지난 3월 한 달을 되돌아 봅니다. 설교자인 제게는 설교를 하는 일이 중요합니다. 요즈음 정규적인 설교 사역으로는 제가 속한 에스라성경대학원 대학교에서 수요예배에 말씀을 전하는 일이 거의 유일합니다. 그리고 수요예배 후에 저녁 식사를 마치고 7시 이후에 강해설교 특강을 신청한 몇 몇 학생들과 한 시간 남짓 설교에 대해서 나누는 시간이 있습니다. 그리고 엄밀히 말하면 설교라고는 부를 수 없지만, 큐티 말씀 묵상을 순서에 따라 학우들에게 인도하는 일이 있습니다. 그 외에는 은퇴한 사람으로서 정규적인 주일 설교로부터는 해방이 된 기쁨을 맛보고 있습니다.
그러나 지난 한 달은 달랐습니다. 우리 학교의 설립자이자 명예 이사장이셨던 백정란 권사님이 어느 월요일 입원해서 금요일에 하나님의 품에 안겼고, 학교장(學校葬)으로 장례를 치루면서 총장으로서 맡아야 했던 설교가 갑자기 생겼습니다. 보통 입관예배, 발인예배, 하관예배 세 차례의 예배를 드리는데, 감사하게도 가장 많은 조문객들이 참석하는 발인예배, 천국환송예배는 사회만 하고, 권사님이 미리 정해두신 은퇴교수님께서 말씀을 전하셨기에, 입관예배와 하관예배 설교를 준비하는데 숨 쉴만한 마음의 여유가 있었습니다. 그것은 결국 저를 위한 소중한 배려였습니다.
또 하나 특별한 설교가 있었습니다. 지난 주간 오피니언에 언급한대로 <2021 한국교회 사순절 회개 기도회> “내가 주님을 못 박았습니다”라는 순서에 금요일 아침 메시지를 맡았기 때문입니다. 설교는 은퇴한 목사들이 맡고. 기도회는 현직 담임목사들이 인도하기로 했습니다. 이번 메시지의 초점은 세상을 향해서도, 1차 청중인 성도들을 향해서라기보다는, 설교자 자신의 고해성사(?)에 초점을 맞추기로 합의가 되어 있었습니다. 그래서 본문 선택부터 여간 부담이 되는 것이 아니었습니다. 감사하게도 다음 달 중순에 죠이북스에서 출간될 <읽는 설교 요한계시록> 설교를 저자로서 마지막으로 검토하다가 만난, “울지 말라”(계 5:5)란 설교가 떠올랐습니다.
그래서 특정한 청중을 의식하면서, 정해진 규격, 30분에 맞추려고 원고를 여러 차례 다듬어서, 정해진 날짜에 정해진 시간에 강단에 섰습니다. 순조로이 시작을 해서 항해를 하고 있었는데, 슬쩍 살펴보니, 원고는 2/3에 도달했는데, 시간은 2/3나 남은 것 같은 상황이니 어떻게 하면 좋습니까? 그런 위기에서 나머지 상황을 주께 맡기는 것은, 쉽지는 않아도 다른 선택의 여지는 없습니다. 마침내 설교가 끝났고 카톡으로 몇 몇 분들의 피드백이 도착합니다. “늘 말씀만 듣던 목사님의 설교를 집적 들을수 있어서 넘 감사 했습니다.” “목사님!!!! 오늘 새벽 말씀에 은혜 많이 받았어요!!! 여전히 목사님은 강단에서 유다의 사자!!! 세요. 감사합니다, 목사님.” “고맙습니다 김 목사님^^ 주께서 쓰시겠다 해서 차출된 어린 나귀의 마음으로~~” “ 온누리교회에서 설교하신 말씀 듣고 울어야 되는 상황을 인지하지도 못하고 죽음의 준비가 아닌 노후를 걱정하고 있는 나 자신이 한심스럽기 그지 없었습니다 그러나 또 다시 전진할 기회를 주시니, 의지하고 달려갈 길을 가보려 합니다” 역시 설교사역은 성령께서 도와주셔야 가능한 일입니다.
