경상도 어느 시골에서 초등학교를 졸업했을 때 아버지는 “말은 제주도로, 사람은 서울로”보내야 한다고 생각하셨는지 나를 서울로 보냈습니다. 시골에서는 전교에서 1등도 했지만, 서울 입성의 벽은 그때도 높았습니다. 중학교 1, 2차 입학시험에 떨어지고, 줄만 서면 갈 수 있는 미아리의 어느 중학교에 입학을 했습니다. 그 때 제가 기거한 누나집은 영등포구 신길동이었습니다. 당시로서는 서울 이쪽 끝에서 저쪽 끝까지, 그 먼길을 지하철도 없던 시절에 전차를 타고 다녔습니다. 신길동에서 전차를 타고 종로4가에 내려서, 다시 돈암동 종점까지 가는 전차를 바꾸어타고 종점에서 내려 미아리 고개를 넘어 학교까지는 또 걸어야 했습니다. 그러다 보면 한 시간 반이 훨씬 넘게 걸렸습니다.
그러다가 2학년 초에 가정 형편상 낙향을 했습니다. 고향에 돌아가 가까운 중학교에 전학을 하려고 했더니, 자리가 없다고 하는 학교측 설명에, 그럼 다음 해에 보내겠다며, 쿨하게 아들을 휴학시킨 아버지 덕분에, 내 생애에 참으로 기억에 남을만한 멋진 한 해가 펼쳐졌습니다. 그해 5월부터 다음해 3월 신학기가 올 때까지, 거의 1년을 동네 쪼무래기들을 데리고 칼싸움, 총싸움을 하면서 재밌게 지냈기 때문입니다. 그 해 겨울, 날씨가 추워져서 그랬는지, 무대를 옮겨, 바깥에서 집안으로 들어와 따뜻한 방에서 잠언서를 읽기 시작했습니다. 그러면서 마음에 드는 구절을 하나씩 골라서, 새해를 앞두고, 직접 수제(手製)달력을 만들었습니다. 그러다 보니 달력은 없어졌지만 아직도 몇 구절이 마음에 남았습니다. 그 가운데 두 구절을 나누고 싶습니다.
그 첫 번째 구절은 잠언 19장 14절입니다. “집과 재물은 조상에게서 상속하거니와, 슬기로운 아내는 여호와께로서 말미암느니라” 중학생이 <아내>에 대한 꿈을 꾸었다고 조숙했다고 혀를 찰 이유는 없습니다. 요즈음처럼 결혼을 선택사항으로 다루던 시대가 아니고, 필수로 여기던 시대였으니, 피해갈 수 없다면 미리 준비하고 즐겨야 하는 것이 아닐까요? 하긴 중학교가 아니라, 벌써 초등학교 2학년 때, 동급생이던, 교장선생님 따님 이름을 운동장에 쓰곤 했으니 말입니다. 하여간 부모님은 제게 집과 재물 대신 빚만 물려 주었지만, 제게 이 잠언말씀을 마음에 새겨준 하늘 아버지께서는, 당신의 약속을 지키셔서, 슬기로운 아내를 주셨습니다.
또 한 구절도 같은 잠언 19장 말씀입니다 “게으른 자는 그 손을 (떡)그릇에 넣고도, 입으로 올리기를 괴로워하느니라”(24절, 개역) 그 구절을 처음 만났을 때 뭘 그럴까? 아무리 게을러도 그럴 리가 있을까 하는 생각이 들었습니다. 그러나 학교를 졸업하고, 박사학위까지도 얻은 후에 그런 사람을 만났습니다. 정말 주님은 관대하셔서 그렇게 게으른 저를 오래 기다려주셨습니다. 어느 날, 다음 말씀을 읽으면서 깨달음을 얻게 되었습니다. “또 이르시되 너희가 무엇을 듣는가 스스로 삼가라 너희의 헤아리는 그 헤아림으로 너희가 헤아림을 받을 것이며 더 받으리니”(막 4:24) “그러므로 너희가 어떻게 들어야 할지 주의하여라. 가진 자는 더 받을 것이고 가지지 못한 자는 그가 가졌다고 생각하는 것마저 빼앗길 것이다.”(눅 8:18) 관심을 기울이면 기울이는 만큼, 아니 그보다 더 깨달음을 주시는데 말씀의 떡 그릇에 자기의 손을 넣고서도 입으로 올리기를 괴로워하는 것처럼 살고 있는 저를 비로소 보았기 때문입니다. 그러나 이제 남은 날은 온유하고 겸비한 마음으로 지혜의 말씀에 귀를 기울이고 싶습니다.
