태평양을 건너 샌프란시스코 공항에 내렸을 때는 다리가 아팠습니다. 오죽하면 공항 출입국 수속을 위해 줄을 서는 중에 떨어뜨린 휴대폰을 줍는 것을 아내에게 부탁을 했을까요! 여기 도착해서도 두산리처럼 눈을 떠서 아침을 먹고 나면 걷습니다. 다른 점은 돈도골 대신에 이곳 샌라몬에서는 비숍 렌치 오픈 스페이스를 걷는 것입니다. 아이들 집에서 10분도 채 걷지 않으면 도달하고 카운티 공원의 한적함과 샌라몬 밸리와 디아블로 산을 한 눈에 담을 수 있는 곳입니다. 약간의 경사가 있지만 길폭이 넓고 정비가 잘 되어 있으며 곳곳에 참나무 숲과 완만한 풀밭이 섞여 있어서 언제나 조잘거리는 새들의 노래를 들으며 가끔 방목된 소들을 볼 수 있는 곳이기도 합니다.
그런데 문제는 그 넓고 시원한 장소를 걸을 때는 말할 것도 없고, 집안에서 침대에 오르내리는 일부터 힘들고, 실내에서 조금씩 움직이는 것조차 힘들었습니다. 물론 아파도 도착한 바로 다음 날부터 걷는 일은 중단되지 않았지만 내내 마음 속에는 왜 갑자기 여기저기 하체가 아픈지 그 원인이 궁금했습니다. 게다가 갈수록 심해졌습니다. 그 때 불현듯 디스크 문제라는 생각이 스쳤습니다. 그렇다면 세 번째 찾아온 셈입니다. 첫 번째는 현역일 때였습니다. 그 때는 6개월 정도 높은 의자에 앉아서 주일마다 설교를 할 수 밖에 없었습니다. 빨리 회복되어 서서 설교할 수 있도록 해 달라고 성도들이 기도할 때마다 조기은퇴를 생각할만큼 마음고생도 심했습니다.
두 번째는 은퇴한 첫 해입니다. 연말에 은퇴를 하고 새해 1월 초인가 미국에 있는 큰 아들이 전화를 해서 왜 은퇴를 했으면 미국으로 오지 않고 후임 목사님께 부담되게 울산에 머물러 있냐고 다그쳐서 한국에 코로나가 막 터질 무렵 미국으로 와서 지내다가 다시 미국에 코로나 심해져서 3월 초에 귀국을 했습니다. 집에 돌아왔을 때 마당 잔디에 잡초가 여기저기 올라와서 하루 한 두시간 미만으로 사나흘 풀을 뽑았는데 디스크가 두 번째 찾아왔습니다. 의사의 처방대로 경사진 산을 가는 대신에 평평한 길을 걸었습니다. 하지만 중간중간 의료적 혜택을 받았음에도 6개월이 지나도록 조금도 개선되지 않았습니다. 그즈음 무조건 산길을 걸었던 1차 때가 불현듯 떠올랐습니다. 그래서 딱딱한 포장된 길 대신에 바로 산길을, 정확히는 흙길을 걷기 시작했고 1주일만에 상태가 개선되기 시작했습니다.
이번에는 3차로 디스크가 찾아왔다는 생각이 들자 미국에서 의료 진료를 받는 대신에 새로운 디스크 치료 방법을 접하게 되었습니다. 그 가운데 신전자세를 배우게 되었고 걷는 자세까지 교정하기 시작했습니다. 신기하게도 사흘이 되지 않았는데 하루 몇 차례의 실습을 통해서 조금씩 달라졌고, 오늘 아침에는 통증없이 휠씬 빠르게 보폭도 넓게 할수 있었습니다. 기왕 새로운 걸음을 걷기 시작하면서 욕심이 생겼습니다. 77년 동안 앞으로 구부정하게 걷는 걸음걸이만 아니라 대충 씹어서 ‘전투적으로‘ 먹던 음식을 먹는 방법도 바꾸려고 합니다. 이미 두 번씩이나 은퇴를 했고 앞으로 남은 목표는 하늘 아버지 품에 안기는 일외는 없는데 뭐가 그렇게 바쁘게 서두를 필요가 있을까요? 이번에도 울산을 떠나면서 그 더운 날 정원에 있는 말발돌이를 가지치기 한다고 나쁜 자세로 무리를 했던 것이 3차 디스크를 불러왔나 봅니다. 굳어진 습관을 고친다는 것이 결코 쉬운 일은 아닐테지만 새로운 걸음을 내딛어봅니다.