Looking back on the past month of March, as a preacher, preaching is undeniably important to me. Nowadays, my regular preaching ministry consists almost exclusively of delivering the message at the Wednesday chapel service at Ezra Bible Graduate University, where I serve. After the Wednesday service and dinner, from 7:00 PM onward, I spend a little over an hour sharing insights on preaching with a handful of students who signed up for an expository preaching seminar. Strictly speaking, it may not qualify as formal preaching, but I also lead quiet-time (QT) meditation for the student body in turn. Aside from these, as a retiree, I have been savoring the joy of being freed from the regular burden of Sunday preaching.
However, this past month was quite different. Senior Deaconess Baek Jeong-ran, the founder and honorary board chair of our university, was admitted to the hospital on a Monday and went to be in the arms of the Lord that Friday. As her funeral was conducted as an official school funeral, unexpected preaching duties suddenly fell upon me as university president. Usually, Korean funerals involve three consecutive services: the encoffining service, the funeral service (departure), and the graveside burial service. Thankfully, for the main funeral service—the celebration of entering heaven, which draws the largest gathering of mourners—I served only as the presider, while a retired professor preselected by the late deaconess delivered the message. Consequently, I had enough breathing room to prepare messages for the encoffining and burial services. In the end, that proved to be a gracious consideration extended to me.
There was yet another special preaching assignment. As mentioned in last week's column, I was entrusted with the Friday morning message for the <2021 Korean Church Lent Repentance Prayer Meeting> under the theme, "I Have Crucified the Lord." It was decided that retired pastors would preach, while active senior pastors would lead the prayer times. Furthermore, it was agreed that the focus of the message should be on the preacher's personal confession—almost like a confession of sins—rather than targeted at the world or the primary audience of believers. Naturally, selecting the text felt exceedingly burdensome. Thankfully, while doing a final authorial review of my sermon manuscript for A Reading Sermon on Revelation, slated for publication by Joy Books in the middle of next month, I came across the message entitled "Do Not Weep" (Rev. 5:5), which sparked in my mind.
Conscious of this unique audience, I polished the manuscript several times to fit the allotted thirty-minute timeframe, standing behind the pulpit on the appointed date and time. It started smoothly, and I was cruising along, but when I took a quick glance at the clock, my manuscript was already two-thirds finished, yet nearly two-thirds of the time still seemed to remain! What was I to do? In such a crisis, leaving the rest of the moment in the Lord’s hands is never easy, but there is no other choice. Finally, the sermon ended, and feedbacks began arriving via KakaoTalk:
“I had always only heard of you, Pastor, so hearing your sermon in person was such a tremendous blessing.”
“Pastor!!!! I was so deeply moved by this morning’s dawn message!!! You are still a Lion of Judah behind the pulpit! Thank you, Pastor.”
“Thank you, Pastor Kim^^ Stepping forward with the heart of a little donkey summoned because 'The Lord needs it'~~”
“Listening to the sermon you preached at Onnuri Church, I felt utterly pathetic—failing even to realize when I ought to weep, worrying about my retirement instead of preparing for death. Yet since the Lord grants another chance to press forward, I will trust in Him and run the race set before me.”
Indeed, preaching ministry is something truly possible only when the Holy Spirit helps.
As ek terugkyk op die afgelope maand van Maart, besef ek weer hoe belangrik prediking vir my as prediker bly. Deesdae bestaan my gereelde preekbediening feitlik net uit die Woordverkondiging tydens die Woensdagaanddiens by Ezra Bybelse Nagraadse Universiteit, waar ek verbonde is. Ná die Woensdagdiens en aandete bring ek vanaf sewenuur sowat 'n uur saam met 'n paar studente deur wat ingeskryf het vir 'n seminaar oor verklarende prediking, om oor die kuns van prediking te gesels. Streng gesproke kan dit nie ware prediking genoem word nie, maar ek lei ook beurtelings die stiltetyd-oordenkings vir ons medestudente. Buiten dit geniet ek as afgetredene die vreugde om bevry te wees van die gereelde las van Sondagse preke.
