우리의 인간관계 가운데서 가장 소중한 관계로 남는 것…
며칠 전에는 마산에 계시는 형님이 위독하다고 연락이 왔습니다.곧 어버이날이 다가오는데 그 날 어머님께 갈 시간이 안날 것 같아 좀 당겨서 다녀오자고 했지만 마산행이 우선이었습니다. 혈액암을 앓으시느라 벌써 몇 년째 투병 중이셨는데 갑자기 감기에 걸리더니 상황이 상당히 어려워졌다는 것입니다. 그동안 자주 뵙지 못했지만 혹 그 쪽으로 갈 일이 있으면 들르곤 했었는데, 항암치료를 몇 차례 받느라고 고생은 해도 잘 견디셨지요.
병실에 들어갔더니 어머님, 막내 형님, 양평 형님까지 다 와 계셨습니다. 강한 진통제를 세 차례나 맞았는데도 잠도 못자고 힘들어한다고 했습니다. 아주버님께서는 “내가 젊은 날 애를 먹여서 병이 난 거라.”며 “아까운 사람을 내가 너무 애를 먹였다.”고 하시며 눈물을 지으셨습니다. “아이고 뭐, 그렇다고 병이나나. 아플라고 하니까 그렇제.” 어머님이 민망하셔서 하시는 말씀입니다. 인정 많은 남편으로 아내에게 잘 해주셨지만 한 때는 바람도 피고, 일을 많이 시키기도 해서 힘들게 했던 것도 사실입니다.
형님은 몸이 힘드니까 자기만 잠을 못 자는 것이 아니라 남편까지 잠을 못 자게 했습니다. 남편이 졸려서 눈이라도 감으면 눈뜨라고, 곁에 꼭 지키고 있으라고 성화를 합니다. 그 성화를 다 받아주며 정성껏 간호하시는 모습이 안쓰럽기도하고 고맙기도 했습니다. 곁에서 양평 형님이 그러십니다. “언니는 그래도 복 받은거다. 자식들 있어봐야 누가 이렇게 돌봐줄 건데. 남편이 있어 이렇게 잘 돌봐주니까 얼마나 좋노.” 그러게 말입니다. ‘부부란 바로 이런 것이구나.’라는 생각이 들었지요.
서로 다른 성격과 배경에서 자란 두 사람이 만나 한 평생을 살아가면서 서로 돕고 사랑해야 함에도 불구하고 우리는 서로를 이해하지도 못하고 그래서 서운하고 삐치고 상처를 주는 일이 너무 많았던 것 같습니다. 우리의 인간관계 가운데서 가장 소중한 관계로 남는 것이 부부라는 것을 모르지 않는데도 불구하고 말입니다. 그 많은 젊은 날, 아름다운 날 동안 서로를 아끼고 기회 있을 때 사랑하고 살 수 있다면 좋을텐데 말입니다.
몇 년 전에 만났던 한 형제가 했던 말이 생각납니다. 많은 기대를 가지고 결혼을 했습니다. 하지만 막상 결혼을 하고 나니 그게 아니었습니다. 형제는 ‘나같이 선량한 사람에게 어떻게 저렇게 악하게 대할 수 있을까? 사람이 저렇게 악할 수 있구나.’라고 생각했다니 상황이 심각했던 게지요. 그렇게 지옥같이 힘든 나날을 3년쯤 보내고 어느 날 말씀을 읽는데 그 전에 수십 번도 더 봤던 말씀, “남편들아 아내 사랑하기를 그리스도께서 교회를 사랑하시고 위하여 자신을 주심같이하라”는 말씀이 가슴에 박혀 와서 무릎을 꿇어 회개를 했지요. 그리고 아내에게도 한 번도 하지 않았던 말 “내가 정말 미안해요.”라고 말하며 잘못을 빌었습니다. 그리고는 ‘미안해요’ ‘고마워요’ ‘사랑해요’ 이 세 마디 말을 하기 위해 매일 노력을 했지요. 그러면서 가정이 회복되기 시작했습니다. 이제는 세 자녀와 함께 복된 가정생활을 할 뿐만 아니라 다른 가정들을 돕는 사역을 잘 하고 있습니다.
