선교사님이 며칠 다녀가셨습니다.건강이 좋지 않으신 분이라 특별 관리가 필요하기도 해서 여간 신경이 쓰이는 일이 아니었습니다. 음식에 소금도 쓰면 안 되고 칼륨이 많은 음식도 피해야 해서 야채나 과일도 두 시간 이상 물에 담갔다 드셔야 하니까요. 하지만 남편의 친한 친구 분이기도 하고 워낙에 복음을 위해 힘을 다해 수고하시는 분이어서 잘 섬길 수 있기를 바랐습니다. 다녀가신 후 바로 병원에서 검진을 하게 되셨는데, 건강이 많이 좋아지셨다고 연락을 해 오셔서 참 감사했습니다. 며칠 계시다 보니 이런 저런 얘기를 나누게 되었습니다. 그러면서 며칠 동안 참 마음이 짠했습니다.
삼십 년 전쯤에 어린 아이들 넷을 두고 사모님이 천국에 먼저 가셨습니다. 사십대에 혼자된 남자분이 자녀를 키우고 사역을 하려면 물론 재혼을 하셨어야 했지요. 그리고 아들 둘을 더 얻게 되었습니다. 그런 삶을 살아내다 보면 누구도 잘 못하지 않았지만 힘든 날들을 보내었을 것이 뻔합니다. 물론 하나님을 신뢰하며 기도하는 분들이라 잘 감당하셨고, 지금은 자녀들도 신앙 안에서 잘 자라 네 아이들은 다 결혼을 하고 각자 일터에서, 교회에서 잘 섬기며 살고 있습니다.
주위를 둘러보면 그런 어쩔 수 없는 안타까운 환경에 처한 분들이 참 많습니다. 그런 환경을 원한 사람이 어디 있겠습니까? 젊은 날 남편이 세상을 떠나버리고 자녀들과 살아간다는 것은 참으로 힘든 일임에 틀림없습니다. 그 남편이 혹은 그 아내가 계속 살아계셨다면 얼마나 좋았을까 그렇다면 그렇게 힘든 삶을 살지 않아도 되었을 텐데… 그럴 때 하나님은 어떤 마음이실까… 남편과 운동 삼아 뒷산을 오르면서 조금은 무거운 이야기를 꺼냈습니다. “물론 우리의 죄 때문에 인생이 워낙에 그런 것이지만 왜 남편이, 아내가 그렇게 일찍 세상을 떠났을까요? 그러지 않았다면 훨씬 행복한 삶을 살았을 텐데 말입니다.”
남편이 혼잣말처럼 대답을 합니다. “글쎄, 지금은 우리가 그 뜻을 다 알 수가 없겠지. 하지만 행복이 우리 삶의 목표가 아닌 것은 확실하지요.” “아! 맞네요. 그러네요. 행복이 우리 삶의 목표가 아니네요.” 잘 생각해보면 맞는 말인데도 평소에는 꼭 행복이 우리 삶의 목표인 것처럼 생각하고 살았던 것 같습니다. 그러고 보니 이 글도 ‘행복칼럼’이라고 분류되어 있네요. 물론 신앙인으로서 재물이나 명예나 권력을 추구하지는 않겠지만, 또 재물, 권력, 명예를 가진다고 행복해지는 것이라고 생각하는 것도 아니지만, 그냥 내가 신앙인으로 열심히 살고 있으니까 우리 인생이 자동적으로 행복해질 것이라고 생각하는 막연한 생각 자체가 다분히 세속적이라는 것입니다.
젊은 날, 아무 의미 없는 인생살이가 싫어서 끙끙대다가 하나님을 만나고 삶의 가치와 의미를 발견하고는 지금껏 은혜로 살아왔습니다. 하지만 하나님의 사랑을 알고 그분의 뜻에 순종하는 삶을 살아가겠다고 하면서, 결국 우리 자신의 행복이 최고의 핵심가치인 것처럼 착각하고 살아가는 게 아닌가라는 생각이 들었습니다. 작년 가을 어머님을 천국에 보내드리면서 정말 ‘인생은 그림자와 같구나.’라고 생각했는데 만약 하나님을 기쁘시게 하는 삶, 하나님께 영광을 돌리는 삶이 아니라면 그야말로 인생은 아무 것도 없는, 아무 의미가 없는 것이라는 생각이 더더욱 들었습니다.