Die afgelope maand was egter anders. Senior Diakones Baek Jeong-ran, die stigter en ere-voorsitter van ons universiteit se raad, is op 'n Maandag in die hospitaal opgeneem en het daardie Vrydag in die arms van die Here ontslaap. Omdat die begrafnis as 'n amptelike universiteitsbegrafnis gereël is, het daar skielik onverwagse preekverpligtinge op my skouers as rektor geval. Gewoonlik behels 'n begrafnis drie dienste: die kisleggingsdiens, die roudiens (vertrek), en die terbaardebestelling. Genadiglik het ek tydens die hoofbegrafnisdiens—die hemelse verwelkomingsdiens wat die meeste roubeklaers trek—slegs as liturg opgetree, terwyl 'n afgetrede professor wat vooraf deur die diakones aangewys is, die Woord bedien het. Daardeur het ek genoeg asemhalingsruimte gehad om preke vir die kislegging en die teraardebestelling voor te berei. Uiteindelik was dit 'n baie kosbare blyk van versorging vir my.
Daar was nóg 'n buitengewone preekgeleentheid. Soos ek in verlede week se rubriek genoem het, is die Vrydagoggendboodskap van die <2021 Koreaanse Kerk Lydenstyd-Verootmoedigingsbiduur> onder die tema “Ek het die Here gekruisig” aan my toevertrou. Daar is ooreengekom dat afgetrede predikante sou preek, terwyl dienende leraars die gebede sou lei. Boonop was die afspraak dat die klem van die boodskap nie gerig sou wees op die wêreld of primêr op die gemeentelede nie, maar eerder sou dien as die prediker se eie skuldbelydenis (byna soos 'n biegsakrament). Gevolglik was die keuse van 'n teks van die begin af 'n reuse las. Genadiglik het die preek getiteld “Moenie huil nie” (Op. 5:5) by my opgekom toe ek, as skrywer, besig was met die finale proeflees van my preekbundel 'n Leesbare Preek oor Openbaring, wat middel volgende maand deur Joy Books uitgegee word.
Met 'n baie spesifieke gehoor in gedagte, het ek die manuskrip herhaaldelik gepoleer om binne die toegekende tydsduur van dertig minute te pas, en op die vasgestelde dag en uur agter die kansel gestaan. Alles het vlot begin en ek het rustig gevaar, maar toe ek vinnig op die horlosie kyk, was my manuskrip reeds twee derdes klaar, terwyl daar oënskynlik nog twee derdes van die tyd oor was! Wat maak 'n mens in so 'n situasie? In so 'n krisis is dit nie maklik om die verloop van sake in die Here se hande te laat nie, maar daar was geen ander uitweg nie. Uiteindelik was die preek verby, en terugvoer het via KakaoTalk begin instroom:
“Ek het nog altyd net van u gehoor, Dominee, en dit was so 'n groot voorreg om u preek eerstehands te kon hoor.”
“Dominee!!!! Vanoggend se oggendboodskap het my so diep getref!!! Agter die kansel bly u waarlik nog die Leeu van Juda!!! Baie dankie, Dominee.”
“Baie dankie, Ds. Kim^^ Met die hart van 'n jong donkie wat opgeroep is omdat 'die Here hom nodig het'~~”
“Toe ek die preek hoor wat u by Onnuri Gemeente gelewer het, het ek myself so jammerlik bevind—ek het nie eens besef wanneer ek behoort te huil nie, en ek was besig om my oor my aftrede te bekommer in plaas daarvan om vir die dood voor te berei. Maar noudat die Here my weer 'n kans gee om vorentoe te beur, wil ek op Hom vertrou en die wedloop met volharding hardloop.”
Voorwaar, die preekbediening is 'n saak wat slegs moontlik is wanneer die Heilige Gees self kragtig te hulp kom.