형님은 편찮으시기 얼마 전 예수를 믿기 시작했습니다. 형님은 투병생활 가운데서도 신앙생활을 꾸준히 이어가고 계셨습니다. 함께 치유를 위해서, 고통을 감해주시도록, 가족의 구원을 위해서 기도하고 병실을 나왔습니다. 며칠 후에 형님은 다시 몸이 많이 좋아져 식사도 잘 하신다는 소식을 듣고 기뻤습니다. 그날 밤 모인 형님을 가장 사랑하는 분들의 기도를 하나님이 들어주셨나 봅니다.
누군가가 부부관계를 은그릇에 비유하였습니다. 은그릇은 비싼 값을 주고 사며 유용한 것이지만 쉽게 변색되지요. 자주 자주 부드러운 천에 광택제를 발라 닦아주어야 합니다. 서로에게 용서와 고백으로 녹슬지 않도록 말입니다. 어느 부부든 언젠가 부부 두 사람 중 한 사람이 먼저 천국으로 떠나가겠지요. 생각해 보면 함께 살아갈 날이 그리 많지 않은데 기회 있을 때 서로 용서하고 사랑한다면 우리를 부부되게 하신 분의 뜻이 이루어질 것입니다.
That which endures as the most precious among all our human relationships…
A few days ago, word reached us that my husband’s elder sister-in-law in Masan was in critical condition. Parents’ Day was just around the corner, and since we thought we might not have time to visit Mother on the exact day, we had planned to visit her a little earlier. But going to Masan had to take precedence. She had already been battling blood cancer for several years, but after suddenly catching a severe cold, her condition had deteriorated significantly. Though I had not been able to see her often, I made a point to visit whenever I had an errand nearby; she had endured with remarkable resilience despite the harsh suffering of multiple chemotherapy cycles.
When I stepped into the hospital room, Mother, the youngest sister-in-law, and our sister-in-law from Yangpyeong were all gathered there. They told us that even after receiving three doses of potent painkillers, she still could not sleep and was in agony. Her husband—my brother-in-law—teared up and lamented, “She fell ill because I gave her such a hard time when we were young. I caused such a precious person far too much heartache.” Mother, feeling a bit embarrassed on his behalf, chimed in, “Oh, come now, people don’t fall sick just because of that. It happens when illness is meant to come.” It was true that while he was fundamentally an affectionate husband who cared well for his wife, he had also strayed at one point and burdened her with heavy workloads, causing her deep distress in years past.
Because of the unbearable physical pain, the sister-in-law not only suffered sleeplessness herself but also kept her husband from sleeping. Whenever he grew drowsy and closed his eyes, she would urge him to stay awake and keep vigil right by her side. Watching him patiently endure every demand and tend to her with utter devotion stirred both heartache and gratitude within me. Standing nearby, the sister-in-law from Yangpyeong remarked, “Even so, she is truly blessed. What good are children in a moment like this? Who else would care for her this way? How wonderful it is that her husband looks after her with such dedication.” How true that is. I found myself thinking, ‘This is what marriage is truly about.’
Though two individuals raised with completely different personalities and backgrounds come together to spend a lifetime supporting and loving one another, we often fail to understand each other; instead, we so easily grow resentful, pout, and inflict deep wounds. This happens even though we know full well that the marriage relationship remains the most precious bond in human life. How wonderful it would be if, throughout those many youthful and beautiful days, we could cherish each other and love while the opportunity still remains.
