이사를 하기 전 집을 좀 손을 봐야 했습니다. 돈을 많이 들이지 않고 잘 할 수 있는 방법이 있으면 좋을 텐데 그게 그리 쉽지는 않았습니다. 하지만 여러 분들이 도와주셔서 수리가 잘 되었습니다. 정말 고마운 일입니다. 추운 겨울날 손으로, 몸으로 하는 일들이라 고생도 많았을 것입니다. 그 가운데 일을 맡아서 하는 분이 계셨는데 글쎄요 마흔을 넘겼을까 싶기도 한 분이었습니다. 어쩌다 제가 집에 있을 때는 함께 점심을 먹기도 했었는데 알고 보니 혼자 사는 분이었습니다. 아니, 몸이 불편하신 아버님과 사신다는 것입니다. 우리의 부탁을 잘 들어주는, 성격이 워낙 좋은 분이었는데 참 안타까웠습니다. “아니, 아직 장가를 안가셨나요?” 물으니 “허허, 마누라가 40년 전에 도망 가버렸습니다.” 농담 반 진담반으로 답했지만 어쨌거나 꼬치꼬치 캐물을 수도 없는 일이라 더 이상할 말이 없었습니다.
또 싱크대를 마무리하러 오신 분 가운데 나이가 좀 더 들어 보이는 분 역시 혼자 사신다는 것입니다. 그러고 보니 혼자 사는 남자 분들이 심심찮게 눈에 뜨입니다. 경제적으로 능력이 부족하다 싶으면 시집오는 여자들이 없나봅니다. 아니, 함께 살다가도 떠나버리는 매정한 세상이 되었습니다. 그래저래 깨어진 가정이 많아진 것 같습니다. 얼마 전에도 초등학교 선생님을 만났는데 반 아이들 중에 편부모, 혹은 조부모 가정이 참 많다는 것입니다. 물론 사별한 경우도 있겠지만 깨어진 가정이 더 많아 보여 안타깝습니다.
봄이 되니 우리 집 마당에 약초와 나물들이 많이 올라옵니다. 쑥, 민들레, 냉이는 물론이고 어성초며 컴프리, 당귀와 같은 약초들이 많습니다. 이전에 살던 아주머니께서 약초를 좋아해서 심어놓은 것들입니다. 저는 뭐가 뭔지를 몰라서 안부도 물을 겸 전화를 드렸습니다. 언제나처럼 편안한 음성이었습니다. “남편께서는 좀 어떠세요?”라고 여쭈었습니다. 그 분 남편께서는 뇌졸중으로 쓰러지신 후 사오 년째 병원에 누워만 계십니다. 실은 시골에서 매일 버스로 시내 병원까지 나오는 일도 쉽지 않고, 아들을 장가보내고 혼자 사시게 되어 집을 팔았던 것입니다. “더 나빠지지 않으면 좋은 것이지요. 본인은 어떤지 모르겠지만 매일 얼굴 보는 것만으로도 저는 참 좋습니다.” 가슴 뭉클한 대답이었습니다. ‘그래 맞아. 사랑이란, 행복이란 이런 것이구나.’라는 생각이 들었습니다.
몇 년 전 저의 외숙부님의 말이 생각나기도 했습니다. 외숙모께서 70세에 중풍으로 쓰러지신 후 10년을 병원에 누워 계셨습니다. 숙부님께서는 매일을 하루같이 아침 10시면 병원으로 가셔서 아내 곁에 앉아 계셨습니다. 밥도 떠먹여 주고 말도 잘 못하는 아내에게 이야기도 들려주기도 하고 말입니다. 그러다가 숙모님이 담석증이 와서 의사들은 수술을 포기하려고 결론을 내었는데 숙부님이 제발 우리 아내를 살려달라고 울면서 부탁하시는 바람에 수술을 잘 받았습니다. 하지만 반년 후에 결국은 돌아가셨습니다. 장례 때 뵈었는데 슬퍼하시는 모습이 안쓰러워 “숙부님 병간호하시느라 고생이 많으셨지요?”라고 여쭈었더니 “아니다. 내가 무슨 고생을 했나? 그 사람이 고생이 많았지.”