When I graduated from elementary school in a rural village in Gyeongsang-do, my father sent me to Seoul, perhaps thinking of the old proverb that "horses should be sent to Jeju, and people to Seoul." In the countryside, I had even ranked first in the entire school, but the wall to enter Seoul was daunting even back then. After failing both the first and second rounds of middle school entrance examinations, I finally enrolled in a middle school in Miari where anyone who simply stood in line could be admitted. At that time, I stayed at my older sister's house in Singil-dong, Yeongdeungpo-gu. In those days before the subway existed, I had to travel across Seoul from one end to the other by streetcar. I took a streetcar from Singil-dong, got off at Jongno 4-ga, transferred to another streetcar heading toward the Donam-dong terminus, got off there, and then had to walk over the Miari Pass to get to school. All of that took well over an hour and a half.
Then, at the beginning of my second year, I had to return to my hometown due to family circumstances. When we tried to transfer me to a nearby middle school back home, the school said there were no vacancies. To this, my father coolly remarked that he would just send me the following year, granting his son an unexpected leave of absence. Thanks to him, a truly memorable and delightful year unfolded in my life. From May of that year until the new school term started the following March, for nearly a full year, I had the time of my life playing with the neighborhood kids, running around in pretend sword and gun fights. Perhaps because the weather turned chilly that winter, I moved my playground from outside into the cozy room indoors and began reading the Book of Proverbs. As I read, I selected verses that resonated with me and, ahead of the new year, made a handmade calendar. Although that calendar has long since vanished, a few verses have remained deeply etched in my heart ever since. Among them, I would like to share two.
The first verse is Proverbs 19:14: "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." There is no need to click one's tongue and consider me precocious for dreaming of a "wife" when I was merely a middle schooler. It was not an era like today when marriage is treated as an option; marriage was considered an absolute necessity. If it was inevitable, wasn't it better to prepare for it in advance and look forward to it? Indeed, even before middle school, back in the second grade of elementary school, I used to write the name of the principal's daughter, my classmate, on the school playground. At any rate, though my parents left me debts rather than houses or wealth, my Heavenly Father, who engraved this word of Proverbs upon my heart, kept His promise and blessed me with a wise and prudent wife.
The other verse is also from Proverbs chapter 19: "A sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he will not even bring it back to his mouth" (v. 24). When I first encountered this verse, I thought, "Why would anyone do that? No matter how lazy someone is, could that really be true?" Yet, long after graduating from school and even earning a doctorate, I finally recognized such a person—and it was none other than myself. Truly, the Lord has been gracious and waited patiently for someone as lazy as me for so long. One day, a profound realization dawned upon me as I read the following passages: "'Consider carefully what you hear,' he continued. 'With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more'" (Mark 4:24); and "'Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them'" (Luke 8:18). He gives insight in proportion to the attention we devote—indeed, far more than that—yet I finally saw myself living as though I had buried my hand in the dish of the Word, finding it too bothersome to bring it to my mouth. Now, for the days that remain, I desire to listen to the words of wisdom with a gentle, humble, and receptive heart.
Toe ek laerskool in 'n plattelandse dorpie in Gyeongsang-do voltooi het, het my pa my na Seoel gestuur, waarskynlik met die gedagte aan die ou spreekwoord dat "perde na Jeju en mense na Seoel" gestuur moet word. Op die platteland was ek selfs eerste in die hele skool, maar die hekkie om in Seoel te kom, was selfs destyds baie hoog. Nadat ek die toelatingseksamens vir hoërskole in die eerste en tweede rondes gedruip het, het ek uiteindelik ingeskryf by 'n middelskool in Miari waar enigiemand wat bloot in die ry gaan staan het, toegelaat kon word. Destyds het ek by my ouer suster in Singil-dong, Yeongdeungpo-gu, tuisgegaan. In daardie dae sonder 'n moltrein moes ek per trem van die een kant van Seoel na die heel ander kant reis. Ek het 'n trem vanaf Singil-dong geneem, by Jongno 4-ga afgeklim, oorgestap na 'n ander trem wat na die Donam-dong-eindpunt loop, daar afgeklim en dan nog te voet oor die Miari-pas skool toe gestap. Dit het maklik heelwat meer as 'n uur en 'n half geneem.
