성탄을 앞두고 울산으로 내려갔습니다. 20일 결혼주례와 21일 주일예배를 인도하기 위해서 공항으로 나가는 길에 차기 총장 내정한 분이 승낙하셨다는 연락을 받아서 홀가분한 마음으로 내려갈 수 있어서 기뻤습니다. 두산리 집에 도착했을 때는, 저녁 8시 반! 캄캄한 집에 현관문을 열려고 손을 대었는데 <열려있습니다>라고 파란 글씨가 떴습니다. 무슨 일일까? 누가 잠그는 것을 잊었을까 하는 생각으로 들어가니 안쪽 문도 얌전히 닫게 있기에, 이게 무슨 일일까^^ 거실에 촛불로 꽃길을 만들어두고 그 끝에는 두 사람이 함께 설 수 있는 하트까지 만들어 놓고 서재실 방문에는 현수막이 적혀 있었습니다. “함께 한 50년, 함께 할 50년은 우리와!” 권사님, 집사님, 전도사님의 야심찬 꿈을 수정 제안했습니다. 우린 앞으로의 50년이 아니라 영원히 함께 할 사이이기 때문입니다. 아마 다음 달 맞이하는 결혼 50주년을 미리 축하해 주는 이벤트였지만 총장의 짐을 벗은 것을 환영하는 이벤트처럼 제게는 느껴졌습니다.
뒷날은 결혼예배가 있었습니다. 울산교회 담임 목사님의 큰 딸과 장로님 아들의 결혼입니다. 우린 꼭 한달 후면 함께 50년을 걷게 되지만, 이들은 이제 함께 첫 걸음을 내딛게 됩니다. 성도들 가운데는 담임 목사 따님이라고 엄청 신경을 쓴 것 같다고 했다지만 “온갖 좋은 은사와 온전한 선물이 다 위로부터 빛들의 아버지께로부터 내려오나니 …”라고 성경은 말합니다. 정직하게 돌아보면, 사랑스런 믿음의 아들 딸이라 마음껏 축복하고 싶었지만, 말씀을 준비하는 일조차도 원하는 것만큼 되지 않았습니다. 그러나 하나님의 은혜는 선물처럼 임했기에 교회당에서 갖는 예식에 처음 참석한 신부의 친구들조차 따뜻하고 품위있는 결혼예배에 감동했다는 후문입니다.
결혼주례는 지난 봄부터 예약되어 있었는데, 예약조차 되지 않는 일들이 있었습니다. 월요일 오후 병원의 정기 처방을 받고 장례식장에 가서 안 모 권사님의 어머니이기도 하고 강아무개 자매의 할머니기도 하셨던 분의 이야기를 딸과 손녀로부터 들었습니다. 그리고 화요일 오전에는, 지난 6년간 여기 저기 발병한 암 때문에 61번의 암치료를 받은 박 모 권사님의 장례는 이미 끝났지만 남은 식구들, 특히 남편을 찾아서 권사님이 살던 집으로 갔습니다. 남편이 올린 페북의 글을 일부 전제합니다. #등짝스매싱이 그립다# “함께 할 시간 얼마 남지 않았을 때/당신은 용서를 구했다/최선 다했지만 혹 부족했다면/잘못한 게 있다면 용서해달라고…정말 용서할 게 생각나지 않아서/위대한 헌신만 눈물져/대답 못하는 날 재촉해/기어이 용서받은 당신/마지막 숨 몰아쉴 때/차가워져 가는 당신 손 붙들고/ 그동안 잘못한 거 있으면/용서해 달라고/그래도 내 딴엔 좋은 것 주고 싶었고/행복하게 해 주려 했다고/사랑한다고 고백하는 내 속삭임 들으며/깊고 평안한 잠 스며들 듯/그렇게 당신은 떠났다”
성탄절 수요일 두 가정의 성도들과 바닷가에서 점심을 먹고, 가까이 있는 다른 성도님의 카페에서 커피를 마시고, 오후 집으로 돌아오는 길에, 막 어머님 장례를 치른 또 한 분을 방문했습니다. 6, 7년 전에 제가 권면해서, 그날 이후 신앙생활을 잘 하고 있는 이 모 성도님이, 90 가까운 어머니 권사님을 보냈기 때문입니다. 권사님의 소원이 하나님께서 ‘큰 선지자를 보내주셔서 딸을 돌이켜 달라’고 수없이 기도한 응답을 받은 일입니다. 그 영혼을 두고 승려와 목사가 밀당을 했다지만, 하나님은 자매를 당신의 교회로 인도해서 한 판 승을 거두도록 하셨기 때문에 제게는 소중한 분입니다. 한 주간도 되지 않는 짧은 울산 체제 시간에 미리 예약된 복된 결혼도 있었지만, 제가 잘 알고 챙겨야 할 분만해도 장례가 세 건이나 있었습니다. 그뿐만 아닙니다. 울산에서 함께 사역했던 목회자 부부를 만나서 식사교제도 하고 요즘 문화를 따라 커피도 마시고 빈틈없이 지냈습니다. 그러나 토욜 결혼 때나 주일 설교 후에 만나는 성도들이 2월에 다시 내려온다고 하니 얼마나 좋아 하시는지 친정부모 만나는 것처럼 기뻐하는 모습에 성도들의 사랑속에 살게 하신 하나님께 감사했습니다. “ … 주는 나의 주님이시오니 주 밖에는 나의 복이 없다 하였나이다 땅에 있는 성도들은 존귀한 자들이니 나의 모든 즐거움이 그들에게 있도다”
Just before Christmas, I traveled down to Ulsan to officiate a wedding on the 20th and lead the Sunday worship service on the 21st. On my way to the airport, I received word that the nominee for the next university president had accepted the offer, which filled me with joy and allowed me to head south with a truly light heart. When I arrived at our home in Dusan-ri, it was already 8:30 in the evening! As I reached out to open the front door of the dark house, the blue illuminated message read, "Open." What could have happened? Did someone forget to lock it? Wondering what was going on, I stepped inside to find the inner door gently closed as well. What on earth could this be? ^^ Inside, a path of candlelight and flower petals stretched across the living room floor, ending in a heart shape large enough for two people