‘그래 부부란 이런 것이구나. 서로 사랑하고 함께 산다는 것은 서로에게 헌신하는 것이구나. 젊은 날 못마땅하다고, 밉다고 떠나버리고 헤어지고 나면 이런 사랑과 헌신은 경험할 수도 없겠구나.’
오늘 제자반 모임에서도 ‘사랑’에 대한 이야기가 있었습니다. 집사님 한 분이 자신의 큐티를 나누어 주셨습니다. “저는요 ‘무너진 가정’에 대해 묵상하면서 저의 가정을 생각했습니다. 과거 10년 동안 저희 가정은 무너졌거든요. 남편을 용서할 수 없었습니다. 그러다가 저는 하나님의 사랑을 알게 되어 기뻐하고 있었는데 어느날 기도 중에 하나님께서 저에게 사랑이 없다고 말씀하시는 겁니다. 깜짝 놀랐지요. 아니, 제가 사랑이 없다니요. 그게 무슨 말씀이세요? 그랬더니 갑자기 ‘사랑은 허다한 죄를 덮느니라’(베드로전서 4:8)는 말씀이 생각나는 거예요. 평소에 외웠던 말씀도 아니고 읽었을 때도 그냥 그러려니 했던 말씀인데 말입니다. 그래서 남편의 허물을 덮으려고 했는데 잘 안되더라고요. 기도했습니다. 사랑으로 허다한 허물을 덮을 수 있도록 해달라고요. 어느 날 하나님께서 저로 하여금 남편의 입장에서 생각해볼 수 있도록 하시고 용서할 수 있는 마음을 주셨습니다. 지금은 다 회복하게 해주셔서 새롭게 되었으니 감사하면서 살고 있습니다.” 그렇습니다. 사랑은 허다한 죄를 덮습니다.
Before moving in, our house needed some repairs. It would have been wonderful to find a way to get everything done nicely without spending too much money, but that was hardly an easy task. Thankfully, several people lent a helping hand, and the renovations were completed smoothly. I am truly grateful for them. It must have been exhausting to labor with their bare hands and bodies on those biting winter days. Among the workers was a man who seemed to have just crossed into his forties. Whenever I happened to be home around lunchtime, we would share a meal together, and in doing so, I learned that he lived all by himself. Or rather, he lived alone taking care of his ailing father. He was such a gentle, good-natured soul who willingly accommodated all our requests, which made my heart ache all the more for him. When I asked, "Have you not gotten married yet?" he replied half-jokingly, half-earnestly, "Haha, my wife ran away forty years ago." Naturally, I could not pry into his past, and I was left speechless.
Another older gentleman, who came by to install and finish the sink counter, also turned out to be living alone. Looking around, I realized that solitary men are surprisingly common nowadays. Perhaps women are reluctant to marry someone if they perceive him as lacking financial security. Or worse, we now live in a cold-hearted world where couples simply pack up and leave each other even after living under the same roof. One way or another, broken homes seem to have proliferated. Not long ago, I spoke with an elementary school teacher who shared that so many children in the classroom come from single-parent homes or are being raised by their grandparents. While some cases are inevitably due to bereavement, far more seem to stem from fractured families, which is deeply heartbreaking.
With spring arriving, the yard of our house is blooming with all kinds of medicinal herbs and wild greens. Along with mugwort, dandelions, and shepherd's purse, there are abundant herbs such as chameleon plant, comfrey, and Korean angelica. The woman who previously lived here loved medicinal herbs and planted them all. Not knowing what was what, I gave her a phone call to ask about the plants and greet her. Her voice was serene and gentle, as it always had been. "How is your husband doing?" I asked. After suffering a stroke four or five years ago, her husband has remained bedridden in the hospital. In truth, commuting daily by bus from the countryside to the downtown hospital had proven too difficult, and after seeing their son off into marriage, she was left living alone, which prompted her to sell the house. "As long as his condition doesn't worsen, that is blessing enough. I don't know how he feels, but just being able to see his face every single day brings me immense joy." Her answer touched my heart deeply. 'Ah, indeed. This is what love is. This is what happiness truly means,' I thought.
