인생 리모델링 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
언제 지나갔는지 한 해가 후딱 지나갔습니다. 그리고 기축년(己丑年)이 되었습니다. 기축년이라! 그러고 보니 제가 태어난 해가 기축년이었으니 갑(甲) 이 돌아왔다는 말입니다. 참 세월은 빠르기도 합니다. “우리의 연수가 칠십이요 강건하면 팔십이라도 그 연수의 자랑은 수고와 슬픔뿐이요 신속히 가니 우리가 날아가나이다”(시편 90:10)
올 1월 가장 추운 날 이사를 했습니다. 주소는 울산시 울주군 범서읍 두산리입니다. 20호 가량 되는 동네입니다. 큰 길에서 한 오백 미터쯤 마을길로 올라가면 대촌 못을 뒤로 하고 앉아있는 슬래브 단층집입니다. 여러 분들이 수고하고 도와주셔서 예쁘게 수리가 되었습니다. 앞마당은 밭으로 꽤 넓습니다. 손님 오실 때를 대비해 데크도 만들었습니다.
“사모님, 추울 텐데 괜찮으세요?” “일이 많을 텐데 어떡하죠?” “공기가 좋아서 좋으시겠어요.” “한 번 나오려면 힘들겠어요.” 주위에서 저를 보면 하는 인사입니다. 공기도 좋고 생각보다 집이 따뜻해서 좋습니다. 또 그리 많이 걸리지는 않습니다. 편하게 운전해서 가면 20분이면 됩니다. 하지만 입춘이 되고 봄이 오려니까 밭일이며 슬금슬금 걱정이 되기도 합니다. 그래서 남편 앞에서 진작부터 엄살을 부립니다. “나는 잔디 풀 뽑아야 되니까 다른 일은 많이 시키지 마세요.” 제 엄살을 하나님께서 들으셨는지 가까이 자그만 농장이 있는 이웃 교회 집사님께서 저희 집 밭농사(?)를 도와주기로 하셨습니다.
그러다 보니 지금까지와는 다르게 시간계획을 잘 짜야 될 것 같습니다. 모임이 있든지 심방이나 누구를 만날 일이 있든지 물건 살 일을 함께 모아서 아침에 남편 출근할 때 따라 나가 밤에 퇴근을 함께 하는 거지요. 그러잖아도 함께 잘 다닌다고 사람들이 말을 하는데 이제는 더 그러게 생겼습니다. 정 안 되면 버스를 타고 다녀도 됩니다. 한 시간에 한 번씩 708번 버스가 마을 앞을 지나갑니다. 처음에는 좀 불편하겠지만 익숙해지면 괜찮아질 것입니다. 물론 시간이 꽤 많이 걸릴 것입니다. 하지만 MP3를 이용하면 그 시간도 사용할 수 있을 것입니다.
시내에 나올 필요가 없는 날은 집에 있어야겠습니다. 집에서 저를 기다리는 일들도 얼마든지 있을 것이니까요. 한 분이 강아지를 선물로 주셔서 새 식구도 생겼습니다. 그래저래 여태껏 생활하던 것과는 사뭇 다른 방법으로 살아갈 것 같습니다.
그래서 요즈음은 ‘인생의 리모델링’을 생각 중에 있습니다. ‘시간을 잘 계획해서 쓰되 바쁘게 뛰어다니지 않고 좀 느긋하게 살면 어떨까?’ 제가 부지런히 뛰어다니니까 어떤 분이 웃으면서 그러셨습니다. “처녀도 아닌데 그렇게 뛰어다니면 됩니까?” 맞는 말입니다. 이제 갑(甲)이 돌아와 회갑이 되었는데 말입니다. 이제는 평균수명이 많이 길어졌으니까 회갑이 되어서 리모델링을 해도 괜찮을 것 같습니다.
그 중에서 제일 하고 싶은 일은 하나님과 더 많이 시간을 갖는 것입니다. 나를 사랑하셔서 방황하던 인생길에서 나를 구원해주신 그 하나님, 그리고 변함없이 은혜를 베푸시는 그 하나님과 말입니다. 그래서 아름답게 늙어가고 싶습니다. 하나님께서 허락하시는 날 동안 사람들을 사랑하는 일을 더 배워가고 싶습니다. 하나님께서 주신 좋은 이곳에서 사람들을 더 잘 섬길 수 있으면 좋겠습니다. 얼마나 잘 할 수 있을지 자신은 없지만 최선을 다 하고 싶습니다.
언젠가 스티븐 코비가 쓴 「성공하는 사람들의 일곱 가지 습관」 이라는 책에서 한 가지 질문이 있었습니다. ‘자신의 장례식에서 가까운 분들이 어떤 조사를 읽어주면 좋겠습니까?’ 그 때 제가 쓴 대답입니다. 남편은 ‘참 좋은 돕는 배필이었다’고, 우리 교인들은 ‘사랑이 많은 사람이었다’고, 이웃은 ‘베풀 줄 아는 사람이었다’고, 그리고 아들들은 ‘하나님을 사랑하는 삶이 어떤 것인지 가르쳐주셨다’ 고 말해준다면 성공한 삶이겠지요. 물론 아직은 희망사항에 불과하지만 그렇게 살 수 있으면 얼마나 좋겠습니까? 사랑하는 하나님께 기도하면서 다시 한 번 인생을 리모델링해서라도 그렇게 살고 싶습니다.
