지난 4년간의 경기도 고양살이를 끝내고, 24년간 목회를 했던, 이제는 고향 같은 울산으로 내려왔습니다. 태어나기는 경남 남해에서 태어났고 초등학교 4학년, 찔레와 줄장미가 아름다웠던 봄에 하동으로 이사를 와서 청소년기를 보내다가 부산 송도 고려신학교에서 8년을 보냈고, 결혼 후 경남 합천 청덕교회에서는 담임 사역자로, 광주 은광교회에서는 중고등부 담당자를 거쳐서, 서울 서문교회에서는 대학부를 담당하다가 유학을 갔습니다. 남아공에서 8년의 유학생활, 귀국 후 서울 장승배기와 정릉에서 10년 가까운 목회를 했고, 마지막 목회는 울산교회에서 24년(1996~2019)을 하고, 은퇴 후 꼭 1년을 쉰 다음, 경기도 고양 에스라성경대학원대학교에서 4년(2021~2024)을 사역한 후에 다시 울산 집으로 돌아왔습니다.
이사는 누구에게나 쉬운 일이 아닙니다. 하지만 우리 경우처럼 복잡한 경우도 드물 것입니다. 4년 살던 집에 빨간 딱지를 붙여서 남겨둘 물건들도 있었습니다. 식탁, 텔레비전, 세탁기 등 본래 있던 것들뿐 아니라, 당근에서 사서 4년을 쓴 더블침대도 가져올 필요가 없으니 남겨두었습니다. 그러나 더 큰 문제는 싣고 내려온 짐들을 울산 집에 푸는 일은 거의 불가능해 보였습니다. 10년도 넘게 살던 울산집에는 이미 버티고 있는 가구며 그릇들, 책장의 책들이 자리잡고 있었기 때문입니다. 포장이사의 비용은 지불했지만, 대충 풀어놓고 갈 수 밖에 없는 상황이었고, 역시 대충이라도 제자리를 잡는데는 너댓새가 걸렸습니다. 울산교회 담임 목사님의 배려로 이틀이나 ‘출장 나온’ 울산교회 3인방 특공대뿐만 아니라 행정목사님까지 동원되어서 컴퓨터, 음향기구를 조립하고, 복잡한 전선처리까지 가능했고 이만큼이라도 정리가 되어서 감사합니다.
앞으로 얼마나 더 살 수 있을지는 몰라도 이사는 이번으로 끝났으면 하고 소원합니다. 다음 이사는 또 다른 곳으로 포장이사가 아니라 땅에서 하늘로 가기를 소원합니다. 그러면 얼마나 더 살 수 있을까요? 9988234를 소원하며 노래하지만 우리 부부는 아닙니다. 우리는 그렇게까지 오래 살고 싶지 않습니다. 80대 어느날 소풍왔던 땅을 떠나서 아버지 집에 가고 싶습니다. 80대 초, 중, 후반, 어느 시점이 될지 모르지만 말입니다. 고양에 4년을 있었던 것처럼, 앞으로 몇 번 4개년 계획을 세울 수가 있을까요? 곧 3월이 오면 76세가 되니 한 번이면 80세가 되고 두 번이면 84세, 적절해 보입니다만 한 번 더 4년을 더 하면 88세! 어찌 그 이상을 생각하겠습니까? 앞으로 4년이든, 8년이든, 12년이든 그 기간을 기쁨 기도 감사로 산다면 더 이상 소원이 없습니다. 부디 그 때는 아버지의 품에 안기기를 원합니다. 어린 시절 여름날 모깃불을 피워두고 평상에서 어른들이 모여 대화를 하는 자리를 벗어나고 싶지 않아서 하품을 하면 어머니가 ‘그만 들어가서 자라’고 하지만 결국 평상에서 잠들고, 눈을 뜰 때는 안방이었습니다.
그래서 나는 어린 시절의 경험을 통해 배웠습니다. 어디서 언제 잠들지 몰라도 내가 깨어날 곳은 하늘 아버지의 집이라는 것을 압니다. 그래서 신앙의 선배들의 고백과 믿음을 배우고 싶습니다. “내가 친히 그를 보리니 내 눈으로 그를 보기를 낯선 사람처럼 하지 않을 것이라 내 마음이 초급하구나”(욥 19:27) “내 영혼이 여호와의 궁정을 사모하여 쇠약함이여 내 마음과 육체가 살아 계시는 하나님께 부르짖나이다”(시 84:2) “그러므로 우리가 낙심하지 아니하노니 우리의 겉사람은 낡아지나 우리의 속사람은 날로 새로워지도다 우리가 잠시 받는 환난의 경한 것이 지극히 크고 영원한 영광의 중한 것을 우리에게 이루게 함이니 우리가 주목하는 것은 보이는 것이 아니요 보이지 않는 것이니 보이는 것은 잠깐이요 보이지 않는 것은 영원함이라”(고후 4:16~18) 이번에 이사를 하면서 더욱 하늘로 이사가는 소원이 간절해졌습니다. 다음 이사는 아버지의 나라가 되기를 소원합니다.