Her words also brought to mind something my maternal uncle shared a few years ago. After his wife suffered a stroke at the age of seventy, she lay in a hospital bed for ten long years. Day in and day out, without missing a single morning, my uncle would arrive at the hospital by ten o'clock to sit faithfully by his wife's side. He would spoon-feed her meals and gently talk to her, even though she could barely speak. Then, my aunt developed gallstones, and the physicians were inclined to abandon the idea of surgery. But my uncle wept and pleaded with them, begging, "Please, save my wife's life," and she was able to undergo the procedure successfully. Sadly, she passed away six months later. At her funeral, seeing him overwhelmed with grief, my heart went out to him. I said, "Uncle, you went through so much hardship caring for her all those years, didn't you?" He replied softly, "No, my dear. What hardship did I bear? She was the one who suffered so much."
'Yes, this is what marriage is meant to be. To love one another and share a life together means to pour out oneself in devotion to each other. If people walk away and part ways in their younger years simply out of dissatisfaction or resentment, they will never have the chance to experience such profound love and commitment.'
During our discipleship training gathering today, the theme of love came up again. One of the deaconesses shared her personal devotional meditation: "As I meditated on the theme of 'broken families,' I couldn't help but reflect on my own home. For the past ten years, our family was shattered. I harbored so much bitterness that I simply could not forgive my husband. Then, having come to know the love of God, I was filled with newfound joy. Yet one day during prayer, God spoke to my heart and told me that I had no love. I was utterly shocked. 'Me? Lacking love? Lord, what could You possibly mean?' Just then, the Scripture came rushing into my mind: 'Love covers a multitude of sins' (1 Peter 4:8). It was not a verse I had memorized, nor had I ever paid much attention to it when reading the Bible. So I tried to cover my husband's flaws, but it was far too difficult on my own strength. I prayed earnestly, asking God to enable me to cover those many faults with genuine love. Then one day, God granted me the grace to see things from my husband's perspective and planted a heart of true forgiveness within me. Today, He has completely restored and renewed our home, and I live each day overflowing with gratitude." Indeed, love covers a multitude of sins.
Voordat ons kon intrek, moes die huis eers 'n bietjie reggemaak word. Dit sou natuurlik wonderlik gewees het om alles deeglik te doen sonder om 'n groot klomp geld te spandeer, maar dit was nie juis 'n maklike taak nie. Gelukkig het verskeie mense hand bygesit, en die herstelwerk is baie mooi afgehandel. Dit is iets waaroor ek innig dankbaar is. Dit moes 'n harde stryd gewees het om op daardie yskoue wintersdae met blootgestelde hande en liggame sulke fisieke werk te verrig. Tussen hulle was daar 'n man wat die leiding geneem het – ek sou raai hy was skaars oor die veertig. Wanneer ek toevallig tuis was teen etenstyd, het ons soms saam middagete geniet, en mettertyd het ek uitgevind dat hy heeltemal alleen woon. Of liewer, hy woon saam met sy bejaarde pa wat verswakkend en siek is. Hy was 'n man met so 'n sagte, dienswillige geaardheid wat altyd ons versoeke met vreugde nagekom het, en my hart was regtig seer vir hom. Toe ek hom vra: "Het u dan nog nooit in die huwelik getree nie?" antwoord hy half spottend, half ernstig: "Ag nee wat, my vroutjie het veertig jaar gelede al weggehardloop." Mens kan natuurlik nie sommer in iemand se diepste wonde krap nie, en ek was vir 'n oomblik stomgeslaan.
'n Ander ouer man wat gekom het om die opwaskas en kombuisblad af te rond, het eweneens alleen gewoon. As 'n mens so oplet, sien 'n mens deesdae verbasend baie mans wat alleen deur die lewe gaan. Miskien is vroue huiwerig om met iemand te trou as hy nie finansieel sterk staan nie. Of erger nog, die wêreld het so koud en genadeloos geword dat mense mekaar sommer verlaat selfs nadat hulle jare saam gewoon het. Op die een of ander manier blyk gebroke gesinne al hoe meer te word. Nie lank gelede nie het ek met 'n laerskoolonderwyseres gesels, en sy het genoem dat 'n ontsettende groot aantal kinders in haar klas uit enkelouer- of selfs grootouergesinne kom. Alhoewel sommige natuurlik deur die dood van 'n gade veroorsaak is, lyk dit asof verreweg die meeste uit gebroke huwelike spruit – 'n bitter hartseer werklikheid.
