언젠가 저희 집에 방문한 분들이 계셨습니다.커피를 드리려고 했더니 에스프레소를 주문하셨지요. 그런데 제가 제일 좋아하는 푸른색 에스프레소 잔을 꺼내면서 무심코 잔에 관한 얘기를 하게 되었습니다. 원래는 미국에 사는 며느리가 에스프레소 잔 한 세트를 사주었던 것입니다. 푸른빛이 마음에 들어 애용했었는데 어느 날 그 중 하나가 깨어졌습니다. 결국 하나만 남게 되어 며느리에게 미안하기도 해서 하나를 더 사보려고 매장에 갔었는데 하나는 팔지 않는다는 것입니다. AS차원에서 팔 수 없겠느냐고 부탁해 보았지만 안 된다고 했지요. 물론 두 개를 사면 좋겠지만 가격이 만만치 않았습니다. 조그마한 잔인데 말이지요. 그래서 그냥 사지 않았습니다. 다른 것은 같은 색깔의 잔이 두 개인데 유독 그 잔만 하나라서 그냥 얘기가 나온 김에 별 생각 없이 한 말이었습니다.
그런데 며칠 전 남편이 승용차를 타고 갔다가 돌아왔는데, 그 차 안에 예의 그 에스프레소 잔 세트가 포장이 되어 있는 것입니다. 남편은 잘 모르는 사실이라고 했습니다. 결국 알고 보니 전에 저희 집에 방문했던 분 중 한 분이 차 안에 놓아둔 것이었습니다. 아차! 그 때 내가 그 얘기를 했던 기억이 났습니다. 왜 그 쓸데없는 말을 했을까, 미안하기도 하고 그냥 한 말을 기억해서 사주신 그 정성이 참으로 고맙기도 했습니다.
그러고 보니 옛날에도 비슷한 일이 있었습니다. 30년쯤 되었을 것 같은데 한 자매가 걸고 있는 목걸이가 예뻐서 그냥 예쁘다고 했는데 그 자매가 “그러세요, 사모님 좋아하시는 것 같은데 드릴게요.”라며 벗어주었습니다. 한참 빵꽃공예가 유행이던 시절에 누군가가 만든 예쁜 보라색에 앙증맞은 모양이 정말 예뻤습니다. 아직도 그 목걸이를 가지고 있고 사용할 때마다 그 자매가 기억나고 역시 미안하고 고마운 마음을 잊지 못하고 있습니다. 그런데 또 같은 실수를 하다니요. 어디 가서 예쁘다는 말도 조심해야겠다고 생각해 놓고서는 그것도 아마 잊어먹은 게 아닌가 싶습니다. 요즈음에는 뭐든지 잘 잊어먹으니 탈입니다.
하지만 곰곰이 생각해보면 늘 그렇게 이웃들의 도움과 관심 가운데 살아왔다는 생각이 들어 새삼 감사하게 되었습니다. 부모님과 가족의 도움으로 인생을 시작했고, 누군가의 기도와 전도 덕분에 주님을 만나고, 새로운 삶을 알게 되었으며, 인종이 다르고 문화가 다름에도 불구하고 주님 안에서 한 형제자매로서 사랑해준 분들 덕분에 유학생활도 잘 마칠 수 있었습니다. 유학생활을 시작할 때에는 침대 시트며 수저 하나에 이르기까지 그곳 성도들이 챙겨 주셨고 의료비나 약값도 무료로 배려해 주셨으며 한국으로 돌아오는 비행기 티켓까지 사주셔서 돌아왔으니까요.
목회를 시작하고서는 성도들의 변함없는 사랑과 돌봄 덕분에 지금까지 살고 있습니다. 봄이 되니 정원에는 개나리부터 시작해서 매화, 목련이 피었다가 지더니 튤립, 수선화, 라일락이 피어서 자태를 뽐내고 있습니다. 자세히 살펴보면 이곳으로 이사 올 때 안방 창문 앞의 소나무며 종려나무들을 사다 심어주신 분, 블루베리 화분 여러 개를 가져다 주신 분도 계셨습니다. 만리향 나무는 울산의 목사님들이 사다 주셨고, 큰 나무로 자라 출입구를 거의 막게 되어 다른 곳으로 옮겨심은 수국들은 저희 교회 목사님들이 주셨지요. 앞마당에 그네를 만들어주신 목사님, 튤립과 백합 구근을 주신 분, 국화며 채송화들을 심어주신 분, 오실 때마다 알로에며 유실수들을 심어놓고 가시는 아주버님···. 일일이 세어보기가 힘들만큼 많은 분들의 도움으로 올해도 아름다운 봄을 맞고 있으니 어떻게 감사하지 않을 수 있겠습니까?
