언젠가 구역 모임에서 정직에 대해 공부하면서 한 사모님이 물었습니다. “사모님, 약간 오버하는 듯한 발언 있잖아요. 과장을 하는 것 같은 말, 말입니다. 그런 건 거짓말이 아닌가요?” 내 대답이 “사모님이나 나는 조금 지나치게 심각한 게 문제지요. 우리 남편들이 그 때의 느낌에 따라 다르게 말을 하거나 잊어먹고 정확한 말을 하지 않을 때 우리는 거짓말을 하는 것이 아닌가 의심을 하지요. 사람들에 따라서는 거짓말을 하는 것이 아니라 재미로, 아니면 느낌으로 하는 말들이 있으니까 좀 이해를 하도록 하지요.”
그러면서 얼마 전에 있었던 일을 들려주었습니다. 목사님 세 가정이 어딜 다녀오는 길이었습니다. 감포쯤 왔을 때 어스름한 저녁 시간 창밖의 경치가 일품이었습니다. 한 사모님이 기분이 업 되어서 운전하는 목사님을 보고 “아, 너무 좋다. 여긴 한 번 걸어야 하는데. 목사님 우리 모두 내려주세요. 울산까지 걸어가죠 뭐.”라고 하네요. 옆에 있던 남편이 나를 보고 “당신은 이럴 때, 현실성 없는 얘기를 또 하는구나 라고 속으로 생각하지?”라고 묻는 겁니다. 그래서 “그렇지요.”라고 인정을 했습니다. 실은 그 사모님과 우리 남편이 비슷한 유형이거든요. 남편이 또 “그런데 우리 유형은 이럴 때, ‘그럽시다. 너무 좋겠다.’라고 맞장구를 쳐야 되거든.”이라고 하네요. 정말 다르지요.
오버하는 발언에 대해 시비(?)를 건 사모님께 물어보았습니다. 사모님 같으면 어떤 생각을 했을까요? 했더니 “저는요, 일단 감포에서 울산까지 몇 km이며 걸으면 한 시간에 얼마를 걸을 것이고 그러니까 몇 시간이 걸릴 것인지 그래서 몇 시쯤 도착할 것인지를 생각하고, 그 분의 다리가 과연 그 일을 할 수 있을지 관찰을 할 것입니다.”라고 해서 얼마나 웃었는지 모릅니다. 그 말 끝에 다른 분이 이렇게 말했습니다. “저는 가만히 있겠습니다. 속으로는 ‘이 사람 말도 맞고 저 사람 말도 맞네 뭐.’라고 생각하겠지요.” 우리는 정말 다르답니다.
우리 모임 중에도 어린 아기들이 주위에서 돌아다니며 한 번씩 울음을 터뜨리기도 하고 깔깔대며 재미있게 놀기도 합니다. 가만히 보면 아기들도 서로 다양한 모습들이 드러나지요. 일일이 엄마에게 달려와 보고하는 아이가 있는가 하면 물어도 잘 대답하지 않는 녀석도 있고 걸핏하면 남의 일에 간섭하는 아이도 있고 늘 양보하는 아이도 있습니다. 언제나 명랑한 아이도 있지만 하루에도 몇 차례씩 삐치고 우는 아이도 있지요.
구역 모임을 마칠 때쯤 되어서 사모님 가운데 한 분이 친정엘 갔다 왔다며 상추를 가져와서 나누어 가라고 했지요. 비닐봉지를 가져와서 공평하게 나누어야 한다는 둥 얘기를 하다 말고 한 분이 말했습니다. “있잖아요, 이렇게 하면 어떨까요. 한 장씩 인원수대로 정확하게 나누는 겁니다. 그리고 서너 장이 남으면 가위바위보를 해서 이기는 사람이 가져가기 하면 재미있을 것 같은데요.” 재미있는 것을 좋아하는 그 분의 발상도 탁월했지만 그 얘기를 듣고 한 분이 무표정하게 한 말“그걸 뭐 할라고 가위바위보를 합니까? 차라리 가위로 잘라서 나누지요.”라고 하는 바람에 우리 모두는 폭소를 터뜨렸습니다. 결국은 갖고 가고 싶은 대로 대충 마음대로 가져갔지요.
