늘 그렇듯이 사고는 우연히 일어나기도 합니다. 결심하고 사고를 치는 경우는 드물 겁니다. 거실에서 뛰어놀던 아이가 아끼던 물건을 깨뜨립니다. 당장 호통을 칩니다. “너 왜 그릇을 깨뜨렸어?” 이유가 있어서 그랬을리 만무합니다. 제게도 관대하게 대해 주십시오. 지난 금요일 저녁입니다. “한 주간이 지나갔습니다. 칼럼 보냅니다.”라며 <기쁨의 잔치를 준비하며>라는 칼럼을 써서 담당PD분께 보냈더니 바로 뒷 날 토요일 아침에 “네 목사님~~ 오늘 오후에 올리겠습니다.” “매주 수고해 주셔서 감사합니다^^” 오후 4시 정각입니다. “목사님 방금 올렸습니다.^..^” 여기까지는 일상적인 순항이였습니다.
정신 없이 주말을 보내고 주일 오후에 여유가 생기자 성도의 교제 차원에서 칼럼 <기쁨의 잔치를 준비하며>를 데스크탑에서 보내기 시작했습니다. 사실 매주 한 편의 글을 썼지만 보낸다는 것은 생각도 못하고 어쩌다 시간이 나면 즐겨찾기로 분류된 사람들에게 보내기 시작하다가 새로운 일이 밀려들면 중단할 수 밖에 없습니다. 그런데 그날은 그렇게 한다고 생각하고 시작했는데 상당한 시간이 흐르면서 이상기류를 감지했습니다. 10명씩 보내다가 이름이 생소한 분들이 등장하기 시작하면서 ‘뭐지 이게?’ 하는 자문을 할 때는, 이미 엄청난 사람들에게 보낸 후였습니다. 요즈음 아이들 표현을 쓰면 <빼박캔트>에 빠진 것입니다. 그 때 스쳐가는 생각이, ‘나의 실수조차 하나님의 뜻을 이루는 데 사용되었으면’이었습니다.
하여 어떻게 연결되었는지 기억도 나지 않는 수 천명의 카톡친구(?)들에게 작심하고 칼럼을 보냈습니다. 아니나 다를까 입질도 눈팅도 하지 않는 많은 사람들 가운데서 새순이 돋아나듯 답문을 보내오는 분들이 있었고, 또 그 가운데는 칼럼을 읽고 후원금을 학교법인 구좌로 보내기도 했습니다. 그러다 보니 몇 년씩 소식이 없던 분들 가운데는 제가 에스라성경대학원대학교에서 사역한다는 것을 비로소 알고, 기쁨의 문안을 해오기도 했고, 학교법인이 부담금을 해결하기 위해 모금을 한다는 사실을 비로소 알았으니 이제부터는 기도하겠다는 분들이 대부분이었습니다. 그런데 문제는 그런 칼럼을 보내면 오해하실 수도 있는 분들에게도 무차별하게 보냈으니, 그동안 교제를 밑천으로 외상값 청구서를 보낸 것처럼 되어서 엄청 미안했습니다. 하지만 대부분의 후원자들은 기회를 주어서 고맙다고 고백했습니다.
그 가운데, 성도의 교제를 봄비 같이 촉촉히 적시는 글들도 있었습니다. “목사님, 문자 주셔서 감사합니다. 요한계시록은 틈틈히 잘 읽고 있습니다. 친필싸인 책을 받아볼 수 있다면 영광입니다^^ <땅위에는영원한 도성은 없습니다>는 히브리서 설교집은 세상에 안주하고싶을 때 마음을 잡아주는 제게 귀한 책입니다. 그리고 예전 에스라대학원대학교를 거친 울산교회 목사님들의 더 깊어진 말씀을 들을 수 있는 시간들이 있어서 에스라에 빚이 있는 자입니다. 사역을 위해 멀리서 기도합니다. 건강하십시요♡” 그런가 하면 마음이 아픈 사연도 있습니다. “사고 치셨네요~~ ” “네 사고요? 저는 목사님 은퇴하시고 난 후, 조용히 착하게 살고 있습니다. ㅎㅎ” 그러면서 실토를 했습니다. “아내가 제 생일에 (아이)패드를 바꿔주려고 몰래 돈을 모았습니다^^ 근데 저도 목사님 글을 읽으며 마음이 움직였고 아내도 동일하게 목사님 글을 읽으며 그런 마음이 들었습니다. 비록 전부를 드리지 못해 미안하지만 작은 힘이 나마 보태고 싶었습니다^^” 이번 며칠 동안 최고액을 보낸 분은 답합니다. “엄청 큰 사고 치셨네요^^”라고 했더니 “큰 도움을 못드려서 마음이 가볍지 않습니다.” 그렇지요? 사랑은 다 드려도 아쉬운 마음이지요?
