100일이면 동굴에서 빛을 보지 않고 쑥과 마늘을 먹고 지내면 곰이 사람도 될 수 있는 기간입니다. 초여름에 자전거 사고로 대퇴골을 다쳐서 수술한 지 벌써 100일 하고도 보름이 넘은 것 같습니다. 그런데 아직도 사람이 사람 구실을 제대로 못하고 있습니다. 수술 후 처음 한 주간은 죽은 것 같이 병상에서 누워만 지냈습니다. 그러다가 휠체어를 타고 화장실을 출입하는 일도 큰 진보였습니다. 5주간만에 두 병원을 거쳐서 퇴원을 하고 집에 왔지만, 그 때는 아내의 도움이 없이는 기본 생활도 불가능했습니다. 그러나 이제는 목발 하나로, 집 안에서도, 집 밖에서도 움직이며, 아쉬운대로 사람구실을 하게 되어 감사합니다.
입원하면 사람이 환자가 되어서인지 글을 읽고 싶은 마음이 조금도 없더니, 몸이 회복되면서 처음에는 <식객> <오키나와> 등 만화책을 시작으로, 뒤에는 차인표 님의 소설 <언젠가 우리가 같은 별을 바라본다면> <그들의 하루> 를 읽었습니다. 마침내 요즈음은 옛날부터 읽고 싶었던 신학서적을 읽기 시작했습니다. 우린 청교도의 후예로 자처하는 신앙의 전통 때문인지, 1970년대 초부터 그들의 책을 일단 구입하고 소장해 두었습니다. 얼마 전에는 400쪽이 넘는 존 오웬의 <그리스도의 영광>을 번역서로 읽었고, 이번에는 양낙흥 교수가 쓴 750쪽이 넘는 <조나단 에드워즈, 생애와 사상>을 열심히 읽었습니다.
대부분의 독자들이 아는대로 저는 로이드 존스의 설교를 전공했습니다. 그런데 로이드 존스는 두 권짜리 <조나단 에드워즈> 전집 표지에 ‘만약 나에게 권위가 주어진다면 이 두 권의 책을 모든 목사의 필독서로 만들고 싶다’라고 말하면서 자신의 설교와 목회, 모든 것은 조나단 에드워즈에게 빚진 것이라는 것을 주저없이 밝히고 있습니다. 그러니 <조나단 에드워즈, 생애와 사상>을 저자로부터 2003년에 선물을 받았지만 현역 목회를 하는 동안에는 표지만 바라보다가, 이번에 다쳐서 강제로 홈캉스 시즌을 보내면서 비로소 청교도들을 만나니 감격입니다. 이제 그동안 구입해서 소장했던 청교도 책들을 하나씩 읽으려고 합니다만, 아마도 그 많은 책을 다 읽기 전에 천국 가서 그분들을 만날 것 같습니다.
이번 <조나단 에드워즈, 생애와 사상>을 읽으면서 나의 청교도 사랑은 참으로 피상적이었다는 것을 부끄러워졌습니다. 동시에 하나님의 선하심과 아름다움에 빠져드는 조나단 에드워즈의 하나님 사랑이 부럽습니다. 그리고 하나님의 특별하신 임재, 뉴잉글랜드 부흥을 섬세하게 기록하고 평가한 그 지성과 영성, 그리고 겸손함이 놀랍습니다. 그동안 수없이 듣기만 했던 뉴잉글랜드의 부흥을 보면서 욥의 고백을 흉내내고 싶습니다. “내가 청교도에 대하여 귀로 듣기만 하였사오나 이제는 글로 그들을 만납니다” 더 나아가서 에드워즈의 뉴잉글랜드 부흥 이야기를 통해서 그 때의 부흥이 그리워집니다. 놀라운 부흥을 이 땅에 주시도록 함께 기도하고 싶습니다. “너희 여호와로 기억하시게 하는 자들아 너희는 쉬지 말며 또 여호와께서 예루살렘을 세워 세상에서 찬송을 받게 하시기까지 그로 쉬지 못하시게 하라” (사 62:7)
A hundred days is long enough for a bear to turn into a human in our ancient myth, living on mugwort and garlic without seeing the sunlight in a dark cave. It has already been more than a hundred and fifteen days since I underwent surgery after fracturing my femur in an early summer bicycle accident. And yet, I am still far from fully functioning like a proper human being. For the first week after the operation, I lay motionless in the hospital bed as if I were dead. Even managing to visit the bathroom in a wheelchair felt like an enormous stride forward. After five weeks and moving through two hospitals, I was finally discharged and came home, but back then, even the most basic daily routines were impossible without my wife's constant help. Now, however, using just a single crutch, I can move around both inside and outside the house, barely managing to do my part as a person—for which I am deeply grateful.
Perhaps because being hospitalized turns one completely into an invalid, I had no desire to read at all in the beginning. But as my body began to recover, I started lightly with graphic novels such as Sikgaek (Le Gourmet) and Okinawa, followed later by Cha In-pyo's novels If We Stare at the Same Star Someday and Their Day. At last, these days I have begun reading the theological works I had longed to read for so long. Perhaps owing to our faith tradition that prides itself on being spiritual descendants of the Puritans, I had been collecting their books ever since the early 1970s, buying them to keep on my shelves. Not long ago, I read a Korean translation of John Owen’s The Glory of Christ, which spans over four hundred pages, and this time, I eagerly immersed myself in the more than 750-page volume Jonathan Edwards: Life and Thought, written by Professor Nak-Heung Yang.