I am reminded of what a brother in Christ shared with me a few years ago. He had entered marriage filled with great expectations. Yet once married, reality proved entirely different. He even caught himself thinking, ‘How could someone treat a good-natured person like me so harshly? How can a human being be so wicked?’—a testament to how dire their situation had become. After enduring three agonizing years of living in what felt like hell, he was reading Scripture one day when a passage he had read dozens of times before pierced his heart: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Falling to his knees in repentance, he uttered words he had never spoken to his wife before: “I am truly sorry.” He sincerely begged for her forgiveness. From that day on, he made a conscious effort every day to speak those three phrases: “I am sorry,” “Thank you,” and “I love you.” Through this, their home began to heal. Today, he not only enjoys a blessed family life with their three children but also faithfully serves in ministry helping other struggling families.
Shortly before falling ill, my sister-in-law had come to place her faith in Jesus. Even amidst her painful battle with sickness, she steadfastly persevered in her walk of faith. Together, we prayed for her healing, for the relief of her pain, and for the salvation of the rest of the family before leaving the hospital room. A few days later, my heart rejoiced upon hearing the news that her condition had improved considerably and that she was eating well again. Surely God heard the heartfelt prayers lifted up that night by those who loved her most.
Someone once compared a marital relationship to a silver vessel. A silver vessel is bought at a high price and is deeply useful, yet it tarnishes easily. It must be polished frequently with a soft cloth and polishing balm—just as spouses must prevent their bond from rusting through continuous forgiveness and sincere confession. For every married couple, a day will come when one partner departs first for heaven. When we consider that the days given to us to live together are not all that many, choosing to forgive and love each other whenever we have the opportunity will surely fulfill the holy purpose of the One who joined us together as husband and wife.
Dit wat as die heel kosbaarste bly voortbestaan te midde van al ons menslike verhoudings…
’n Paar dae gelede het ons die tyding ontvang dat my man se ouer skoonsuster in Masan in ’n kritieke toestand verkeer. Moedersdag was op hande, en omdat ons gedink het dat ons dalk nie op die dag self tyd sou hê om by Moeder uit te kom nie, wou ons ons besoek effens vroeër reël; die reis na Masan moes egter nou voorrang geniet. Sy het reeds jare lank teen bloedkanker gestry, maar nadat sy skielik ’n ernstige verkoue opgedoen het, het haar toestand aansienlik verswak. Hoewel ek haar nie gereeld kon sien nie, het ek altyd by haar aangegaan wanneer ek in daardie omgewing moes wees; sy het die strawwe beproewing van verskeie chemoterapie-sessies met merkwaardige volharding deurstaan.
Toe ek die siekekamer binnestap, was Moeder, die jongste skoonsuster en ons skoonsuster van Yangpyeong reeds almal daar. Hulle het vertel dat selfs ná drie dosisse kragtige pynstillers, sy steeds nie kon slaap nie en vreeslik gely het. Haar man—my swaer—het met trane in sy oë gesê: “Sy het siek geword omdat ek haar in my jonger dae soveel hartseer besorg het. Ek het so ’n kosbare mens heeltemal te veel laat deurmaak.” Moeder het, effens verleë namens hom, tussenbeide getree: “Ag wat, ’n mens word tog nie sommer net daaroor siek nie. ’n Mens word siek wanneer siekte eenvoudig moet kom.” Dit was wel waar dat hoewel hy van nature ’n warmhartige man was wat goed vir sy vrou gesorg het, hy ook op ’n tyd ontrou was en haar met swaar werk oorlaai het, wat haar destyds groot smart veroorsaak het.
Weens die ondraaglike liggaamlike pyn kon my skoonsuster nie net self nie slaap nie, maar het sy ook haar man wakker gehou. Sodra hy vaak geword en sy oë wou toemaak, het sy aangedring dat hy sy oë moet oophou en getrou aan haar sy moet waak. Om te sien hoe hy al haar eise geduldig verduur en haar met diepe toewyding versorg, het my hart tegelyk met deernis en dankbaarheid gevul. Die skoonsuster van Yangpyeong het langs my opgemerk: “Tog is sy waarlik geseënd. Wat help kinders op so ’n oomblik? Wie anders sou haar so versorg? Hoe wonderlik is dit nie dat haar man haar met soveel sorg bystaan nie.” En hoe waar is dit nie. Die gedagte het by my opgekom: ‘Dít is waaroor ’n huwelik werklik gaan.’
