울산교회 소식에 한 번 씩 올라오는 유아세례 부모교육에 대한 광고가 있습니다.말하자면 유아세례를 받기 원하는 분들은 두 주간 토요일에 네 시간의 교육을 받아야 한다는 것입니다. 부모 중 한 사람이라도 세례를 받았으면 신청할 수 있습니다. 간단히 문답만 하지 않는 것은 그만큼 중요한 일이라는 것이지요. ‘교육’이라는 말이 좀 그렇긴 하지만 이런 중요한 일을 위해 네시간 만이라도 함께 생각해보고 다짐해보는 것이니 필요한 일이라는 생각도 합니다. 둘째 아기 때부터는 자녀양육에 관한 책을 읽고 독후감을 써 내는 것으로 교육을 대신하고 있습니다. 아기 키우랴 바쁜 일정에도 불구하고 열심히 참석하셔서 참 예쁘기도 합니다.
목사님과 전도사님 그리고 저도 한 시간 강의를 맡고 있습니다. 늘 하는 강의지만 참석자들에 따라 여러 가지 반응을 보이기도 하지요. 지난 토요일에는 재미있는 분들이 계셨습니다. 우리 아들들 키운 얘기를 하면서 큰아이 대학교 일 학년때 크게 다칠 뻔한 이야기를 하고 있는데 한 분이 그러시는 겁니다. “아니, 대학생인데도 걱정 끼칠 일이 있나 봐요? 갓난아기 키우기 힘들어서 언제쯤 걷기도 하고 유치원에 가서 일이 좀 수월해지려나 했는데 말입니다.”
“그러게요, 아이구 말도 마십시오. 뱃속에 있을 때가 그래도 낫지, 아기 키우기 장난이 아니지요. 먹는 것도 제대로 챙겨 먹을 수가 있나, 잠을 제대로 잘 수가 있나, 어디 마음대로 갈 수가 있나 말이지요. 근데 좀 크면 한시름 덜 것 같아도, 학교가면 가는대로 공부 잘 해서 좋은 대학도 가야지요. 그러고 나면 취직도 해야지요. 또 결혼도 해야지요. 아기도 낳아야지요. 오죽했으면 무자식 상팔자라고 사람들이 그랬을까요? 나 같은 염려분과 위원장이 아니라도 걱정하려면 끝이 없다니까요. 그냥 하나님께 맡기는 수 밖에요. 물론 부모로서 말씀으로 잘 양육해야겠지요. 그렇게 신앙으로 잘 키우겠다는 서약을 하고서야 유아세례를 받을 수 있지 않습니까?”
어린 아기 키우는 분들이 비슷한 말씀을 하십니다. “나도 언제 아기 다 키우고, 하고 싶은 일도 하고, 가고 싶은 데도 마음대로 가고···.” 그러면 제가 그러지요. 아이들이 다리에 걸리적거릴 때가 제일 좋은 때라고. 지나보면 힘들었지만 하루 종일 시간을 함께 보내며 온 마음과 정성을 다해 사랑 할 수 있을 뿐 아니라 가장 많은 영향을 주고받을 수 있는 때가 아닌가 말입니다.
정말 자녀양육은 부모의 인격 훈련이고 영성 훈련입니다. 자녀 때문에 하나님께 나아가지 않을 수 없고 기도하지 않을 수 없으니까 말입니다. 하지만 그 자녀로 인해서 얼마나 감사한지 모르겠습니다. 하나님께서는 당신의 자녀인 이 아기를 위하여 지구를 한 바퀴 다 돌아서 부모로 선택하시고, 이 땅에 사는 날 동안 도와주고, 서로 사랑하라고 태의 열매를 여시고 우리에게 보내주셨습니다. 그래서 우리는 하나님의 사랑이 어떠한 것인지 어렴풋이나마 맛보게 되었지요.
엊그저께 다녀간 아들이 한다는 말이 “예전에는 엄마 아빠가 왜 그렇게 서로 맛있는 거 먹으라고 하는지 몰랐는데 이제야 알 것 같네요. 나를 어떻게 사랑하고 키우셨는지도 좀 알 것 같고 말입니다.”라고 합니다. 그렇지요. 부모의 사랑도 자신이 부모가 되어봐야 알 것 같고 하나님의 사랑도 자신이 조건 없는 사랑을 해봐야 알 것 같습니다.
강의를 마치면서 제가 그랬습니다. “아들들이 다 사십이 넘었으니 이젠 내 손을 떠난 것 같고 작년에 어머님을 천국에 보내드리면서 부모님들도 모두 다 이 땅에는 안 계시고, 이제는 내 차례가 되었으니 빨리 천국 가도 좋겠다.”했더니 한 분이 한숨을쉬면서 “사십 년이나 기다려야 된다고요?”라고 합니다. “아니요. 내가 천국 간다고 했더니 남편이 안된다는데요. 아직 제 손이 필요하다고 말입니다. 집안에 뭐가 어디있는지 하나도 모르는데, 어떻게 하는 건지도 모르고 말이지요. 자기가 먼저 천국 가고 나면 나더러 가도 좋다고 하시네요.” 그나저나 하나님 마음이지요. 제가 가고 싶다고 가는 것도 아니지요. 하나님께서 이 땅에 허락하시는 날까지는 서로 사랑해야 할 사람들이 남아있으니 얼마나 감사한 일인지요.