to stand together. On the study door hung a banner that read: “The 50 years we shared together; the next 50 years with us!” I gently suggested an amendment to the ambitious dream of our senior deaconesses, deaconesses, and evangelists: we are destined to be together not merely for the next fifty years, but for all eternity. Though it was a surprise celebration in advance of our 50th wedding anniversary next month, to me it felt equally like a warm welcome celebrating the lifting of the burden of the university presidency.
The next day was the wedding worship service. It was the marriage between the eldest daughter of the senior pastor of Ulsan Church and the son of one of the elders. While my wife and I will have walked together for 50 years in just a month's time, these two were taking their very first steps together. Some church members remarked that extra care seemed to have been taken because she was the senior pastor's daughter, yet the Scripture reminds us: "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights . . ." In honest reflection, though they were precious children in the faith whom I longed to bless with all my heart, even preparing the sermon did not flow as smoothly as I had hoped. Nevertheless, God's grace descended like a gracious gift, and I later heard that even the bride's friends who were attending a church service for the first time were deeply moved by the warmth and dignity of the wedding ceremony.
While this wedding had been scheduled since last spring, life also brought unforeseen events that could never have been booked in advance. On Monday afternoon, after receiving my regular hospital prescription, I visited a funeral hall to hear stories about a late saint from her daughter and granddaughter—a mother to Senior Deaconess Ahn and grandmother to Sister Kang. Then on Tuesday morning, though the funeral had already concluded for Senior Deaconess Park, who had undergone 61 rounds of cancer treatment across various flare-ups over the past six years, I visited her surviving family at their home to comfort her husband. Here is an excerpt from a reflection her husband posted on Facebook: #MissingYourPlayfulBackSlaps# “When our remaining time together was running short / You asked for forgiveness / That you did your best, but if you fell short in any way / If you ever did wrong, to please forgive you...... With truly nothing to forgive coming to mind / With only tears for your noble devotion / You pressed me as I hesitated to answer / And insisted on hearing my forgiveness. / As you drew your final breaths / Holding tightly to your growing-cold hands / I whispered: If I ever wronged you, please forgive me / In my own way, I only wanted to give you the best / I only wanted to make you happy / And that I love you. / Listening to my quiet whispers / As if drifting into a deep, peaceful sleep / Just like that, you departed.”