Toe moes ek aan die begin van my tweede jaar weens gesinsomstandighede terugkeer na my tuisdorp. Toe ons my by 'n nabygeleë plaaslike skool wou inskryf, het die skool gesê daar is geen plek nie. My pa het daarop kalm gesê dat hy my dan maar die volgende jaar sou stuur, en so het hy sy seun sonder ophou 'n tussenjaar gegee. Danksy hom het daar 'n werklik onvergeetlike en wonderlike jaar in my lewe aangebreek. Vanaf Mei daardie jaar tot die begin van die nuwe skooljaar die volgende Maart—byna 'n volle jaar lank—het ek heerlik saam met die plaaslike buurtkinders swaard- en geweervegtetjies gespeel. Daardie winter, miskien omdat dit buite te koud geword het, het ek my speelplek van buite na die warm binnekamer verskuif en die boek Spreuke begin lees. Terwyl ek gelees het, het ek verse uitgekies wat my hart geraak het en, met die oog op die nuwe jaar, 'n handgemaakte kalender gemaak. Die kalender het mettertyd verdwyn, maar 'n paar verse het my altyd bygebly. Graag deel ek twee daarvan.
Die eerste vers is Spreuke 19:14: "’n Huis en rykdom is 'n erfenis van vaders, maar 'n verstandige vrou kom van die Here." ’n Mens hoef nie jou tong te klap en te dink ek was te vroegryp omdat ek as middelskoolseun al van 'n "vrou" gedroom het nie. Dit was immers nie soos vandag waar die huwelik as 'n opsie beskou word nie; dit was 'n vanselfsprekendheid. As 'n mens dit nie kon vryspring nie, was dit tog beter om vooraf voor te berei en daarna uit te sien? Om die waarheid te sê, lank voor hoërskool, reeds in graad 2, het ek al die skoolhoof se dogter—wat 'n klasmaat van my was—se naam op die speelgrond geskryf. Hoe dit ook al sy, hoewel my ouers vir my skuld pleks van huise of rykdom nagelaat het, het my Hemelse Vader, wat hierdie Spreukewoord in my hart ingebrand het, Sy belofte gestand gedoen en vir my 'n verstandige vrou geskenk.
Die ander vers kom ook uit Spreuke 19: "Steek die luiaard sy hand in die skottel, hy bring dit nie eens na sy mond terug nie" (v. 24). Toe ek die eerste keer op daardie vers afkom, het ek gewonder: "Waarom sou iemand so maak? Hoe lui 'n mens ook al is, kan dit werklik waar wees?" Tog, nadat ek my studies voltooi en selfs 'n doktorsgraad verwerf het, het ek uiteindelik so 'n persoon ontmoet—en dit was ekself. Waarlik, die Here was uitermate genadig om so lank geduld te hê met iemand soos ek wat so traag was. Eendag het daar 'n diep besef tot my deurgedring toe ek die volgende woorde lees: "En Hy het vir hulle gesê: 'Let op wat julle hoor. Met die maat waarmee julle meet, sal vir julle gemeet word, en daar sal vir julle bygevoeg word'" (Mark. 4:24); en "'Wees dan versigtig hoe julle luister; want elkeen wat het, aan hom sal gegee word; en elkeen wat nie het nie, van hom sal weggeneem word selfs wat hy dink dat hy het'" (Luk. 8:18). Na die mate van aandag wat 'n mens skenk—nee, nog veel meer as dit—skenk Hy insig; tog het ek uiteindelik gesien hoe ek geleef het asof ek my hand in die skottel van die Woord gesteek het, maar te traag was om dit na my mond te bring. Vir die dae wat nog voorlê, begeer ek egter om met 'n sagmoedige en nederige hart na die woorde van wysheid te luister.