몇 사람만 모여도 우리는 정말 다양합니다. 그래서 어떤 때는 서로 이해가 잘 안 되기도 합니다. 하지만 우리 모두가 완벽한 사람이 아니라면 서로가 달라야 서로 도와줄 수 있고 힘을 합해서 오히려 완벽한 모임, 큰 몸을 이루어 갈 수 있겠지요. 하나님께서 우리를 다 다르게 지으신 뜻을 알고 풍성하신 그 분의 뜻을 이루어 갈 수만 있다면 더욱 아름다운 모습이 되겠지요. 주님께서 원래 의도하셨던 그 모습 말입니다.
Once, during a district gathering where we were studying honesty, a pastor's wife asked: “Ma’am, what about statements that seem a little over the top? Remarks that sound like exaggerations—aren’t those essentially lies?” To this, I replied, “The trouble with people like you and me is that we tend to take things a bit too seriously. When our husbands speak according to the emotion of the moment or forget details and fail to recount things with exact precision, we suspect they might be lying. But some people speak that way not to deceive, but simply for fun, or to convey a feeling, so let’s try to be a bit more understanding.”
With that, I shared a story about something that happened not long ago. Three pastors' families were on their way back from an outing together. As we approached Gampo in the dimming twilight, the view outside the car window was breathtaking. Caught up in the joy of the moment, one pastor’s wife looked at the pastor driving and exclaimed, “Oh, this is wonderful! A place like this really needs to be walked. Pastor, please pull over and let us all out. Let’s just walk all the way back to Ulsan!” My husband, sitting beside me, looked over and asked, “Right now, in your heart, you’re thinking, ‘There she goes again with that completely unrealistic talk,’ aren't you?” I admitted, “Yes, I am.” Truth be told, that pastor's wife and my husband share very similar temperaments. My husband continued, “You see, people of our type feel the urge in moments like this to chime in enthusiastically and say, ‘Let’s do it! That would be fantastic!’” How remarkably different we are!
I then turned to the pastor's wife who had raised the question about exaggerations and asked, “What would you have thought in that situation?” She replied, “Well, first I would calculate how many kilometers it is from Gampo to Ulsan, figure out how fast someone can walk per hour, compute how many hours it would take, and estimate what time we'd arrive; then I would closely observe whether her legs could actually endure such a trek.” Her response had us all bursting into laughter. Right after that, another member chimed in: “As for me, I would just stay quiet and quietly think to myself, ‘Well, this person has a point, and that person has a point too.’” Indeed, we are all so different.
Even during our gatherings, little toddlers wander around us—sometimes breaking into tears, sometimes giggling and playing delightfully. When you watch them closely, you realize that even little babies exhibit so many diverse personalities. There is the child who runs to Mom to report every single detail, while another will barely answer when spoken to; there is one who constantly meddles in others' business, while another is always ready to yield. There are children who are cheerful all the time, and others who pout and cry multiple times a day.
Toward the end of our district meeting, one pastor’s wife mentioned that she had just visited her maiden home and brought back fresh lettuce for everyone to share. As we were bringing out plastic bags and talking about dividing it equally, one person suggested: “You know what? How about this: let’s divide the leaves precisely one by one according to the number of people. If there are three or four leaves left over, we can play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever wins takes them—wouldn't that be fun?” Her playful idea was delightfully creative, but upon hearing it, another person remarked with a completely straight face, “Why on earth would we play rock-paper-scissors for that? We might as well just cut the remaining leaves in half with scissors and divide them.” At that, all of us erupted into roars of laughter. In the end, everyone simply took as much as they felt like taking.
Even when just a few people gather, we are extraordinarily diverse. For that reason, there are times when we struggle to understand one another. Yet, since none of us is perfect on our own, it is precisely our differences that allow us to help one another, unite our strengths, and build a more complete fellowship—a grand, harmonious body. If we can recognize God's purposeful design in creating us all so differently and thereby fulfill His abundant will, how much more beautiful we will become—growing into the very design our Lord originally intended.
Eendag, tydens 'n wykbyeenkoms waar ons oor eerlikheid gesels het, het 'n predikantsvrou gevra: “Mevrou, wat van daardie uitsprake wat effens oordryf klink? Woorde wat soos oordrywing voel—is dit nie eintlik leuens nie?” My antwoord was: “Die probleem met mense soos ek en jy is dat ons dinge dalk net 'n bietjie te ernstig opneem. Wanneer ons mans volgens die oomblik se gevoel praat of besonderhede vergeet en dinge nie heeltemal akkuraat weergee nie, vermoed ons dadelik dat hulle lieg. Maar party mense praat nie om te bedrieg nie, maar bloot vir die grap, of om 'n gevoel oor te dra; laat ons dus probeer om 'n bietjie meer begrip te toon.”
