새해 첫날이라고 행아웃으로 큰아들 식구들과 화상 통화를 했습니다.식구들이 돌아가며 새해 인사를 하느라고 꽤 바빴지만 행복했지요. 우리가 서로 바쁘다보니 통화를 그리 자주 하는 편은 아니지만 특별한 날이면 핸드폰으로, 그것도 무료로 얼굴을 볼 수 있으니 참 좋은 세상입니다. 전화를 끊고 나서 아이들 얘기를 하다 보니 언젠가 아들이 했던 이야기가 생각났습니다.
뭔 일로 마음이 좀 상했던 며느리가 대뜸 “좋은 부모 밑에서 자란 당신이 내 속을 어떻게 알겠어요?”라고 내뱉은 말에 대답할 말이 없었던 아들 말이 “뭐! 좋은 부모 밑에서 자란 게 죄인가?”라고 했다네요. 일단 아이들이 우리더러 좋은 부모라고 해줘서 마음이 흐뭇했습니다. 다음 순간 ‘좋은 부모? 그런가?’라는 생각을 뒤따라 하게 되었지요. 아이들이 자랄 때 별로 해 준 게 없다는 생각이 들었기 때문입니다. 그동안 우리는 가난한 유학생 가정이었고 고국에 돌아와서도 10년 가까이 개척교회 목사 가정이었기 때문입니다.
우리 아이들은 그 흔한 태권도나 피아노 학원이라든지 영수 학원 한 번 가본 적이 없었습니다. 새 옷을 사서 입힌 적도 별로 없었던 것 같습니다. 헌 옷을 얻어 입든지 아니면 수련회에서 얻어 입은 티셔츠들이 대부분이었습니다. 그럼에도 불구하고 별로 불평하지 않고 밝게 자라준 것이 고마울 따름입니다. 물론 좋으신 하나님의 은혜임은 말할 것도 없지요.
부모인 우리 두 사람은 항상 그랬듯이 바쁘기도 했지만 뭘 꼭 해줘야 한다고 생각하지도 않았던 것 같습니다. 그냥 함께 한 집에서 밥 먹고 한 교회 공동체에서 성도들과 함께 예배하고 말씀을 나누며 사는 것 말고는 말입니다. 그래서 언젠가 저희 집을 방문한 목사님 한 분이 왜 그렇게 아이들을 내버려두냐고, 좀더 좋은 기회와 장을 마련해주고 더 나은 교육을 받도록 도와주지 않냐고, 거의 나무라는 어투로 말씀하신 적도 있었습니다.
뿐만 아니라 둘째의 중학교 3학년 담임선생님은 엄마인 저를 두세 번이나 소환을 해서 이 정도 성적이 되는 아이를 왜 과학 고등학교나 외국어 고등학교에 보내지 않느냐며 졸랐던 적도 있었습니다. 꼭 그렇게 하면 안 된다고 생각하진 않았는데 우리 아들이 그런 학교에 가면 열심히 공부해야 하는데 자기는 절대로 안 가겠다고 해서 못 보낸 것입니다. 지금 생각해도 나는 참 대책 없는 엄마였던 것 같습니다.
그럼에도 불구하고 아이들이 잘 자라준 것은 우리를 사랑하시는 하나님의 놀라우신 은혜이고 우리와 함께 교회 공동체를 이루고 살았던 이웃들 덕분이 아닌가 싶습니다. 아이들이 한 지역 교회에 속해서 사람들이 어떻게 사랑하고 도우며 사는지, 하나님 말씀대로 살아가려고 얼마나 고민하는지, 그 모습을 보며 자란 것이 그들에게 도움이 되었을 것 같습니다. 실패와 좌절을 극복하는 모습을 보면서, 힘들 때는 하나님께 함께 기도하는 공동체에서, 부모 뿐만 아니라 주위의 어른들과 또래인 친구들의 모습을 보면서도 배웠을 것 같습니다.
그러고 보니 교육이란, 무엇을 가르치거나, 무슨 값비싼 교육프로그램이나 환경을 제공한다기보다는 우리가 어떤 모습으로 살아가는지, 무엇을 가장 중요하게 생각하는지를 보고 경험하는 것이 가장 중요한 게 아닌가 싶습니다. 부모는 어차피 어떤 모습이든지 모델로서의 역할을 할 수 밖에 없으니 말입니다.