Wrapping up my four years in Goyang, Gyeonggi Province, I have returned to Ulsan—a place that now feels like home after ministering there for 24 years. I was born in Namhae, South Gyeongsang Province, and moved to Hadong in the spring of my fourth-grade year, when wild briars and climbing roses were in full bloom. After spending my youth there, I spent eight years at Korea Theological Seminary in Songdo, Busan. After getting married, I served as the senior minister at Cheongdeok Church in Hapcheon, South Gyeongsang, oversaw the middle and high school ministry at Eungwang Church in Gwangju, led the university department at Seomoon Church in Seoul, and then went abroad to study. Following eight years of study in South Africa, I returned to Korea and ministered for nearly ten years in Jangseungbaegi and Jeongneung, Seoul. My final pastoral chapter was 24 years at Ulsan Church (1996–2019). After retiring and taking a full year of rest, I served for four years (2021–2024) at Ezra Bible Graduate University in Goyang, Gyeonggi Province, and have now returned once again to our home in Ulsan.
Moving is never easy for anyone, but few moves could have been as complicated as ours. In the house where we lived for four years, some items had to be left behind with red disposal tags. Not only were there furnishings that originally came with the place—like the dining table, TV, and washing machine—but we also left behind a double bed bought secondhand on Karrot and used for four years, as there was no need to bring it. However, the far greater challenge was unpacking the belongings we brought down into our Ulsan home; it seemed nearly impossible. The house in Ulsan, where we had lived for over a decade, was already packed with steadfast furniture, dishes, and bookshelves full of books. Although we paid for a full-service move, the movers had no choice but to unpack things roughly and leave, and it took us four or five days just to put things somewhat into place. Thanks to the kind consideration of the senior pastor of Ulsan Church, a "special task force" of three church members was dispatched for two whole days, joined by an administrative pastor. They assembled computers and audio equipment, organized complicated wiring, and brought things to order. I am truly grateful that we could settle in this much.
I do not know how much longer I will live, but my earnest prayer is that this will be my final move on earth. For my next move, I hope it will not be another full-service move to some other town, but a journey from earth to heaven. How much longer might that be? People often sing of the popular wish "9988234" (living healthily until 99 and passing away peacefully after two or three days of illness), but that is not the case for my wife and me. We have no desire to live that long. On some quiet day in our eighties, we wish to conclude our picnic on this earth and go home to the Father’s house—whether in our early, mid, or late eighties, whenever that appointed moment comes. Just as I spent four years in Goyang, how many more "four-year plans" will I be able to make? When March arrives, I will turn 76. One four-year period would make me 80, and two would bring me to 84, which seems quite fitting. Add another four years, and that would be 88! How could I possibly desire anything beyond that? Whether it be four, eight, or twelve years, if I can live those days with joy, prayer, and thanksgiving, I have no further wishes. When that time comes, I only long to be held in the Father’s embrace. In my childhood, adults would gather on the wooden deck on summer nights around a smoldering mosquito smudge to talk. Not wanting to leave their company, I would yawn, and Mother would tell me, "Go inside and sleep." But I would always fall asleep right there on the deck, only to open my eyes in the inner room.
Through that childhood experience, I learned something precious: no matter where or when I fall asleep, the place where I awaken will be the house of my Heavenly Father. That is why I long to learn from the confessions and faith of our spiritual forebears: "I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!" (Job 19:27); "My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God" (Psalm 84:2); "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:16–18). Going through this move has only deepened my longing to make my final move to heaven. May my next move be into the Father’s kingdom.
Nadat ons laaste vier jaar in Goyang, Gyeonggi-provinsie, tot 'n einde gekom het, het ek teruggekeer na Ulsan—die plek waar ek 24 jaar lank die bediening voortgesit het en wat nou soos 'n ware tuiste voel. Ek is in Namhae, Suid-Gyeongsang, gebore en het in my graad vier-jaar, in 'n lentetyd toe wilde rose en rankrose pragtig geblom het, na Hadong verhuis. Ná my jeugjare daar het ek agt jaar by die Koreaanse Teologiese Kweekskool in Songdo, Busan, deurgebring. Ná my huwelik was ek predikant by Cheongdeok-gemeente in Hapcheon, het daarna die hoër- en laerskooljeug by Eungwang-gemeente in Gwangju gelei, en was verantwoordelik vir die studentelewe by Seomoon-gemeente in Seoel voordat ek oorsee gaan studeer het. Ná agt jaar se studie in Suid-Afrika en my terugkeer na Korea, het ek byna tien jaar lank in Jangseungbaegi en Jeongneung in Seoel bedien. My laaste gemeentebediening was 24 jaar lank by Ulsan Gemeente (1996–2019). Ná my aftrede en presies een volle rusjaar, het ek vir vier jaar (2021–2024) by Ezra Bybelse Nagraadse Universiteit in Goyang gearbei, en nou is ek weer terug in ons huis in Ulsan.