As is always the case, accidents often happen purely by chance. Rarely does anyone set out with determination to cause an accident. A child running around the living room accidentally breaks a cherished heirloom. Instantly, an angry rebuke follows: “Why did you break that dish?” There could hardly have been a deliberate reason. I ask that you show me the same generous grace.
It happened last Friday evening. “Another week has flown by. I am sending in my column,” I wrote, attaching the essay titled Preparing for a Feast of Joy, and sent it off to the producer in charge. Early the next morning, Saturday, the reply came: “Yes, Pastor! I will post it this afternoon.” “Thank you as always for your weekly labor of love. ^^” At exactly 4:00 PM: “Pastor, it has just been posted! ^..^” Up to this point, everything was sailing along smoothly on its usual course.
- Cornelian cherry dogwood in front of the new hall
After a whirlwind weekend, finding a bit of breathing room on Sunday afternoon, I decided from my desktop computer to share my column, Preparing for a Feast of Joy, with some friends as a token of Christian fellowship. Truth be told, while I write a column every week, sending them around individually rarely crosses my mind. Only when time permits do I send it to a handful of people in my favorites list; as soon as pressing duties pile in, I have to stop. That day, I thought I was simply doing the same. Yet after quite some time had elapsed, I sensed an unsettling anomaly. As I sent it out in batches of ten, unfamiliar names began to crop up. By the time I asked myself, ‘Wait, what is this?’, it had already been broadcast to an immense number of contacts. To borrow a phrase popular with young people these days, I was completely trapped—there was no turning back. In that moment, a fleeting prayer crossed my mind: ‘Lord, may even my blunder be used to fulfill Your good purpose.’
- Spicebush blossoms on Mount Daejasan
And so, I resolved to go all the way, sending the column to thousands of KakaoTalk contacts—many of whom I could not even recall how we were connected. Sure enough, among the silent crowd who neither took the bait nor checked the message, some began sending replies blooming like tender green shoots in spring. A few, after reading the column, even transferred donations to the university foundation's account. Through this, some who had fallen out of touch for years learned for the first time that I was serving at Ezra Bible Graduate University and sent joyful greetings. Many others, discovering that the school foundation was raising funds to meet its legal endowment obligations, assured me they would commit to praying from that moment on. The rub, however, was that because I had broadcast it indiscriminately, even to those who might misunderstand the gesture, it felt as though I had cashed in on years of fellowship to send them an unsolicited bill, which left me feeling terribly sheepish. Yet most supporters graciously confessed that they were thankful simply to have been given the opportunity.
- Cornelian cherry blossoms in full bloom last year
Among the messages, there were tender words that refreshed the communion of the saints like gentle spring rain: “Pastor, thank you so much for your message. I have been cherishing the book of Revelation whenever I can spare a moment. It would be an honor to receive a signed copy. ^^ Your sermon collection on Hebrews, No Enduring City on Earth, is a treasured book that steadies my heart whenever I feel tempted to settle complacently into this world. Moreover, having sat under the ministry of pastors at Ulsan Church whose preaching grew so much deeper after studying at Ezra Bible Graduate University, I truly feel indebted to Ezra. I will be praying for your ministry from afar. Please stay well and healthy. ♡”
There was also a poignant story that tugged at my heartstrings: “Pastor, you’ve really gone and caused an accident this time~~” “An accident? Why, since retiring, I’ve been living quietly and behaving myself, haha.” Then came the confession: “My wife had been secretly saving up money to buy me a new iPad for my birthday. ^^ But when I read your column, my heart was moved, and reading it moved my wife's heart just the same. Though we are sorry we cannot give everything, we wanted to contribute even a small bit of strength. ^^” To the donor who sent the single largest contribution over those few days, I teased, “You’ve caused a massive accident yourself! ^^” and received this humble reply: “My heart feels heavy only because I could not offer greater help.” Isn't that the truth? When it comes to genuine love, even after giving everything, one's heart still longs to give more.
Soos altyd gebeur ongelukke dikwels heeltemal per toeval. Min mense neem doelbewus die besluit om ’n ongeluk te veroorsaak. ’n Kind wat in die sitkamer rondbaljaar, breek ’n kosbare erfstuk. Dadelik val die bestraffing: “Waarom het jy daardie bord gebreek?” Daar kon immers beswaarlik ’n opsetlike rede voor gewees het. Betoon asseblief aan my dieselfde lankmoedigheid.
Dit het verlede Vrydagaand gebeur. “Nog ’n week het verbygegaan. Ek stuur my rubriek,” het ek geskryf terwyl ek die stuk met die titel Terwyl Ons ’n Fees van Vreugde Voorberei aan die betrokke regisseur gestuur het. Vroeg die volgende oggend, Saterdag, lui die antwoord: “Ja, Dominee~~ Ek sal dit vanmiddag laai.” “Dankie vir u getroue weeklikse moeite ^^.” Presies om 16:00: “Dominee, ek het dit pas geplaas! ^..^” Tot op daardie punt het alles rustig en seepglad volgens plan verloop.