원래 빈손으로 와서 아무 것도 가진 것이 없는 사람인데 하나님께서 가정을 허락하시고 먹고 자고 입도록 하셨을 뿐만 아니라 주위에 사랑하는 사람들을 주셔서 이토록 많은 사랑과 도움을 받게 하시니 정말 놀라운 은혜가 아닐 수 없습니다. 이 은혜와 사랑을 생각해서라도 사는 날 동안 사랑을 흘러 보내는 삶을 살기를, 하늘을 우러러 부끄러운 삶이 되지 않기를 소원할 따름입니다.
Some time ago, guests visited our home. When I offered them coffee, they asked for espresso. As I took out my favorite blue espresso cup, I casually shared the story behind it. Originally, my daughter-in-law living in the United States had given me a set of espresso cups. I loved their deep blue color and used them often, but one day, one of them broke. Feeling sorry toward my daughter-in-law that only one was left, I went to the store hoping to buy a replacement, but they said they did not sell them individually. I even asked if they could sell just one as customer service, but they refused. Of course, I could have bought a new pair, but the price was quite steep—especially for such tiny cups. So I simply didn't buy them. All my other cups come in matching pairs, but that blue one alone was single, and as the conversation turned that way, I mentioned it without giving it a second thought.
A few days ago, my husband returned after driving the car, and sitting inside was a beautifully wrapped set of those very espresso cups. My husband said he knew nothing about it. As it turned out, one of the guests who had visited our home had quietly left it in the car. Oh dear! I suddenly remembered telling that story. Why did I have to utter such unnecessary words? I felt terribly apologetic, yet at the same time, I was profoundly grateful for their warm heart that remembered a passing remark and bought them for me.
Looking back, a similar thing happened long ago. It must have been about thirty years ago when I complimented a sister in Christ on her pretty necklace, simply saying how lovely it was. She immediately unclasped it and handed it to me, saying, "Oh, do you like it, Pastor's Wife? You seem to love it, so please take it." Back then, cold porcelain dough-flower crafts were in vogue, and that dainty little necklace with its charming violet flowers was truly adorable. I still cherish that necklace, and whenever I wear it, I remember that sister with the same mixture of apology and deep gratitude. And yet, here I was, making the very same mistake again! I had resolved to be careful before complimenting anything, but with time, I must have forgotten even that resolution. Lately, I seem to forget everything so easily, which is quite a trouble.
Yet, when I reflect quietly upon it, I realize afresh with profound thankfulness that my entire life has been sustained by the help and loving care of my neighbors. I began this life with the support of my parents and family; through someone’s prayers and evangelism, I came to know the Lord and discovered a new life; and despite differences in race and culture, I was able to complete my studies abroad thanks to those who embraced and loved us as brothers and sisters in Christ. When we first began our overseas studies, the local believers provided everything for us, from bed sheets down to spoons and chopsticks. They even covered our medical expenses and prescriptions free of charge, and bought our plane tickets so we could return home to Korea.
Since entering ministry, we have lived each day upheld by the unchanging love and tender care of our congregation. Now that spring has arrived, the garden has seen forsythias, plum blossoms, and magnolias bloom and fade, making way for tulips, daffodils, and lilacs showing off their splendid grace. Looking closely, I remember the person who bought and planted the pine and palm trees outside our bedroom window when we first moved here, and the one who brought several blueberry pots. Pastors from Ulsan bought us the sweet-scented mock orange (Pittosporum), while the hydrangeas—which grew so large that they almost blocked the entrance and had to be transplanted elsewhere—were gifted by the pastors of our church. There is the pastor who built a swing in the front yard, the one who gave tulip and lily bulbs, the one who planted chrysanthemums and moss roses, and my brother-in-law who plants aloe and fruit trees every single time he visits... Surfacing memories of so many people whose kindness is too numerous to count, as we welcome another breathtaking spring, how could my heart not overflow with thanksgiving?
I came into this world empty-handed with nothing to my name, yet God graciously granted me a family, provided food, shelter, and clothing, and surrounded me with loving people through whom I receive boundless love and support. What an astounding grace this is! Mindful of such grace and love, my only earnest prayer for the rest of my days is to live a life that channels this love to others, walking blamelessly before heaven without shame.
’n Ruk gelede het besoekers by ons huis aangedoen. Toe ek vir hulle koffie wou aanbied, het hulle vir espresso gevra. Terwyl ek my gunsteling- blou espressokoppie te voorskyn gebring het, het ek sonder om te dink die storie daarvan vertel. Oorspronklik het my skoondogter wat in die Verenigde State woon, vir my ’n stel espressokoppies gekoop. Ek was baie lief vir die diep blou kleur en het dit gereeld gebruik, maar eendag het een van hulle gebreek. Omdat ek net een oor gehad het en effens sleg gevoel het teenoor my skoondogter, het ek na die winkel gegaan om nog een te probeer koop, maar hulle het gesê hulle verkoop dit nie afsonderlik nie. Ek het selfs gevra of hulle my nie ter wille van kliëntediens net een kon verkoop nie, maar die antwoord was nee. Natuurlik kon ek ’n nuwe stel van twee gekoop het, maar die prys was nogal stewig—veral vir sulke klein koppietjies. Daarom het ek dit maar daar gelaat. Al my ander koppies het ’n maatjie van dieselfde kleur, en slegs daardie enetjie was alleen; soos die gesprek geloop het, het ek dit maar net terloops genoem sonder om twee keer daaroor te dink.