Remodeling a Life - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Without my even realizing where the time went, another full year has flown by, ushering in the Year of the Ox (Gichuknyeon). The Year of the Ox! Come to think of it, I was born in a Gichuk year, which means a full sixty-year cycle (gap) has returned to me. How swiftly time passes. “Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away” (Psalm 90:10).
On the coldest day of this past January, we moved to our new home. Our address is Dusan-ri, Beomseo-eup, Ulju-gun, Ulsan—a quiet village of around twenty households. If you walk about five hundred meters up the village path from the main road, you will find our single-story concrete slab house nestled right in front of Daechon Pond. Thanks to the hard work and kind help of many dear friends, it has been renovated beautifully. The front yard is quite spacious and serves as a garden patch. We also built a wooden deck to welcome visiting guests.
“Pastoral wife, aren’t you cold out there?” “Won’t there be far too much work to do?” “The fresh air must be wonderful, though!” “It will be quite a trip whenever you need to come into town!” These are the greetings people offer whenever they see me. The fresh air truly is delightful, and the house is much warmer than expected. It does not take that long to commute either—just a comfortable twenty-minute drive. Yet, as the beginning of spring (Ipchun) nears and the warmer season approaches, worries about tending the garden patch have begun to creep in. So, well in advance, I started making playful complaints to my husband: “I have to weed the lawn, so please don’t give me too many other chores!” As if God heard my little complaints, a deacon from a neighboring church who runs a small farm nearby kindly offered to help us with our garden “farming.”
Because of this new setting, I will need to plan my schedule far more intentionally than before. Whether attending meetings, making pastoral visitations, meeting people, or running grocery errands, I will have to gather all my plans together so I can leave with my husband in the morning and return with him in the evening. People already remark that we go everywhere together, and now it looks like we will be doing so even more. If that ever proves difficult, I can always take the bus. The No. 708 bus passes by our village once an hour. It might feel a bit inconvenient at first, but once I grow accustomed to it, it will be fine. Of course, it will take quite some time, but I can make good use of those hours with an MP3 player.
On days when I have no business in town, I intend to stay at home. There will always be plenty of chores waiting for me here. A friend also gifted us a puppy, adding a delightful new member to our family. All in all, it seems my daily life will unfold in a way quite different from how I have lived until now.
That is why these days I find myself pondering the idea of “remodeling my life.” What if I manage my time carefully, yet instead of always rushing about breathlessly, learn to live at a gentler, more unhurried pace? Seeing me constantly bustling around, someone once smiled and teased, “You’re not a young maiden anymore—why are you running around like that?” They were quite right. After all, the sixty-year cycle has come full circle, and I have now reached my hwagap (sixtieth birthday). Since average life expectancies are so much longer nowadays, embarking on a personal “remodeling” at sixty seems entirely fitting.
Above all else, what I desire most is to spend more time with God—the God who loved me, redeemed me when I was wandering aimlessly through life, and continues to pour out His unfailing grace upon me. Because of Him, I want to grow old gracefully. For all the days God grants me, I want to learn more deeply how to love others. I hope to serve people better from this lovely home God has provided. While I may lack confidence in how well I can do it, I desire to do my very best.
Some time ago, in Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I encountered a thought-provoking question: “What would you like your loved ones to say about you in their eulogies at your funeral?” Back then, this was the answer I wrote: If my husband could say, “She was truly a wonderful helpmate”; if our church members could say, “She was a woman full of love”; if our neighbors could say, “She knew how to share generously”; and if our sons could say, “She taught us what it means to live a life loving God”—then that would indeed be a successful life. Of course, right now it is merely an earnest wish. Yet how wonderful it would be if I could truly live such a life! Praying to my beloved God, even if it means remodeling my life once more, that is the life I long to live.
Die Hermodellering van ’n Lewe - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sonder dat ek eers besef het waar die tyd heen is, het nog ’n jaar verbygevlieg en breek die Jaar van die Os (Gichuknyeon) aan. Die Jaar van die Os! Noudat ek daaraan dink—ek is immers self in ’n Gichuk-jaar gebore, wat beteken dat ’n volle sestigjaarsiklus (gap) na my teruggekeer het. Hoe vinnig vlieg die jare tog verby. “Ons lewensduur is sewentig jaar, of as ons baie sterk is, tagtig. Tog is die fleur daarvan net moeite en verdriet; dit gaan vinnig verby, en ons vlieg weg” (Psalm 90:10).