- Kornoelieboom voor die nuwe vleuel
Nadat ek ’n gejaagde naweek deurgemaak het en Sondagmiddag ’n blaaskansie gekry het, het ek van my rekenaar af begin om die rubriek Terwyl Ons ’n Fees van Vreugde Voorberei aan gelowiges te stuur as ’n gebaar van broederlike gemeenskap. Om die waarheid te sê, al skryf ek elke week ’n stuk, dink ek selde daaraan om dit wyd uit te stuur. Slegs wanneer daar toevallig tyd is, stuur ek dit aan ’n paar gunstelingkontakte; sodra ander dringende take opdaag, moet ek noodgedwonge ophou. Daardie dag het ek gedink ek doen presies dieselfde. Maar nadat ’n geruime tyd verloop het, het ek ’n vreemde wending opgemerk. Terwyl ek dit in groepe van tien uitgestuur het, het daar skielik onbekende name begin verskyn. Teen die tyd dat ek myself afgevra het: ‘Wat gaan hier aan?’, het ek dit alreeds aan ’n reusagtige menigte mense gestuur. Om die jongmense se hedendaagse uitdrukking te gebruik: ek was vasgekeer—daar was geen omdraaikans meer nie. In daardie oomblik het ’n gedagte by my opgekom: ‘Here, mag selfs my flater gebruik word om U wil te volbring.’
- Lindera-bloeisels op Daejasan-berg
En toe besluit ek maar om dit voluit deur te voer en die rubriek na duisende KakaoTalk-vriende(?) te stuur—mense van wie ek nie eers meer kon onthou hoe ons paaie gekruis het nie. En wraggies, tussen die stil swye van diegene wat nie eers gereageer of gekyk het nie, was daar enkeles wat soos nuwe lentelote begin antwoord het. Van hulle het selfs, nadat hulle die rubriek gelees het, dadelik ’n skenking na die universiteitstigting se rekening oorgeplaas. Só het mense van wie ek jare lank niks gehoor het nie, vir die eerste keer agtergekom dat ek by Ezra Bybelse Nagraadse Universiteit dien, en hulle het my met hartlike blydskap gegroet. Baie van hulle het gesê dat aangesien hulle nou eers verneem het dat die stigting fondse insamel om sy wetlike verpligtinge na te kom, hulle van nou af getrou daarvoor sal bid. Die tameletjie was egter dat ek dit sonder aansiens des persoons ook gestuur het aan mense wat die bedoeling verkeerd kon verstaan; dit het gevoel asof ek jare se vriendskap as pand gebruik het om ’n onverwagte rekening te stuur, en ek het vreeslik sleg gevoel daaroor. Tog het die meeste ondersteuners dankbaar bely dat hulle bly was oor die geleentheid om te kon gee.
- Kornoeliebloeisels in volle blom verlede jaar
Tussen die reaksies was daar briewe wat die gemeenskap van die heiliges soos sagte lentereën verkwik het: “Dominee, baie dankie vir die boodskap. Ek lees Openbaring gereeld so tussendeur. Dit sal vir my ’n groot eer wees om ’n getekende eksemplaar te ontvang. ^^ U preke oor Hebreërs, Geen Blywende Stad op Aarde, is vir my ’n kosbare boek wat my hart anker wanneer ek te gerieflik in die wêreld wil raak. Boonop het ek die voorreg gehad om na Ulsan Gemeente se predikante te luister wie se woordverkondiging soveel verdiep het nadat hulle aan Ezra Bybelse Nagraadse Universiteit studeer het—ek voel werklik verskuldig aan Ezra. Ek bid van ver af vir u bediening. Bly asseblief gesond en geseënd. ♡”
Daar was ook verhale wat ’n mens se hart diep raak: “Dominee, u het nou behoorlik ’n ongeluk veroorsaak~~” “Wat, ’n ongeluk? Vandat ek afgetree het, leef ek tog so soet en rustig, haha.” Toe bely hy: “My vrou het in die geheim geld gespaar om vir my verjaardag ’n nuwe iPad te koop. ^^ Maar toe ek u skrywe lees, is my hart diep geraak, en my vrou het presies dieselfde ervaar. Al kan ons nie alles gee nie, wou ons uit die diepte van ons harte ’n beskeie bydrae lewer. ^^” Aan die persoon wat die afgelope paar dae die grootste enkele bedrag geskenk het, het ek geskerts: “U het self ’n allemintige ongeluk veroorsaak! ^^” Waarop die antwoord gekom het: “My gemoed voel swaar juis omdat ek nie veel meer kon help nie.” Is dit nie die waarheid nie? As dit by ware liefde kom, voel die hart altyd onvergenoegd—selfs wanneer ’n mens alles gegee het.