From time to time, an announcement appears in the Ulsan Church newsletter regarding parental classes for infant baptism. In short, parents who wish to have their babies baptized are required to complete four hours of instruction over two Saturdays. Any family where at least one parent is already baptized can register. The reason we do not settle for a simple questionnaire is because infant baptism is truly that important. While the term "education" or "instruction" might sound a bit formal, taking even four hours together to reflect and make renewed commitments for such a sacred milestone is deeply necessary. From the second child onward, reading a book on Christian parenting and submitting a book report takes the place of the classes. Seeing young parents attend so faithfully despite their exhausting parenting schedules is truly lovely.
The pastor, the ministry staff, and I each lead an hour of the teaching. Though it is a lecture I have given many times, the reactions vary depending on who attends. Last Saturday, we had quite an engaging group. As I was sharing stories from raising our own sons—specifically about the time our eldest had a near-fatal accident during his freshman year of college—one parent piped up: "Goodness, do we still have to worry about them even when they're in college? Here I was, struggling through the newborn phase, just waiting for my baby to walk and go to preschool so life would get a bit easier!"
"Indeed, you have no idea! Honestly, it's easiest while they're still in the womb; raising a child is no walk in the park. You can't eat properly, you can't sleep peacefully, and you can't go anywhere freely. And just when you think you might breathe a sigh of relief as they grow older, they start school—and then you worry about them studying hard to get into a good university. After that, they need to find a job. Then they need to get married. Then they have children of their own. No wonder people coined the old saying, 'Better off childless!' Even if you aren't an anxious overthinker like me, the worries are truly endless. Ultimately, all we can do is entrust them into God's hands. Of course, as parents, we must nurture them diligently with His Word. After all, it is only after making a solemn covenant to raise them in faith that we receive infant baptism, isn't it?"
Parents raising little babies often voice the same wish: "When will I ever finish raising this child, so I can finally do what I want and go wherever I please...?" When they do, I tell them this: the time when your children are clinging to your legs is actually the very best season of life. Looking back, though it was exhausting, was there ever another time when you could spend the entire day together, love them with all your heart and devotion, and share such profound influence with one another?
Raising children is truly a training ground for a parent's character and spiritual life. Because of our children, we cannot help but come before God; we cannot help but pray. Yet, through these very children, we experience overwhelming gratitude. For the sake of this precious little soul—who belongs first to Him—God traveled the entire globe to choose us as parents, and granted us the fruit of the womb so that we might help and love one another during our days on this earth. Through this journey, we come to taste, even if faintly, what the vast love of God is truly like.
Just the other day, our visiting son remarked, "Mom, in the past I never understood why you and Dad were always passing the delicious food to each other, but now that I have my own child, I think I finally get it. I can also begin to see how deeply you loved and raised me." Indeed. It seems one can only truly understand a parent's love after becoming a parent oneself, just as one only begins to grasp God's love after attempting to love someone unconditionally.
As I closed the class, I said with a smile, "My sons are now past forty, so they are well out of my hands. With my mother entering heaven last year, both our parents have departed this earth. Now it's my turn, so I wouldn't mind going home to heaven soon." At that, one young parent let out a deep sigh: "Do you mean to say I have to wait another forty years?" I laughed and replied, "Well, no. Whenever I mention going to heaven, my husband insists, 'Not yet!' He says he still needs my help. He doesn't know where a single thing is kept in the house, let alone how to manage it. He told me I can only go after he goes first!" In any case, it is all up to God. We do not go simply because we wish to go. How grateful I am that, for all the days God grants us on this earth, there are still beloved people remaining whom we are called to love.
Van tyd tot tyd verskyn daar 'n aankondiging in die nuusbrief van Ulsan Gemeente oor die oueropleiding vir kinderdoop. Kortliks kom dit daarop neer dat ouers wat hul babas wil laat doop, vier uur se onderrig oor twee Saterdae moet bywoon. Enige gesin waar ten minste een ouer reeds gedoop is, kan aansoek doen. Dat ons nie net met 'n kort vraelys volstaan nie, beklemtoon hoe belangrik hierdie saak werklik is. Al klink die woord "onderrig" dalk effens formeel, is dit broodnodig om ten minste vier uur lank saam te besin en 'n hernude toewyding te maak vir so 'n gewigtige stap. Vanaf die tweede kind word die klasse vervang deur die lees van 'n boek oor Christelike kinderopvoeding en die inhandiging van 'n boekverslag. Dit is waarlik hartverblydend om te sien hoe getrou die jong ouers opdaag, ten spyte van hul besige en veeleisende dae saam met klein babatjies.