어쨌거나 우리는 아무 한 것도 없는데 아들들에게 “좋은 부모가 되어주셔서 고맙습니다.”라는 말을 듣는 것이 좀 쑥스럽긴 하지만 얼마나 감사한 일인지 모르겠습니다. 우리도 지금까지 하나님의 은혜 가운데 살아왔듯이 우리 자녀들의 삶에도 하나님의 은혜가 함께 하셔서 그들 역시 좋은 부모가 되고 믿음의 전승자의 역할을 잘 감당할 수 있기를 바랍니다.
Since it was New Year's Day, we had a video call via Hangouts with our eldest son's family. It was quite a busy time as everyone took turns sharing their New Year's greetings, yet it brought such happiness. Because of our busy lives, we do not call each other very often; however, on special days, being able to see one another's faces on a mobile phone—and for free, no less—reminds us what a wonderful world we live in. After hanging up, as we talked about our children, I remembered something our son had shared with us some time ago.
It happened when our daughter-in-law, feeling upset over something, blurted out to him, "How could someone who grew up under good parents like you ever understand how I feel?" At a loss for words, our son retorted, "What! Is it a crime to have grown up under good parents?" Hearing that our children regarded us as good parents brought warmth to my heart. Yet the very next moment, a question lingered in my mind: 'Good parents? Really?' That thought arose because I felt we had provided so little for them while they were growing up. During those years, we were a financially struggling international student family, and even after returning to our homeland, we were a church-planting pastor's family for nearly a decade.
Our children never once attended the common after-school academies for Taekwondo, piano, English, or math. I rarely bought them brand-new clothes either. Most of what they wore were second-hand hand-me-downs or T-shirts received at church retreats. In spite of that, they grew up bright and cheerful without much complaint, for which I am merely grateful. Needless to say, this was entirely the grace of our good God.
As parents, the two of us were always busy, but perhaps we also never thought we strictly had to provide everything. Aside from eating together under one roof, worshiping, and sharing God's Word together with the saints in one church community, there was little else we did. Because of that, a visiting pastor once noticed how we raised our children and asked, in a tone that sounded almost like a scolding, why we were just leaving them be, without providing better opportunities or helping them receive a superior education.
Furthermore, when our second son was in his third year of middle school, his homeroom teacher summoned me two or three times, persistently pleading that a boy with his grades should certainly be sent to a science high school or a foreign language high school. It wasn't that I was strictly opposed to the idea, but our son told us that going to such a school would require studying relentlessly and that he flatly refused to go, so we did not send him. Looking back even now, I suppose I was quite a clueless mother.
Nevertheless, that our children grew up so well is solely thanks to the wondrous grace of God who loves us, as well as the neighbors who shared church community life with us. Belonging to a local church, our children saw firsthand how people love and support one another, and how deeply they wrestle to live in accordance with God’s Word. Growing up with those sights surely shaped them. Witnessing adults overcome failures and frustrations, praying together to God during difficult times within the community, they learned not only from us as parents, but also from the grown-ups around them and from their peers.
Reflecting on this, true education may not be about teaching specific lessons or offering lavish educational programs and environments; rather, it seems to be about letting children see and experience how we live our daily lives and what we treasure most deeply. After all, whether we realize it or not, parents cannot help but serve as role models.
At any rate, though it feels a bit embarrassing to hear our sons say, "Thank you for being good parents," when we did so little, I cannot express how grateful I am. Just as we have lived under God's grace until now, I pray that God's grace will abide with our children's lives as well, enabling them to become good parents and faithfully pass on the heritage of faith.
Aangesien dit Nuwejaarsdag was, het ons 'n video-oproep via Hangouts met ons oudste seun se gesin gemaak. Almal het beurte gemaak om nuwejaarswense oor te dra, en hoewel dit 'n besige gedoente was, het dit ons harte met vreugde gevul. Omdat ons almal besig is, bel ons mekaar nie baie gereeld nie, maar om mekaar se gesigte op spesiale dae oor 'n selfoon te kan sien—en boonop verniet—laat 'n mens besef in watter wonderlike wêreld ons leef. Nadat ons afgelui het en oor die kinders begin gesels het, het ek onthou van iets wat ons seun 'n tydjie gelede vertel het.