On Christmas Wednesday, after having lunch by the sea with two families from the congregation and enjoying coffee at a nearby cafe run by another believer, I visited another family on the way home who had just laid their mother to rest. About six or seven years ago, I had counseled this believer, and she had walked faithfully in her faith ever since; now, she was bidding farewell to her nearly 90-year-old mother, who had been a devoted senior deaconess. It was the fulfillment of that mother's countless prayers, pleading that God would 'send a great prophet to turn her daughter’s heart back.' Though there had once been a spiritual tug-of-war between a Buddhist monk and a pastor over her soul, God guided this sister into His church and claimed a decisive victory—making her someone very dear to my heart. During this brief stay of less than a week in Ulsan, alongside the joyous, pre-arranged wedding, there were three funerals involving families who were deeply close to my heart. That was not all. I also shared meals and caught up over coffee with pastoral couples who had served with me in Ulsan, keeping every moment filled. Yet seeing how delighted the congregation was—both at Saturday's wedding and after Sunday's sermon—upon hearing that I would visit again in February, welcoming me as joyfully as married daughters welcoming their own parents, filled my heart with gratitude to God for letting me dwell within the love of the saints. ". . . You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you. As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight."
Vlak voor Kersfees het ek na Ulsan afgereis om op die 20ste 'n huweliksbevestiging te behartig en op die 21ste die Sondagdiens te lei. Op pad na die lughawe het ek die blye tyding ontvang dat die beoogde opvolger as rektor die amp aanvaar het, wat my met 'n verligte en dankbare gemoed laat vertrek het. Toe ek by ons huis in Dusan-ri aankom, was dit reeds halfnege die aand! In die donker huis het ek my hand uitgesteek om die voordeur oop te maak, en 'n blou liggie het gewys: "Oop." Wat kon gebeur het? Het iemand vergeet om te sluit? Met daardie gedagte het ek ingestap en gevind dat die binnedeur ook netjies toegetrek was. Wat gaan hier aan? ^^ In die sitkamer was 'n paadjie van kerslig en blomblare uitgelê, met 'n hartvorm aan die einde wat groot genoeg was vir twee mense om in te staan. Teen die studeerkamerdeur het 'n banier gehang: “Die 50 jaar wat ons gedeel het; die volgende 50 jaar saam met ons!” Ek het 'n wysiging voorgestel op hierdie ambisieuse droom van ons senior diakonesse, diakens en evangeliste: ons is immers bestem om nie net die volgende vyftig jaar saam te wees nie, maar vir ewig. Hoewel dit 'n vroeë verrassingsviering was vir ons 50ste huweliksherdenking volgende maand, het dit vir my net soos 'n hartlike verwelkoming gevoel na die verligting van die rektorslas.
Die volgende dag was daar 'n huweliksdiens. Dit was die huwelik tussen die oudste dogter van die leraar van Ulsan Gemeente en die seun van 'n ouderling. Waar ek en my vrou oor presies 'n maand 50 jaar saam sal wandel, neem hierdie twee nou hul heel eerste tree saam. Onder die gemeentelede was daar diegene wat opgemerk het dat daar baie moeite gedoen is omdat dit die leraar se dogter was, maar die Skrif sê: "Elke goeie gif en elke volmaakte gawe kom van bo, van die Vader van die ligte . . ." Eerlikwaar, al was hulle geliefde kinders in die geloof wat ek uit my hele hart wou seën, het selfs die voorbereiding van die boodskap nie so vlot verloop soos ek gehoop het nie. Tog het God se genade soos 'n geskenk neergedaal, en ek het agterna verneem dat selfs die bruid se vriende wat vir die eerste keer 'n kerklike seremonie bygewoon het, diep geraak is deur die warmte en waardigheid van die huweliksdiens.