When I landed at San Francisco International Airport after crossing the Pacific, my legs were in severe pain. It was so bad that I had to ask my wife to pick up my phone when I dropped it while standing in line for immigration clearance! Even after arriving here, just like my routine back in Dusan-ri, I open my eyes, have breakfast, and go for a walk. The only difference is that instead of Dondogol, here in San Ramon I walk through the Bishop Ranch Open Space. It is less than a ten-minute walk from our children's home—a serene county park offering a panoramic view of the San Ramon Valley and Mount Diablo. Though it has a gentle slope, the trail is wide and well-maintained, lined with oak groves and rolling grasslands where one can always listen to the cheerful songs of birds and occasionally spot grazing cattle.
Yet the problem was that not only was walking along that vast and refreshing trail painful, but even getting in and out of bed at home was agonizing, and taking mere steps indoors felt arduous. Of course, despite the pain, my daily walks did not stop from the very next day after our arrival, but deep in my heart, I kept wondering why my lower body was suddenly aching all over. Moreover, it progressively worsened. That was when it suddenly dawned on me that it might be a spinal disc issue. If so, this would be its third visit. The first episode occurred during my active pastoral ministry. At that time, for about six months, I had no choice but to preach sitting on a tall stool every Sunday. Whenever the congregation prayed fervently for my quick recovery so that I could preach standing up, my heart ached so deeply that I even contemplated an early retirement.
The second time happened in the first year of my retirement. Right after I retired at the end of the year, around early January, my eldest son in the United States called and urged me, asking why I was still staying in Ulsan and burdening the successor pastor instead of coming to America. So I flew to the States just as COVID-19 was breaking out in Korea. But as the virus flared up severely in the U.S., I had to return to Korea in early March. When I got home, the lawn in our yard was overgrown with weeds. For three or four days, I spent less than an hour or two each day pulling weeds, and the disc trouble struck for the second time. Following the doctor’s prescription, I walked on flat ground instead of hiking up inclined hills. Yet despite receiving medical treatments here and there, there was not the slightest improvement even after six months had passed. Around that time, I suddenly remembered my first bout, when I had simply walked mountain trails regardless. So instead of hard, paved paths, I began walking directly on mountain dirt paths, and within just one week, my condition began to improve.
This time, realizing that the disc issue had returned for a third round, instead of seeking medical consultations in the United States, I came across a new method for treating spinal discs. Among these, I learned the extension posture and began to correct my walking posture as well. Remarkably, in less than three days, through practicing several times a day, things began to shift little by little. This morning, I was able to walk pain-free, much faster, and with a wider stride. Now that I have started taking these new steps, an appetite for further change has welled up within me. Beyond correcting the stooped posture I have walked with for 77 years, I also want to change the way I eat—roughly chewing as if ‘fighting a battle’ against my food. Having already retired twice, with no remaining earthly ambition other than eventually being embraced in the arms of our Heavenly Father, what need is there to rush about in such a hurry? It seems that before leaving Ulsan, straining myself with poor posture while pruning the deutzia bushes in the garden on that scorching day brought on this third disc flare-up. Changing deeply entrenched habits will certainly not be easy, yet I am taking this new step forward.
Toe ek ná my reis oor die Stille Oseaan by die San Francisco-lughawe geland het, was my bene baie seer. Dit was so erg dat ek my vrou moes vra om my selfoon op te tel toe ek dit laat val het terwyl ons in die ry vir immigrasie gestaan het! Selfs ná ons aankoms hier, net soos in Dusan-ri, maak ek my oë oop, eet ontbyt en gaan stap. Die enigste verskil is dat ek hier in San Ramon nie in Dondogol stap nie, maar in die Bishop Ranch Open Space. Dit is skaars tien minute se stap van die kinders se huis af—'n rustige distrikspark met 'n panoramiese uitsig oor die San Ramon-vallei en Mount Diablo. Alhoewel daar 'n ligte helling is, is die paadjie breed en goed onderhou, omraam met eikebosse en sagte grasheuwels waar 'n mens altyd na die vrolike getjirp van voëls kan luister en soms beeste kan sien wei.