Ons skoondogter was oor die een of ander saak ontsteld en het sommer reguit vir hom gesê: "Hoe sal jy, wat onder goeie ouers grootgeword het, ooit weet hoe dit binne-in my voel?" Ons seun, wat nie geweet het wat om te antwoord nie, het glo teruggekap: "Wat! Is dit nou 'n sonde om onder goeie ouers groot te geword het?" Om te hoor dat ons kinders ons as goeie ouers beskou, het my hart dadelik verwarm. Maar die volgende oomblik het die gedagte by my opgekom: 'Goeie ouers? Is dit werklik so?' Daardie gedagte het ontstaan omdat ek gevoel het dat ons bitter min vir hulle kon gee terwyl hulle grootgeword het. Ons was immers 'n arm buitelandse studentegesin, en selfs nadat ons na ons vaderland teruggekeer het, was ons vir byna 'n dekade lank 'n pionierspredikantsgesin.
Ons kinders het nooit die algemene naskoolse academies vir Taekwondo, klavier, Engels of wiskunde bygewoon nie. Ek kan ook skaars onthou dat ek vir hulle nuwe klere gekoop het. Die meeste klere wat hulle gedra het, was tweedehandse klere wat ons present gekry het, of T-hemde wat hulle by gemeentekampe ontvang het. Desondanks het hulle sonder om te kla, vrolik en opgeruimd grootgeword, en daarvoor kan ek net dankbaar wees. Dit spreek vanself dat dit alles te danke is aan die genade van 'n goeie God.
As ouers was ons twee altyd besig, maar ons het sekerlik ook nooit gedink dat daar dinge was wat ons noodwendig moes voorsien nie. Buiten om saam onder een dak te eet en saam met die gelowiges in een kerkgemeenskap te aanbid en God se Woord te deel, het ons min anders gedoen. Om daardie rede het 'n leraar wat ons huis eendag besoek het, ons byna berispend gevra waarom ons die kinders net so laat begaan, en waarom ons hulle nie beter geleenthede gun en help om 'n hoër gehalte onderwys te ontvang nie.
Nie net dit nie, maar toe ons tweede seun in graad 9 was, het sy klagsonderwyser my twee of drie keer ingeroep en aangedring dat 'n kind met sulke goeie punte beslis na 'n wetenskap-hoërskool of 'n hoërskool vir vreemde tale gestuur moes word. Dit was nie dat ek principieel daarteen gekant was nie, maar ons seun het gesê dat hy vreeslik hard sou moes studeer as hy na so 'n skool toe sou gaan en dat hy botweg weier om te gaan, so ons het hom nie gestuur nie. As ek nou daaraan terugdink, was ek sekerlik 'n ma sonder enige planne.
Nogtans is die feit dat ons kinders so mooi grootgeword het, suiwer te danke aan die wonderbaarlike genade van God wat ons liefhet, en aan ons medegelowiges wat saam met ons die kerkgemeenskap gevorm het. Omdat die kinders deel was van 'n plaaslike gemeente, kon hulle sien hoe mense mekaar liefhet en bystaan, en hoe ernstig hulle worstel om volgens God se Woord te lewe. Om te midde van daardie lewensvoorbeeld groot te word, was vir hulle van onskatbare waarde. Wanneer hulle gesien het hoe volwassenes mislukkings en terugslae oorkom, en hoe 'n gemeenskap in moeilike tye saam tot God bid, het hulle nie net by ons as ouers geleer nie, maar ook by die volwassenes en maats rondom hulle.
As 'n mens daaroor nadink, gaan opvoeding miskien nie daaroor om spesifieke lesse in te prent of om duur opvoedkundige programme en omgewings te voorsien nie; dit gaan veel eerder daaroor dat kinders sien en ervaar hoe ons leef en wat ons werklik as die heel belangrikste beskou. Ouers kan immers nie anders as om, hoe hulle ook al leef, as rolmodelle te dien nie.
Hoe dit ook al sy, hoewel ons eintlik niks besonders gedoen het nie, voel dit 'n bietjie verleë om by ons seuns te hoor: "Dankie dat Pa en Ma vir ons goeie ouers was." Tog weet ek nie hoe om my dankbaarheid hiervoor genoeg uit te druk nie. Net soos ons tot vandag toe onder God se genade geleef het, bid ek dat God se genade ook met ons kinders se lewens sal wees, sodat hulle eweneens goeie ouers mag word en die fakkel van die geloof getrou aan die volgende geslag kan oordra.