Die leraar, die evangelis en ek behartig elkeen 'n uur van die lesing. Hoewel dit 'n lesing is wat ek al dikwels aangebied het, verskil die reaksies na gelang van die toehoorders. Verlede Saterdag was daar 'n paar baie interessante mense. Terwyl ek vertel het van ons eie seuns se grootwordjare—spesifiek oor die keer toe ons oudste seun in sy eerste universiteitsjaar byna 'n noodlottige besering opgedoen het—het een van die ouers uitgeroep: "Wat? Het 'n mens selfs nog sorge as hulle al universiteitstudente is? En hier het ek gedink dat dinge makliker sou word sodra die baba begin loop en kleuterskool toe gaan!"
"Beslis, moenie eers praat nie! Om die waarheid te sê, is dit die maklikste terwyl hulle nog in die moederskoot is; om 'n kind groot te maak, is geen kinderspeletjies nie. 'n Mens kan nie behoorlik eet nie, nie behoorlik slaap nie, en nêrens vrylik heengaan nie. En net wanneer jy dink jy kan 'n sug van verligting slaan soos hulle ouer word, begin die skool—en dan moet hulle hard leer om by 'n goeie universiteit in te kom. Daarna moet hulle werk kry. Dan moet hulle trou. En dan self kinders kry. Geen wonder mense het altyd gesê: 'Beter daaraan toe sonder kinders' nie! Selfs al is jy nie soos ek 'n voorsitter van die bekommerniskomitee nie, is daar geen einde aan die sorge nie. Uiteindelik bly daar niks anders oor as om hulle in God se hande oor te gee nie. Natuurlik moet ons as ouers hulle getrou in die Woord onderrig. 'n Mens kan immers eers jou kind laat doop nadat jy die plegtige gelofte afgelê het om hulle in die geloof groot te maak, nie waar nie?"
Ouers van klein babatjies sê dikwels presies dieselfde: "Wanneer sal my kind tog groot wees, sodat ek kan doen wat ek wil en gaan waarheen ek wil...?" Dan sê ek vir hulle: juis die tyd wanneer jou kleintjies aan jou bene vasklou, is die heel kosbaarste seisoen van jou lewe. As 'n mens terugkyk—hoe swaar dit ook al was—is daar ooit 'n ander tyd wanneer jy heeldag saam kan wees, hulle met jou hele hart en siel kan liefhê, en die diepste invloed op mekaar kan uitoefen?
Om kinders groot te maak, is waarlik 'n vorming van 'n ouer se karakter en 'n oefening in geestelikheid. Juis vanweë ons kinders kan ons nie anders as om ons tot God te wend en te bid nie. Tog kan woorde nie beskryf hoe dankbaar ons vir daardie kinders is nie. Ter wille van hierdie kosbare kind, wat immers aan Hom behoort, het God die hele aarde omreis om ons as ouers te kies; Hy het die vrug van die moederskoot geopen en hulle aan ons toevertrou om mekaar te help en lief te hê solank as wat ons op hierdie aarde leef. Deur hierdie reis het ons, al is dit nog flou, leer proe hoe grensloos God se liefde werklik is.
Nou die dag het ons seun wat kom kuier het, gesê: "In die verlede het ek nooit verstaan waarom Pa en Ma altyd vir mekaar die lekker kos wou aangee nie, maar noudat ek self 'n pa is, begin ek dit verstaan. Ek begin ook begryp hoe innig julle my liefgehad en grootgemaak het." Dit is waar. 'n Mens verstaan blykbaar eers 'n ouer se liefde wanneer jy self 'n ouer word, net soos 'n mens God se liefde eers werklik begin begryp wanneer jy self leer om iemand onvoorwaardelik lief te hê.
Toe ek die lesing afsluit, het ek met 'n glimlag gesê: "My seuns is albei reeds oor die veertig, so hulle is lankal uit my hande. Noudat my moeder verlede jaar hemel toe is, is geeneen van ons ouers meer op hierdie aarde nie. Noudat dit my beurt is, sou ek nie omgee om sommer gou hemel toe te gaan nie." Daarop sug een van die jong ouers diep: "Moet ek werklik nog veertig jaar wag?" Ek het gelag en gesê: "Nee wat. Toe ek noem dat ek hemel toe wil gaan, het my man dadelik gesê: 'O nee, nog nie!' Hy sê hy het my hulp nog nodig. Hy weet nie waar 'n enkele ding in die huis gehou word nie, wat nog te sê hoe om dit te hanteer. Hy sê ek mag eers gaan nadat hy eerste hemel toe is!" Nietemin lê alles in God se hande. 'n Mens gaan immers nie hemel toe net omdat jy self wil nie. Hoe dankbaar is ons nie dat daar, vir al die dae wat God ons op hierdie aarde gun, nog mense oor is wat ons van harte mag liefhê.