As most of my readers know, my academic specialty was the preaching of Martyn Lloyd-Jones. On the jacket of the two-volume The Works of Jonathan Edwards, Lloyd-Jones wrote that if he had the authority, he would make these two volumes required reading for every preacher, declaring without hesitation that his entire preaching, pastoral ministry, and all that he was owed a profound debt to Jonathan Edwards. Although I received Jonathan Edwards: Life and Thought as a gift from the author back in 2003, throughout my years of active pastoral ministry I could only gaze at its cover. Now, having suffered an injury and being forced into this extended "staycation," encountering the Puritans in depth fills my heart with deep emotion. I intend to read through the Puritan volumes I have collected over the years one by one, though I suspect I might enter heaven and meet those saints in person before I can finish all those books.
Reading Jonathan Edwards: Life and Thought this time, I felt ashamed of how superficial my supposed love for the Puritans had been. At the same time, I am deeply envious of Edwards's passionate love for God, completely enraptured by God’s goodness and beauty. His intellect, spirituality, and humility—shown in how delicately he recorded and appraised the special presence of God during the New England Revival—are truly breathtaking. Watching the revival in New England, which I had heard about countless times, I am moved to echo the confession of Job: "My ears had heard of the Puritans, but now my eyes meet them through their writings." Furthermore, walking through Edwards's account of the New England Revival stirs a profound longing in my heart for such an awakening again. I desire to pray together that the Lord might pour out such a wondrous revival upon this land: "You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth." (Isaiah 62:6b–7)
Honderd dae is lank genoeg vir 'n beer om volgens ons ou legende in 'n mens te verander, terwyl hy sonder sonlig in 'n donker grot bly en van als en knoffel leef. Dit is nou al meer as honderd en vyftien dae sedert ek ná 'n fietsongeluk vroeg in die somer 'n operasie aan my femur (bobeen) moes ondergaan. En tog kan ek steeds nie behoorlik soos 'n mens funksioneer nie. Vir die eerste week ná die operasie het ek soos 'n dooie in die hospitaalbed gelê. Om uiteindelik in 'n rolstoel na die badkamer te kon gaan, was reeds 'n reusagtige sprong vorentoe. Ná vyf weke en verblyf in twee verskillende hospitale is ek uiteindelik ontslaan en huis toe gestuur, maar destyds was selfs die mees basiese daaglikse take onmoontlik sonder my vrou se hulp. Nou kan ek egter darem met 'n enkele kruk binne sowel as buite die huis beweeg en na wense weer my deel as mens doen — en daarvoor is ek innig dankbaar.
Wanneer 'n mens in die hospitaal opgeneem word, voel jy dalk soos 'n pasiënt wat enige lus om te lees heeltemal verloor. Maar soos my liggaam begin herstel het, het ek eers liggies begin met strokiesprentromans soos Sikgaek (Die Fynproewer) en Okinawa, en daarna romans van Cha In-pyo gelees, naamlik As ons eendag na dieselfde ster kyk en Hul dag. Uiteindelik het ek die afgelope tyd begin om die teologiese boeke te lees wat ek al so lank wou deurwerk. Moontlik vanweë ons geloofstradisie wat daarop roem dat ons geestelike afstammelinge van die Puriteine is, het ek reeds sedert die vroeë 1970's hul boeke gekoop en bewaar. Onlangs het ek 'n vertaling van John Owen se Die heerlikheid van Christus van meer as 400 bladsye gelees, en hierdie keer het ek my ywerig verdiep in prof. Nak-Heung Yang se werk van meer as 750 bladsye, Jonathan Edwards: Lewe en Denke.
Soos die meeste lesers weet, het ek gespesialiseer in die prediking van Martyn Lloyd-Jones. Op die buiteblad van die tweedelige versamelde werke van Jonathan Edwards het Lloyd-Jones geskryf: "As ek die gesag gehad het, sou ek hierdie twee volumes verpligte leesstof vir elke predikant maak," en hy het sonder huiwering bely dat sy eie prediking, sy bediening en alles wat hy was, 'n reuse skuld aan Jonathan Edwards verskuldig was. Hoewel ek Jonathan Edwards: Lewe en Denke reeds in 2003 as geskenk van die skrywer ontvang het, kon ek tydens my jare in die aktiewe bediening slegs na die buiteblad staar. Noudat ek beseer is en tot hierdie gedwonge "tuisvakansie" gebring is, roer dit my hart diep om uiteindelik hierdie Puriteine werklik te ontmoet. Ek beplan om die Puriteinse boeke wat ek oor die jare gekoop en bewaar het, een vir een te lees, hoewel ek vermoed dat ek dalk eers hemel toe sal gaan en daardie vromes persoonlik sal ontmoet voordat ek al daardie boeke klaar gelees het.
Terwyl ek hierdie keer Jonathan Edwards: Lewe en Denke gelees het, het ek skaam geword oor hoe oppervlakkig my sogenaamde liefde vir die Puriteine werklik was. Terselfdertyd beny ek Jonathan Edwards se vurige liefde vir God, heeltemal meegevoer deur God se goedheid en skoonheid. Sy intellek, sy geestelikheid en sy diepe nederigheid — waarmee hy die besondere teenwoordigheid van God tydens die New England-herlewing noukeurig aangeteken en beoordeel het — is waarlik verstommend. Terwyl ek lees van die New England-herlewing waarvan ek al so dikwels gehoor het, wil ek Job se belydenis eggo: "Tot nou toe het my ore net van die Puriteine gehoor, maar nou ontmoet ek hulle deur hul geskrifte." Verder wek Edwards se weergawe van die New England-herlewing 'n diepe verlange in my hart na daardie einste herlewing. Ek wil saam bid dat die Here so 'n wonderbaarlike herlewing aan hierdie land sal skenk: "Julle wat die Here aan sy beloftes moet herinner, moenie rus nie! Moenie Hom rus gee nie totdat Hy Jerusalem herstel het, totdat Hy die hele wêreld Hom daaroor laat prys." (Jesaja 62:6b–7)