Die huweliksbevestiging was reeds sedert verlede lente bespreek, maar daar was ook gebeure wat geen mens vooraf kan beplan nie. Maandagmiddag, nadat ek my gereelde voorskrif by die hospitaal gekry het, is ek na 'n roukamer waar ek van 'n dogter en kleindogter die lewensverhaal gehoor het van 'n suster wat die moeder van senior diakones Ahn en die ouma van suster Kang was. Dinsdagoggend het ek die huis besoek van senior diakones Park, wie se begrafnis reeds verby was nadat sy die afgelope ses jaar 61 kankerbehandelings ondergaan het weens herhaalde gewasse; ek het gegaan om haar agtergeblewe gesin, en veral haar man, te troos. Hier is 'n uittreksel uit wat haar man op Facebook geskryf het: #EkVerlangNaJouKlopOpDieSkouer# “Toe die tyd wat ons oorgehad het min geword het / Het jy om vergifnis gevra / Dat jy jou bes gedoen het, maar as jy iewers tekortgeskiet het / As daar enigiets verkeerd was, om jou te vergewe...... Omdat daar werklik niks was om te vergewe nie / Met slegs trane vir jou grootse toewyding / Het jy by my aangedring terwyl ek nie kon antwoord nie / En tog seker gemaak jy kry vergifnis. / Terwyl jy jou laaste asems uitgeblaas het / Terwyl ek jou koudwordende hande vasgehou het / Het ek gefluister: Vergewe my as ek ooit verkeerd gedoen het / Op my eie manier wou ek jou net die beste gee / Ek wou jou net gelukkig maak / En dat ek jou liefhet. / Terwyl jy na my fluisteringe geluister het / Asof jy wegsink in 'n diepe, rustige slaap / Net so het jy heengegaan.”
Op Kerswoensdag het ek saam met twee gesinne uit die gemeente langs die see middagete geniet, koffie gaan drink by 'n ander lidmaat se koffiewinkel naby, en op pad huistoe nog iemand besoek wat pas haar moeder ter ruste gelê het. Sowat ses of sewe jaar gelede het ek hierdie suster bemoedig, en sy het sedert daardie dag getrou in die geloof gewandel; nou moes sy afskeid neem van haar senior diakones-moeder wat byna 90 was. Dit was die vervulling van daardie moeder se ontelbare gebede waarin sy gesmeek het dat die Here ''n groot profeet sou stuur om haar dogter terug te bring'. Al was daar eens 'n geestelike stryd tussen 'n Boeddhistiese monnik en 'n leraar oor daardie siel, het God haar na Sy gemeente gelei en 'n klinkende oorwinning behaal, wat haar vir my besonder kosbaar maak. Tydens hierdie kort verblyf van minder as 'n week in Ulsan was daar 'n geseënde, voorafbeplande huwelik, maar ook drie begrafnisse van mense wat my baie na aan die hart lê. En dit was nie al nie. Ek het ook saam met leraaregpare geëet wat saam met my in Ulsan gearbei het, en volgens die hedendaagse gewoonte koffie gaan drink—geen oomblik het onbenut gebly nie. Tog, toe die gelowiges by Saterdag se troue en na Sondag se preek hoor dat ek in Februarie weer sou kom, was hulle vreugde so groot—soos getroude dogters wat hul eie ouers verwelkom—dat my hart oorgeloop het van dankbaarheid teenoor God wat my in die liefde van die gemeente laat lewe. “. . . U is my Here; buiten U het ek geen goeie dinge nie. Wat die heiliges betref wat op die aarde is, hulle is die edeles in wie al my behae is.”