Daarop het ek 'n staaltjie vertel van iets wat kort van tevore gebeur het. Drie predikantsgesinne was saam op pad terug van 'n uitstappie. Toe ons naby Gampo kom, was die natuurskoon buite die venster in die skemering asemrowend. Een predikantsvrou het in die stemming gekom en vir die predikant agter die stuur gesê: “Ag, dis so wonderlik! 'n Mens behoort hier te stap. Dominee, laai ons almal asseblief af. Kom ons stap sommer die hele pad tot in Ulsan.” My man, wat langs my gesit het, het na my gekyk en gevra: “Op so 'n oomblik dink jy seker by jouself: ‘Daar sit sy alweer en praat heeltemal onrealistiese dinge,’ nè?” Ek het erken: “Ja, inderdaad.” Om die waarheid te sê, daardie predikantsvrou en my man het baie dieselfde tipe geaardheid. My man het toe bygevoeg: “Maar mense van ons geaardheid voel juis in so 'n oomblik die behoefte om entoesiasties saam te stem en te sê: ‘Kom ons doen dit! Dit sal fantasties wees!’” Ons verskil werklik so baie van mekaar!
Ek het toe die predikantsvrou wat die vraag oor oordrywing geopper het, gevra: “Wat sou jý in so 'n situasie gedink het?” Sy antwoord toe: “Wel, ek sou eers bereken hoeveel kilometer dit van Gampo na Ulsan is, hoeveel kilometer 'n mens per uur kan stap, hoeveel uur dit dus sou neem en hoe laat ons daar sou aankom; en dan sou ek haar bene stip dophou om te sien of hulle werklik tot so 'n tog in staat is.” Ons het ons boeglam gelag vir haar antwoord. Net daarna het iemand anders gesê: “Ek sou bloot stilgebly het en by myself gedink het: ‘Dié een het 'n punt, en daardie een het ook 'n punt.’” Ons verskil werklik hemelsbreed van mekaar.
Selfs tydens ons byeenkomste skarrel die klein treetjies rond—somtyds bars hulle in trane uit, en dan weer skater hulle van die lag terwyl hulle heerlik speel. As 'n mens mooi oplet, sien jy dat selfs die kleinspan reeds sulke uiteenlopende geaardhede openbaar. Daar is die kind wat vir elke liewe dingetjie na Mamma toe hardloop om verslag te doen, terwyl 'n ander skaars antwoord as jy iets vra; daar is een wat gedurig met ander se sake inmeng, en 'n ander wat altyd bereid is om toe te gee. Sommige kinders is altyd vrolik, terwyl ander meermale op 'n dag pruil en huil.
Teen die einde van ons byeenkoms het een van die predikantsvroue genoem dat sy by haar ouerhuis gaan kuier het en vars blaarslaai saamgebring het sodat almal kon deel. Terwyl plastieksakke te voorskyn gebring is en ons bespreek het hoe om dit gelykop te verdeel, het een gesê: “Weet julle wat, wat daarvan as ons dit só doen: kom ons deel die blare presies stuk vir stuk volgens die aantal mense uit. En as daar drie of vier blare oorbly, speel ons klip-skêr-papier, en wie wen, kry dit—dit sal mos pret wees!” Haar speelse voorstel was uiters skeppend, maar toe sy dit hoor, sê 'n ander vrou doodluiters met 'n strak gesig: “Waarom sal 'n mens nou klip-skêr-papier daaroor speel? Knip dit liewer met 'n skêr middeldeur en deel dit so uit.” Ons almal het uitgebars van die lag. Op die ou end het elkeen maar sommer na willekeur geneem soos hulle wou.
Selfs wanneer net 'n paar mense bymekaarkom, is ons merkwaardig uiteenlopend. Daarom gebeur dit soms dat ons mekaar nie dadelik verstaan nie. Maar aangesien nie een van ons volmaak is nie, is dit juis ons verskille wat ons in staat stel om mekaar te help, ons kragte saam te snoer en 'n meer volmaakte gemeenskap—een groot liggaam—te bou. As ons God se wyse doel kan insien waarmee Hy ons almal so verskillend geskape het, en Sy ryke wil kan uitleef, sal ons gemeenskap des te mooier wees—presies soos die Here dit van die begin af bedoel het.