Maar ’n paar dae gelede het my man met die motor weggery en teruggekom, en binne-in die motor was daar ’n netjies verpakte stel van presies daardie espressokoppies. My man het gesê hy weet niks daarvan af nie. Uiteindelik het dit geblyk dat een van die gaste wat voorheen by ons gekuier het, dit stilweg in die motor gelaat het. Aai tog! Ek het meteens onthou dat ek daardie storie vertel het. Waarom moes ek sulke onnodige woorde kwytraak? Ek het gelyktydig baie jammer gevoel en tog ook innig dankbaar vir daardie mooi omgee wat ’n terloopse opmerking onthou en die moeite gedoen het om dit vir my te koop.
Noudat ek daaraan dink, het iets soortgelyks lank gelede ook gebeur. Dit moes sowat dertig jaar gelede gewees het toe ’n suster ’n pragtige halssnoer gedra het. Ek het bloot opgemerk hoe mooi dit is, waarop sy dit dadelik afgehaal en gesê het: “Regtig, Pastorsvrou? Dit lyk of u baie daarvan hou, neem dit asseblief.” Destyds was kunsblomme gemaak van brooddeeg baie gewild, en daardie oulike halssnoertjie met sy pragtige pers blommetjies was werklik beeldskoon. Ek het daardie halssnoer vandag nog, en elke keer as ek dit dra, onthou ek daardie suster met dieselfde mengsel van jammerte en diepe dankbaarheid. En tog het ek nou weer dieselfde fout gemaak! Ek het my nog voorgeneem om versigtig te wees om dinge sommer net mooi te noem, maar blykbaar het ek selfs daardie voorneme skoon vergeet. Deesdae vergeet ek alles so maklik—dit is werklik ’n probleem.
Maar as ek rustig daaroor nadink, besef ek opnuut met innige dankbaarheid dat my hele lewe nog altyd gedra is deur die hulp en liefdevolle sorg van my naastes. Ek het my lewe begin danksy die ondersteuning van my ouers en familie; deur iemand se gebede en getuienis het ek die Here leer ken en ’n nuwe lewe ontdek; en ten spyte van verskille in ras en kultuur kon ons ons studies in die buiteland suksesvol voltooi danksy gelowiges wat ons as broers en susters in Christus liefgehad het. Toe ons met ons studies oorsee begin het, het die plaaslike gemeentelede vir alles gesorg, van beddegoed tot by eetgerei. Hulle het ons mediese uitgawes en medisyne gratis gedek, en selfs ons vliegkaartjies terug na Korea gekoop sodat ons kon terugkeer.
Vandat ons in die bediening getree het, leef ons tot vandag toe uit die onwrikbare liefde en sorg van die gemeente. Noudat dit lente is, het die forsythias, pruimbloeisels en magnolias in die tuin geblom en weer verdwyn, en pronk die tulpe, narsings en seringe in al hul prag. As ek van naderby kyk, onthou ek die een wat die denneboom en palmbome voor ons slaapkamervenster gekoop en geplant het toe ons hierheen verhuis het, en die een wat verskeie potte met bloubessies gebring het. Leraars van Ulsan het vir ons die welriekende Pittosporum-boompies gekoop, en die hortensias—wat so groot geword het dat hulle die ingang byna versper het en elders oorgeplant moes word—is deur die leraars van ons gemeente geskenk. Daar is die leraar wat ’n skoppelmaai in die voortuin gemaak het, die een wat tulp- en leliekolle geskenk het, die een wat krisante en pypies geplant het, en my swaer wat elke keer wanneer hy kom kuier aalwyne en vrugtebome kom plant... Hoe kan my hart nie oorloop van dankbaarheid as ons vanjaar weer so ’n pragtige lente beleef danksy die hulp van soveel mense dat ’n mens hulle beswaarlik kan tel nie?
Oorspronklik het ek met leë hande gekom en niks besit nie, maar die Here het vir my ’n gesin geskenk, gesorg vir kos, slaapplek en klere, en bowenal liefdevolle mense rondom my geplaas sodat ek soveel liefde en bystand kon ontvang. Wat ’n wonderbaarlike genade is dit tog nie! Wanneer ek aan hierdie genade en liefde dink, is my enigste hartsbegeerte om vir die res van my lewe hierdie liefde aan ander uit te deel, en so te lewe dat ek nie voor die aangesig van die hemel beskaamd hoef te staan nie.