물론, 살면서 이웃을 돕기도 하고 다른 사람을 배려하기도 하지만, 결국은 자신의 보람과 의미와 행복을 추구하는 것이라면 무슨 의미가 있을까요? 요즈음처럼 잘 먹고 잘 입고 편안하게 사는 것이 오로지 인생의 목표라면 말입니다. 여기서, 이 세상에 사는 날 동안, 잠깐 동안 내 인생 행복하면 되는 걸로, 결국 나만의 안위를 추구하다가 떠나게 된다면 그것이 무슨 의미가 있을까요? 그러면서 “네 마음을 다하고 목숨을 다하고 뜻을 다하여 주 너의 하나님을 사랑하라… 네 이웃을 네 자신 같이 사랑하라.”고 하신 주님의 계명은 대충 내 마음대로 지키는 둥 마는 둥 살면서도 그럭저럭 만족하며 살고 있지는 않은지 자신을 돌아보는 아침이었습니다. 새삼 내가 살아가는 가치와 목표가 무엇인지를 다시 생각할 수 있어서, 새로운 깨우침을 준 남편에게 감사드렸습니다.
A missionary visited our home for a few days. As he was in poor health and required special care, hosting him called for careful attention. He was not permitted to eat salt and had to avoid foods high in potassium, which meant that even vegetables and fruits had to be soaked in water for over two hours before he could eat them. Yet, he is a dear friend of my husband and someone who pours out his whole life for the gospel, so we genuinely wanted to serve him well. Right after his visit, he had a medical checkup at the hospital and called to let us know that his health had significantly improved, for which we were deeply grateful. Having him with us for several days led to heartfelt conversations, which also left a lingering ache in my heart.
About thirty years ago, his wife departed for heaven, leaving behind four young children. For a man in his forties to raise his children while carrying on ministry, remarrying was, of course, necessary. God later blessed him with two more sons. Living through such circumstances, even when no one is at fault, must undoubtedly have involved many painful days. Naturally, trusting in God and being people of prayer, they bore the burdens faithfully. Now, their children have grown up well in faith; four of them are married and are serving faithfully in their respective workplaces and churches.
Looking around, there are so many people placed in unavoidable, heartbreaking situations. Who would ever choose such circumstances? Losing a spouse at a young age and raising children alone is undeniably an immense hardship. If only that husband or wife were still alive, how wonderful it would be—they would not have had to endure such a painful journey... I wondered how God feels in those moments. As my husband and I climbed the hill behind our house for exercise, I brought up this somewhat heavy topic: “Of course, because of our sins, life in this fallen world is inherently painful, but why did a husband or wife have to leave this world so early? If only they hadn't, they could have lived a much happier life.”
My husband replied almost as if murmuring to himself: “Well, we cannot know all of His plans right now. But one thing is certain: happiness is not the goal of our lives.” “Ah, that is so true. Indeed, happiness is not the purpose of our life.” Upon reflection, it was completely true, yet in everyday life, I seemed to have lived as though happiness was indeed our ultimate goal. Come to think of it, even this article is categorized under the 'Happiness Column.' As believers, of course we do not chase after wealth, fame, or power, nor do we believe that possessing them brings true happiness. Yet, the vague assumption that our lives will automatically be happy simply because we are striving to live faithfully as Christians is itself thoroughly worldly.
In my youth, weary and struggling with the meaninglessness of life, I met God, discovered the true value and purpose of living, and have walked by grace ever since. Yet, while confessing that I know God's love and intend to live in obedience to His will, I wonder if I have fallen into the illusion that our own happiness remains the highest core value. Last autumn, after seeing my mother off to heaven, the thought that ‘life is truly like a passing shadow’ deeply struck me. If our lives are not lived to please God and bring Him glory, then life is genuinely empty, devoid of any real meaning.
Of course, we may help our neighbors and show kindness to others throughout life, but if the underlying motive is merely to attain personal fulfillment, meaning, and happiness, what true value does it hold? Especially if eating well, dressing well, and living comfortably—as so many pursue today—were the sole objectives of life. If all that matters is being happy for the brief span of our days on this earth, pursuing only our own comfort before departing, what purpose would that serve? This morning, I found myself examining my heart, wondering whether I have been casually keeping or neglecting the Lord’s commandment—"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind... Love your neighbor as yourself"—while still living in complacency. I was grateful to my husband for giving me this fresh insight, allowing me to pause and reflect anew on the true value and goal of my life.
'n Sendeling het 'n paar dae by ons tuisgegaan. Aangesien sy gesondheid baie broos is en hy spesiale sorg nodig het, het dit heelwat fyn omsigtigheid van ons gevra. Hy mag geen sout gebruik nie en moet kaliumryke kosse vermy; selfs groente en vrugte moet eers meer as twee uur lank in water geweek word voordat hy dit kan eet. Tog is hy 'n hegte vriend van my man en iemand wat hom met hart en siel vir die evangelie beywer, en daarom wou ons hom van harte bedien. Kort ná sy besoek het hy vir 'n ondersoek hospitaal toe gegaan en ons laat weet dat sy gesondheid merkbaar verbeter het, waaroor ons innig dankbaar was. Gedurende die dae saam het ons oor baie dinge gesels, en my hart was telkens diep geraak.