Die probleem was egter dat dit nie net pynlik was om in daardie wye en verfrissende buitelug te stap nie, maar selfs om by die huis in en uit die bed te klim was 'n worsteling, en om binnenshuis klein treetjies te gee was 'n beproewing. Natuurlik het my daaglikse stappie vanaf die heel eerste dag ná ons aankoms ondanks die pyn voortgeduur, maar diep in my gemoed het ek bly wonder waarom my onderlyf skielik so oral pyn. Boonop het dit algaande vererger. Toe flits die gedagte skielik by my op dat dit 'n tussenwerwelskyfprobleem (diskus) kon wees. As dit so is, is dit reeds die derde keer dat dit my besoek. Die eerste keer was tydens my aktiewe bedieningsjare. Destyds moes ek vir ongeveer ses maande lank elke Sondag op 'n hoë stoel sit om te preek. Elke keer wanneer die gemeentelede vurig gebid het dat ek vinnig sou herstel sodat ek staande kon preek, was my hartseer so diep dat ek selfs vroeë aftrede oorweeg het.
Die tweede keer was in my eerste jaar van aftrede. Net nadat ek aan die einde van die jaar afgetree het, iewers vroeg in Januarie, het my oudste seun in Amerika gebel en my vermaan: waarom bly ek nog in Ulsan om die opvolger-leraar te belas in plaas daarvan om Amerika toe te kom? Toe het ek na die VSA gereis net toe Covid-19 in Korea begin uitbreek het. Maar toe die pandemie in Amerika vererger, moes ek vroeg in Maart weer na Korea terugkeer. Toe ek by die huis kom, was die grasperk in die tuin vol onkruid. Vir drie of vier dae het ek daagliks minder as 'n uur of twee lank onkruid getrek, en die skyfprobleem het my vir die tweede keer getref. Volgens die dokter se voorskrif het ek op gelyk paaie gestap in plaas van teen heuwels op te klim. Tog, ten spyte van verskeie mediese behandelings, was daar na ses maande nog nie die minste verbetering nie. Rondom daardie tyd het ek skielik onthou van die eerste keer, toe ek sonder huiwering net bergpaadjies gestap het. Ek het toe dadelik die harde teerpaaie verruil vir bergpaadjies—grondpaadjies, om presies te wees—en binne slegs een week het my toestand begin verbeter.
Hierdie keer, toe ek besef dat die skyfprobleem vir 'n derde keer teruggekeer het, het ek, in plaas daarvan om mediese hulp in die VSA te soek, 'n nuwe behandelingsmetode teëgekom. Daardeur het ek die rugstrekhouding (ekstensie) aangeleer en ook my staphouding begin regstel. Merkwaardig genoeg, binne minder as drie dae en deur 'n paar oefensessies per dag, het dinge stelselmatig begin verander. Vanoggend kon ek sonder pyn, baie vinniger en met groter treë stap. Noudat ek hierdie nuwe treë begin gee het, het 'n begeerte na verdere verandering in my posgevat. Buiten die regruk van die vooroor geboë postuur waarmee ek al 77 jaar lank loop, wil ek ook die manier verander waarop ek eet—waar ek my kos net vinnig gekou het asof ek 'n 'geveg' voer. Ek het immers al twee keer afgetree, en die enigste doelwit wat my nog voorlê, is om eendag in die arms van my Hemelse Vader opgeneem te word; waarom sou ek my dan so haastig hoef te maak? Dit blyk dat die verkeerde postuur en ooreising toe ek op daardie snikhete dag voor my vertrek uit Ulsan die bruidsbosse in die tuin gesnoei het, hierdie derde skyfprobleem veroorsaak het. Om ingeroeste gewoontes te breek is beslis nie maklik nie, maar ek neem vandag 'n nuwe treë vorentoe.