Alhoewel twee mense met heeltemal verskillende geaardhede en agtergronde bymekaarkom om ’n leeftyd lank mekaar by te staan en lief te hê, gebeur dit so dikwels dat ons mekaar nie verstaan nie; daarom raak ons teleurgesteld, vererg ons ons, en berokken ons mekaar soveel pyn. En dit gebeur terwyl ons deeglik weet dat die huwelik die heel kosbaarste verhouding in ’n mens se lewe bly. Hoe wonderlik sou dit tog wees as ons, deur al daardie talle jeugdige en skone dae, mekaar kon koester en mekaar kon liefhê terwyl die geleentheid daar is.
Ek dink aan wat ’n broer in die Here ’n paar jaar gelede met my gedeel het. Hy het met baie hoë verwagtinge in die huwelik getree. Maar toe hulle eers getroud was, was die werklikheid heeltemal anders. Hy het selfs by homself gedink: ‘Hoe kan iemand so boosaardig optree teenoor ’n goedgeaarde mens soos ek? Hoe kan ’n mens so kwaadwillig wees?’—wat wys hoe ernstig die situasie was. Nadat hy sowat drie jaar lank so ’n helse stryd deurgemaak het, het hy eendag die Skrif gelees toe ’n vers wat hy al dosyne kere vantevore gesien het, hom diep in die hart getref het: “Mans, julle moet julle vrouens liefhê soos Christus die kerk liefgehad en sy lewe daarvoor afgelê het.” Hy het op sy knieë neergeval en belydenis gedoen. En toe het hy woorde aan sy vrou gesê wat hy nog nooit tevore uitgespreek het nie: “Ek is werklik jammer,” en haar om vergifnis gesmeek. Van daardie dag af het hy elke dag daarna gestreef om hierdie drie woorde te sê: “Ek is jammer,” “Dankie,” en “Ek is lief vir jou.” Daarmee het hul huisgesin begin herstel. Vandag geniet hy nie net ’n geseënde gesinslewe saam met hul drie kinders nie, maar verrig hy ook ’n vrugbare bediening om ander sukkelende gesinne by te staan.
Kort voor sy siek geword het, het my skoonsuster tot geloof in Jesus gekom. Te midde van haar worsteling met siekte het sy haar geloofspad getrou bly bewandel. Saam het ons vir haar genesing, vir die verligting van haar pyn en vir die redding van die hele gesin gebid voordat ons die siekekamer verlaat het. ’n Paar dae later was ek innig verheug om te hoor dat dit baie beter met haar gaan en dat sy weer goed eet. God het gewis die gebede verhoor wat daardie aand opgestuur is deur diegene wat haar die liefste het.
Iemand het die huweliksverhouding eendag met ’n silwerbak vergelyk. ’n Silwerbak word teen ’n hoë prys gekoop en is baie nuttig, maar dit slaan maklik aan. ’n Mens moet dit gereeld met ’n sagte doek en poleermiddel invryf en blink vryf—sodat dit nie deur ’n gebrek aan vergifnis en belydenis teenoor mekaar verroes nie. Vir elke getroude paartjie sal daar eendag ’n tyd aanbreek wanneer een van hulle eerste na die hemel toe vertrek. As ’n mens daaraan dink dat die dae wat ons gegun word om saam te leef nie so baie is nie, sal die wil van Hom wat ons as man en vrou saamgevoeg het, vervul word as ons mekaar vergewe en liefhet terwyl die geleentheid nog daar is.