Sowat dertig jaar gelede is sy eggenote na die hemel opgeneem en het sy hom met vier klein kindertjies agtergelaat. Vir 'n man in sy veertigs wat kinders moes grootmaak en steeds in die bediening moes staan, was 'n herhuwelik natuurlik noodsaaklik. Die Here het hom later met nog twee seuns geseën. Wanneer 'n mens deur sulke omstandighede moet leef—waar niemand iets verkeerd gedoen het nie—kan 'n mens jou net indink hoeveel swaar dae daar moes wees. Omdat hulle op die Here vertrou en biddende mense is, het hulle dit natuurlik dapper gedra. Vandag het die kinders almal mooi in die geloof opgegroei; vier van hulle is reeds getroud en dien getrou in hul onderskeie werke en gemeentes.
As 'n mens om jou kyk, is daar soveel mense in sulke onafwendbare, hartverskeurende omstandighede. Wie sou immers ooit so 'n pad vir homself kies? Om jou huweliksmaat op 'n jong ouderdom aan die dood af te staan en die kinders alleen groot te maak, is ongetwyfeld 'n baie swaar las. As daardie man of vrou maar net nog gelewe het, hoe wonderlik sou dit nie gewees het nie—dan sou hulle nie so 'n moeisame lewe hoef te gely het nie... Ek het gewonder hoe God in sulke tye voel. Terwyl ek en my man teen die heuwel agter ons huis opgestap het vir oefening, het ek hierdie ietwat swaar tema aangeraak: “Natuurlik is die lewe weens ons sonde inherent vol lyding, maar waarom moes 'n man of vrou dan so vroeg sterf? As dit nie gebeur het nie, sou hulle lewe tog soveel gelukkiger gewees het.”
My man het byna soos in 'n alleenspraak geantwoord: “Nou ja, ons kan op die oomblik nie al Sy bedoelings begryp nie. Maar een ding is seker: geluk is nie die doel van ons lewe nie.” “A, dis waar! Dit is inderdaad so. Geluk is nie ons lewensdoel nie.” As 'n mens mooi daaroor nadink, is dit heeltemal waar, en tog het ek dikwels geleef asof geluk wel ons uiteindelike lewensdoelwit is. As ek daaraan dink, is selfs hierdie stuk as 'n ‘Gelukskolom’ geklassifiseer. As gelowiges jaag ons natuurlik nie rykdom, roem of mag na nie, en ons glo ook nie dat besittings 'n mens waarlik gelukkig maak nie. Tog is die vae aanname dat ons lewe vanselfsprekend gelukkig sal wees net omdat ons as Christene getrou probeer lewe, op sigself baie wêrelds.
In my jong dae, toe ek geworstel het met 'n sinlose bestaan en daaronder gely het, het ek God ontmoet, die ware waarde en betekenis van die lewe ontdek, en tot vandag toe uit genade geleef. Maar terwyl ons bely dat ons God se liefde ken en in gehoorsaamheid aan Sy wil wil lewe, wonder ek of ons nie tog die illusie koester dat ons eie geluk die allerbelangrikste kernwaarde is nie. Toe ons verlede herfs my moeder hemel toe gestuur het, het die gedagte my diep getref dat ‘die lewe waarlik soos 'n skaduwee verbygaan.’ As ons nie lewe om God te behaag en Hom te verheerlik nie, is die lewe werklik leeg en sonder enige sin.
Natuurlik kan 'n mens jou naaste help en ander met deernis behandel, maar as dit ten diepste net gaan om jou eie vervulling, betekenis en geluk na te jaag, wat baat dit dan? Veral as 'n goeie lewe, mooi klere en aardse gemak—soos baie vandag najaag—die enigste doelwit van die lewe sou wees. As alles net daaroor gaan om vir 'n kort wyle hier op aarde gelukkig te wees en bloot jou eie gerief na te jaag voordat jy heengaan, wat is die betekenis daarvan? Vanoggend het ek opnuut in my eie hart gekyk en gewonder of ek nie die Here se gebod—"Jy moet die Here jou God liefhê met jou hele hart en met jou hele siel en met jou hele verstand... en jou naaste soos jouself"—maar halfhartig onderhou en tog maar tevrede voortleef nie. Ek was my man dankbaar vir hierdie nuwe insig, wat my laat stilhou het om opnuut na te dink oor wat die ware waarde en doel van my lewe is.