Om te trek is vir niemand 'n maklike taak nie, maar min verhuisings kon so ingewikkeld gewees het soos ons s'n. In die huis waar ons vier jaar gewoon het, moes party besittings met rooi plakkers agtergelaat word vir verwydering. Nie net die goed wat oorspronklik daar was nie—soos die eettafel, televisie en wasmasjien—maar ook 'n dubbelbed wat ons tweedehands op Karrot gekoop en vier jaar lank gebruik het, het ons agtergelaat omdat dit onnodig was om saam te bring. Die veel groter uitdaging was egter dat dit byna onmoontlik gelyk het om die vrag wat ons saamgebring het, in die Ulsan-huis uit te pak. Die huis in Ulsan, waar ons al meer as tien jaar gewoon het, was immers reeds vol meubels, breekware en boekrakke wat vas hulle plekke volgestaan het. Hoewel ons vir 'n volpakdiens betaal het, kon die trekkerlui nie anders as om die goed maar net rofweg af te laai en te vertrek nie, en dit het ons vier tot vyf dae geneem om alles net weer 'n bietjie op sy plek te kry. Danksy die gasvrye welwillendheid van Ulsan Gemeente se leraar is 'n span van drie lidmate vir twee volle dae op 'diensreis' uitgestuur, saam met die administratiewe leraar. Hulle het rekenaars en klanktoerusting aanmekaargesit en die ingewikkelde bedrading ontknoop, en ek is innig dankbaar dat dinge darem tot só 'n mate georden kon word.
Ek weet nie hoeveel langer ek nog sal lewe nie, maar my hartewens is dat hierdie my laaste aardse verhuising sal wees. Vir my volgende trek begeer ek nie weer 'n meubelwa na 'n ander dorp nie, maar 'n verhuising van die aarde na die hemel. Hoeveel langer sal 'n mens nog leef? Baie mense besing die bekende wens "9988234" (om tot 99 gesond te lewe en ná twee of drie dae van siek wees heen te gaan), maar dit geld nie vir my en my vrou nie. Ons begeer nie om só lank te lewe nie. Op 'n dag in ons tagtigs wil ons die aarde, waar ons as 't ware op piekniek was, verlaat en na ons Vader se huis gaan—of dit nou vroeg, middel of laat in ons tagtigs sal wees, wanneer daardie oomblik ook al aanbreek. Net soos ek vier jaar in Goyang deurgebring het, hoeveel sulke vierjaarplanne sal ek nog kan beraam? As Maart aanbreek, word ek 76. Een vierjaartermyn bring my by 80, en twee by 84, wat baie gepas lyk. Nog 'n termyn van vier jaar sal 88 wees! Hoe sou ek ooit meer as dít kon begeer? Of dit nou nog vier, agt of twaalf jaar is, as ek daardie tyd met vreugde, gebed en danksegging kan deurbring, het ek geen verdere wense nie. Mag ek dan in die Vader se arms opgeneem word. In my kinderdae het die grootmense op somersaande om die muggiesroker op die houtverhoog bymekaargekom om te gesels, en omdat ek nie van daardie geselskap wou weggaan nie, het ek maar bly gaap terwyl Moeder gesê het: 'Gaan slaap nou maar binne.' Tog het ek telkens net daar op die houtbed aan die slaap geraak, net om my oë in die binnekamer oop te maak.
So het ek deur daardie kinderervaring geleer: maak nie saak waar of wanneer ek aan die slaap raak nie, die plek waar ek sal ontwaak, is die huis van my hemelse Vader. Daarom wil ek leer uit die belydenis en geloof van ons geestelike voorgangers: "Ek self sal Hom sien, met my eie oë, ja, ek en geen vreemde nie. Hoe smag my binneste daarna!" (Job 19:27); "My siel verlang en smag na die voorhowe van die Here; my hart en my vlees jubel uit tot die lewende God" (Ps. 84:3); "Om hierdie rede beswyk ons nie; al vergaan ons uiterlike mens ook, nogtans word die innerlike mens dag na dag vernuwe. Want ons ligte verdrukking wat vir 'n oomblik is, bewerk vir ons 'n allesoorweldigende ewige gewig van heerlikheid, terwyl ons nie let op die sigbare dinge nie, maar op die onsigbare; want die sigbare dinge is tydelik, maar die onsigbare is ewig" (2 Kor. 4:16–18). Met hierdie verhuising het die verlange om hemel toe te trek, net nog inniger geword. Mag my volgende trek na die Vader se koninkryk wees.