. Die vreugde van gebed—is dit nie werklik die allergrootste seëning wat God ons geskenk het nie? In hierdie aardse lewe waar dinge so selde na ons eie wense verloop, het gebed vir my die laaste troos, bemoediging en rusplek geword. As dit nie die rand van 'n finale afgrond is nie, maar 'n ander vertrek, nog 'n KAMER, 'n vars begin en hoop, geniet 'n mens dan nie uiteindelik die geseënde vryheid van daardie afgrond nie? Dit is kosbare tye waarin ek stelselmatig leer waar 'n Christen se standvastige lewensblyheid vandaan kom. Bly asseblief gesond in hierdie koue weer.”
Om my boetie se brief te lees, het my hart met groot dankbaarheid en vreugde gevul. Deur die woorde van my broer, wat pas gedoop is, kon ek duidelik aanvoel dat hy God persoonlik leer ken het en die diepe sin van gebed begin smaak het. Dit moes omtrent twee jaar gelede gewees het toe my boetie, reeds oor die vyftig, eensklaps kerk toe begin gaan het. En boonop na Nanum-gemeente, waar ons vroeër bedien het en waar ons tweede seun steeds 'n lidmaat is. Hy het geredeneer dat dit eenvoudig beter is om na 'n kerk te gaan waar daar reeds bekendes is. Uit die veld geslaan deur haar man se onverwagse besluit, het sy vrou, wat die Katolieke kerk besoek, hom gevra: “As jy dan wil kerk toe gaan, behoort jy mos saam met my mis toe te gaan; waarom op aarde gaan jy na 'n Protestantse kerk?” Omdat hy min anders kon antwoord, het hy glo gesê: “My oudste suster het my op haar rug gedra en grootgemaak, so natuurlik gaan ek na die kerk waar sy hoort.”
My boetie is die jongste van ons vyf kinders, veertien jaar jonger as ek. Ek was die oudste. Toe hy nog klein was en gesukkel het om die Koreaanse woorde vir 'oudste suster' (Keun-nuna) uit te spreek, het hy my altyd Kkeun-naya genoem. Namate hy groter geword het, was die woorde nie meer moeilik nie, maar dit was seker moeilik om 'n ingewortelde gewoonte af te leer, sodat hy my 'n tyd lank glad nie op 'n naam of titel aangespreek het nie. Later, toe hy heeltemal volwasse was, het hy my met eerbied Nunim begin noem. Op 'n foto wat geneem is tydens 'n geleentheid toe ek op hoërskool was, kan 'n mens steeds my klein boetie styf teen ons ma se sy sien staan. Omdat ons ma gedurig baie swak en siek was, was ek die een wat hom gereeld moes omsien en saamneem wanneer sy siek was of êrens heen moes gaan. Selfs op universiteit tydens eksamentyd moes ek my klein boetie eenkeer saamneem kampus toe. Aangesien daar geen ander uitweg was nie, het ek my professor om verskoning gevra, op pad by 'n strokiesprentwinkel aangedoen om 'n hele bondel strokiesprente te huur, hom by 'n leë lessenaar laat sit en my eksamen geskryf. Ek het hom ook altyd saamgeneem na sportdae by die skool.
Vandat hy begin kerk toe gaan het, het hy elke week getrou die Bybelstudie en eredienste bygewoon en is hy uiteindelik ook gedoop. Ons seun het vir ons 'n video gestuur van sy oom wat gedoop word en sy getuienis lewer: “...Ek het vroeër met al my krag gehardloop, fel meegeding in die sentrum van die wêreld. Maar ná baie worsteling het ek in 2013 alles neergelê om 'n nuwe begin te maak... Al het ek byna vyftig jaar lank wild en roekeloos rondgedans en te kere gegaan, was ek in die oë van die Here blykbaar steeds net 'n arme, bejammerenswaardige lammetjie. Deur die Here se leiding en getroue hand het die stewig geslote deur van my hart oopgeswaai, en die genade om neer te buig en te gehoorsaam, het na my gekom. Woede en haat is vervang met vrede en liefde; vyandskap en verraad het plek gemaak vir omgee en bedagsaamheid; oorlog en wraak het verander in vrede en vergifnis... Deur my hart om te keer en my aan God oor te gee, het ek die helder lig gevind... Wanneer kennisse my vra: ‘Waarom het jy ewe skielik begin kerk toe gaan?’, antwoord ek bloot: ‘Omdat dit vir my net so goed is...’ As 'n mens daardie genadelose, bose kringloop verbreek het en daaruit gekom het, waarom sou 'n mens dan nie intens verheug wees nie?”
Waarlik, God se genade is wonderbaarlik. Ek het immers nie veel besonders vir hom gedoen nie en slegs so 'n bietjie gebid, en tog is Hy 'n God wat ons gebede so oorvloedig verhoor. Nee, dit was louter die barmhartigheid van ons God, wat 'n enkele siel innig jammer kry. Net soos Hy aan my genadig was, bid ek vurig dat Hy ook genade sal bewys aan die twee broers onder ons vyf sibbes wat die Here nog nie ken nie. Ek dank die Here opnuut vir sy goeie en liefdevolle raadsplan—dat Hy ons tydens ons lewe op aarde as biologiese ouers en kinders, broers en susters saamgevoeg het, sodat ons deur hierdie gesinsbande die kosbare Evangelie kan verkondig.