Op die koudste dag van hierdie afgelope Januarie het ons na ons nuwe tuiste verhuis. Ons adres is Dusan-ri, Beomseo-eup, Ulju-gun, Ulsan—’n rustige dorpie van skaars twintig huishoudings. As ’n mens sowat vyfhonderd meter met die dorpspad opstap vanaf die grootpad, kom jy by ons enkelverdieping-betonplaathuisie wat vlak voor die Daechon-dam sit. Danksy die harde werk en liefdevolle hulp van talle vriende is dit pragtig opgeknap. Die voorplaas is lekker ruim en dien as ’n groentetuin. Ons het ook ’n houtstoep aangebou om gaste hartlik te kan verwelkom.
“Pastoriemoeder, kry u nie koud daar buite nie?” “Gaan daar nie hopeloos te veel werk wees nie?” “Die vars lug moet darem heerlik wees!” “Dit gaan ’n hele onderneming wees om dorp toe te kom!” Dit is die begroetings waarmee mense my telkens nader. Die vars lug is inderdaad wonderlik, en die huis is baie warmer as wat ons verwag het. Dit neem ook nie te lank om te ry nie—net ’n rustige twintig minute agter die stuur. Tog, noudat die lentebegin (Ipchun) aanbreek en die warmer seisoen naderkruip, begin die tuinwerk my stilletjies bekommer. Daarom het ek sommer vroegtydig al by my man begin klae: “Ek moet die gras skoonmaak en onkruid uittrek, so moet my asseblief nie met te veel ander take opsaal nie!” Asof die Here my klein klaaglied gehoor het, het ’n diaken van ’n buurgemeente wat ’n klein plasie naby ons het, goedgunstiglik aangebied om ons met die tuinery te help.
As gevolg hiervan sal ek my tyd baie noukeuriger as vantevore moet beplan. Hetsy dit ’n byeenkoms, huisbesoek, ’n afspraak of inkopies is, sal ek alles op een slag moet reël sodat ek soggens saam met my man kan vertrek wanneer hy werk toe gaan, en saans saam met hom kan terugkeer. Mense merk nou reeds gereeld op dat ons altyd saam rondgaan, en nou lyk dit asof dit net nog meer so sal wees. As dit regtig nie anders kan nie, kan ek altyd die bus neem. Bus no. 708 ry een keer per uur voor die dorpie verby. Aanvanklik sal dit dalk ’n bietjie ongerieflik wees, maar sodra ek daaraan gewoond raak, sal dit heeltemal reg wees. Dit sal natuurlik baie tyd neem, maar met ’n MP3-speler kan ek selfs daardie reistyd sinvol benut.
Op dae wanneer ek geen sake in die stad het nie, wil ek liewer tuisbly. Daar sal immers altyd oorgenoeg werkies by die huis op my wag. Iemand het ook vir ons ’n hondjie present gegee, en so het ons ’n nuwe familielid ryker geword. Alles in ag genome lyk dit asof my lewe op ’n heeltemal ander manier sal verloop as waaraan ek tot nou toe gewoond was.
Daarom dink ek deesdae ernstig daaraan om my lewe te “hermodelleer.” Wat daarvan as ek my tyd noukeurig beplan, maar pleks van rusteloos rond te jaag, teen ’n rustiger, meer bedaarde pas leef? Omdat ek altyd so vlytig rondgeskarrel het, het iemand eendag laggend vir my gesê: “Jy is dan nie meer ’n jong meisie nie—hoekom hardloop jy nog so rond?” Hulle was heeltemal reg. Noudat die sestigjaarsiklus voltooi is, het ek immers my hwagap (sestigste verjaardag) bereik. Aangesien die gemiddelde lewensverwagting vandag soveel hoër is, is dit sekerlik heeltemal gepas om jou lewe op sestig te hermodelleer.
Wat ek bowenal die heel graagste wil doen, is om meer tyd saam met God deur te bring. Saam met die God wat my liefgehad het, my gered het toe ek doelloos op lewensweë rondgedwaal het, en wat my vandag nog met onveranderlike genade oorlaai. Daarom wil ek mooi oud word. Solank as wat die Here my dae toelaat, wil ek nog dieper leer om mense lief te hê. Ek hoop om ander nog beter te kan dien vanuit hierdie pragtige plek wat God ons geskenk het. Hoewel ek nie juis selfvertroue het oor hoe goed ek dit sal regkry nie, wil ek my allerbeste gee.
Eendag, in Stephen Covey se boek The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, het ek op ’n treffende vraag afgekom: “Watter huldeblyk sou u wou hê moet u geliefdes by u begrafnis voorlees?” Destyds was dít my antwoord: As my man kan sê: “Sy was werklik ’n goeie helpersmaat”; as ons gemeentegangers kan sê: “Sy was ’n mens vol liefde”; as die bure kan sê: “Sy het geweet hoe om vrygewig uit te deel”; en as ons seuns kan sê: “Sy het ons geleer wat dit beteken om God lief te hê”—dan was dit voorwaar ’n geslaagde lewe. Dit is natuurlik tans nog net ’n hartewens. Maar hoe wonderlik sou dit tog wees as ek waarlik so kon leef! Biddend tot my geliefde God, al beteken dit dat ek my lewe nogmaals moet hermodelleer, is dít die lewe wat ek van harte begeer.