Noudat die lente aangebreek het, skiet daar allerhande medisinale kruie en wilde groentes in ons agterplaas op. Saam met wilde als, perdeblomme en herderstassie is daar volop medisinale kruie soos viskruid (Houttuynia), smeerwortel en engelwortel. Die vrou wat vantevore hier gewoon het, was baie lief vir geneeskragtige plante en het dit self geplant. Omdat ek nie geweet het wat wat is nie, het ek haar gebel om sommer terselfdertyd te hoor hoe dit gaan. Soos altyd het haar stem rustig en vriendelik geklink. "Hoe gaan dit met u man?" het ek gevra. Sedert hy vier of vyf jaar gelede 'n beroerte gehad het, lê hy permanent in die hospitaalbed. Om die waarheid te sê, was dit uiters vermoeiend om elke dag van die platteland af per bus na die stadshospitaal te reis, en nadat haar seun getroud is en sy alleen agtergebly het, moes sy die huis verkoop. "Solank dit nie agteruitgaan nie, is dit al 'n groot seën. Ek weet nie hoe hy daaroor voel nie, maar net om elke liewe dag sy gesig te kan sien, bring vir my oneindig baie vreugde." Dit was 'n antwoord wat my diep in die hart geraak het. 'Ja, sowaar. Dít is wat liefde is; dít is wat ware geluk beteken,' het ek by myself gedink.
Dit het my ook laat terugdink aan woorde wat my oom aan moederskant 'n paar jaar gelede gesê het. Nadat sy vrou op sewentigjarige ouderdom 'n beroerte gehad het, het sy tien jaar lank in die hospitaal gelê. Dag in en dag uit, sonder uitsondering, was my oom elke oggend om tienuur by die hospitaal om langs sy vrou te sit. Hy het haar met 'n lepel gevoer en vir haar stories vertel, al kon sy self skaars 'n woord uitbring. Later het sy galstene ontwikkel, en die dokters het besluit om van die operasie af te sien weens haar swak toestand. Maar my oom het met trane in die oë gesmeek: "Spaar asseblief my vrou se lewe," en danksy sy smeking is die operasie toe tog suksesvol uitgevoer. 'n Halfjaar later is sy egter oorlede. By haar begrafnis, toe ek sien hoe diep bedroef hy was, het ek met innige deernis gesê: "Oom, dit was sekerlik 'n ontsettende swaar beproewing om haar al die jare so te versorg?" Waarop hy sagkens geantwoord het: "Nee, my kind. Watter swaarkry het ek dan gehad? Dit was sý wat so baie gely het."
'Ja, dít is wat die huwelik werklik is. Om mekaar lief te hê en saam te lewe, beteken om jouself aan mekaar toe te wy. As 'n mens in jou jonger dae sommer net oppak en skei sodra dinge skeefloop of bitter word, sal jy nooit die diepte van sulke ware liefde en toewyding kan ervaar nie.'
Vandag tydens ons dissipelskapbyeenkoms was die gesprek weer oor die 'liefde'. Een van die diakonesse het haar stiltetydoordenking met ons gedeel: "Terwyl ek nagedink het oor 'gebroke gesinne', het ek aan my eie huis gedink. Vir die afgelope tien jaar was ons gesin heeltemal verbrokkel. Ek kon my man eenvoudig nie vergewe nie. Toe het ek God se liefde leer ken en was ek vervul met groot blydskap. Maar eendag tydens gebed het die Here vir my gesê dat ek nie liefde het nie. Ek was uit die veld geslaan. 'Ek, sonder liefde? Here, wat bedoel U daarmee?' Meteens het die Skrifwoord helder in my gedagtes opgekom: 'Die liefde bedek 'n menigte sondes' (1 Petrus 4:8). Dit was nie 'n vers wat ek gememoriseer het nie, en toe ek dit vroeër gelees het, het dit my skaars geraak. Ek het probeer om my man se foute te bedek, maar uit eie krag was dit hopeloos. Ek het ernstig gebid dat die Here my sou help om sy talle tekortkominge met liefde te bedek. Eendag het God my die genade gegee om sake vanuit my man se oogpunt te sien en 'n vergewensgesinde hart in my binneste geplant. Vandag het Hy alles volkome herstel en nuut gemaak, en daarom leef ek nou met 'n hart vol dankbaarheid." Dit is waarlik so: die liefde bedek 'n menigte sondes.